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AibU to think ds has more than 'poor concentration / listening skills'?

(18 Posts)
Fairyegg Thu 29-Nov-12 23:33:22

Trying not to drip feed, so sorry if it's long. Ds is in year 1, will be 6 in a few months. His teacher has pulled me up a few times over his lack of concentration / listening in class. At parents evening he was described as 'immature'. She has questioned his hearing but after grommets less than a year ago he's been given the all clear. basically if ds is not interested in the topic he just does not listen, preferring to do anything but. For example the other day they were doing an activity he wasn't interested in whilst sitting on a cushion. Rather than pretending to take an interest he pulled all the stuffing out of the cushion 'to see what was inside' and when told off by the teacher refused to say sorry and generally acted like the clown. He does lots of after school activities mainly as he enjoys them, or at least says he does, but also because he has this never ending energy. However in almost all these activities each instructor has pulled me up on his poor listening skills aka- mucking around in the activity. I have asked ds if he enjoys the activity and he assures me he does and wants to keep going. Yet he doesn't listen to the instructions given and today at swimming spent the majority of the time throwing his googles around. In many ways he's very bright,especially with maths and science subjects. If you get his attention with something he enjoys he will sit happily and read a book, talk about it with you, watch a film,play a bored game etc however if he's not interested he won't bother at all and hes up and down like a yo-yo. He also does this flapping with his arms/ hands when excited - a lot. Socially he seems ok, although he does lack in patience and can sometimes lash out / get emotional easily. Out and about he doesn't seem to have any saftey awareness eg he will wander far away from me without looking at where I am. I am also having to continually remind him about road saftey. This probably doesn't sound like much, but even as a baby I had to make sure there was enough distance between him and the other babies on the floor as he never stopped moving his limbs. Not much as changed, he still moves around all the time - eg twisting, turning, flapping, pulling on ears etc even when being 'still' watching tv. Previously I have put all these behaviours down to his age, but he's almost 6 now and it is becoming more and more noticeable amongst his peer group. Grandparents find him 'differcult', his dad says he's just like him when he was a child and I'm overreacting. But every instinct in me is screaming this is more than just an active 5 year old, I've always though there was something 'different' about him. So Aibu to think along the lines of ADHD / add / asd or am I just a neuortic parent who is failing miserably with discipline? All opinions welcome as I have been it tears most of tonight wondering which one it is.

ToffeeCaramel Thu 29-Nov-12 23:41:01

I don't feel in a position to advise as I'm not sure whether this is normal or not, but hope someone is able to help OP. I'm sure you will get lots of support. It doesn't sound at all like you are failing miserably with discipline.

StuntNun Thu 29-Nov-12 23:45:42

The flapping would be the alarm sign for me there as it suggests ASD. You will need to get the school on board as if you want to get him assessed then they will need to complete a questionnaire for the paediatrician. Ideally the school would be able to refer him for assessment for behavioural issues. He does sound like my DS1 at that age; he has ADHD and Aspergers but you need to get a proper assessment done, possibly two of you suspect there is more than one thing going on. On the other hand he may suddenly grow out of it.

RabbitsMakeGOLDBaubles Thu 29-Nov-12 23:50:57

Ask your doctor for a referral to CAMHS or paediatrician.

ToncanLancey Fri 30-Nov-12 00:22:47

Every parents evening I attend for my ds starts with me saying 'how is his concentration?'. He is now in primary 5 (age 9). He cannot stay at peace even watching tv or playing with his nintendo ds, his head ends up somewhere in between the the couch cushions?! I put him into football training and the coach told me he spent 9 weeks of training pretending to be an aeroplane! I often wondered what you are doing right now, considering this constant jittery behaviour but have been reassured by his teachers he is fine and actually top of his class. He knows so much about science, languages, he wants to go to Oxford (we live in Glasgow) to be a meteorologist etc I wonder where I got him! Sometimes I shout 'Toncan jnr' so much I end up ranting & he doesn't hear me til he thinks I am livid with him over something trivial such as 'wash your bloody hands for dinner'. He is generally laid back tho but he such a dreamer...I've been told off his latest teacher that is who is and we should accept this as part of his character. I would wait a year or two to see if he settles. Might just be your little guys personality. Boys are generally different comparing it to also having a 5 yr old dd who talks like a bloody 18 yr old.

DrCoconut Fri 30-Nov-12 00:30:22

Agree with the posters saying seek further advice. Sounds like DS1 who is currently being seen by CAMHS with suspected ASD.

ToncanLancey Fri 30-Nov-12 00:55:22

I will add tho that my ds is generally quite well behaved esp in others company. If your maternal instinct is screaming something is wrong I would ask for another opinion medically because you will probably be right. My ds was born in March and I got offered an early place for primary school meaning he would be the youngest in his primary 1 class but I didn't think it would do him any favours. He is now the 2nd oldest in his year. Do you have other dc to compare him to? Ds was walking at 9 months old with mostly grunts til around 2 yrs old and quite behind with speech and dd was walking at 13 months with full vocabulary!

Fairyegg Fri 30-Nov-12 08:02:19

Your son sounds very similar toncan, my ds wants to be a weather man when he grows up, he's always been fantiscated about The weather and natural disasters, there's little he couldn't tell you about them. His mind seems to work in a different way to most 5 year olds, for example he enjoys playing chess (thats not a brag by the way, i just think its an odd game for a 5 year old to enjoy) like you i wonder where i got him from! However his fine motor skills are way behind. I have a 2 year old dd as well. She is nothing like ds, quite laid back, happy to potter around the house. Both were slightly behind on walking and talking I guess, about 15 months for walking and 2 years for talking, so nothing major. I really don't know where to go with it. His teacher obviously knows its an issue but I'm unsure if she thinks there's anything more to it. And I'm worried if I suggest there is she'll think I'm one of those neurotic mums trying to make excuses for his poor behaviour. That said ds can behave expectionally well, but he just can't keep it up for long. It's like he can't help himself.

whatsforyou Fri 30-Nov-12 08:21:59

I think you would be right to ask for a referral to a specialist service as it does sound like there is a lot going on.
Just be prepared to have your parenting/disciplining methods questioned. It must be extremely frustrating for people with genuine concerns but in a nursery setting I've lost track of how many parents refer to their child as 'a bit adhd' when all they need is boundaries.
Not saying this is the case with you at all OP but in my experience it will be one of the first things they ask you about.

crappypatty Fri 30-Nov-12 09:23:09

Go with your instinct, ask for referral to Pediatrician. You could ask school to bring the Ed Pysch in to observe. I have a ds who is very similar to how you describe your dc, down to the playing chess.

Fairyegg Fri 30-Nov-12 09:35:34

I'm more than happy to hve my parenting skills questioned to be honest. In many ways I hope it is something we are doing wrong, which could be corrected or firmer boundaries put in place. Has your ds been diagnosed with anything crappypatty? I've asked my sons teacher for a quick chat after school today so we'll see what happens there. Another example of his odd behaviour is walking to school today. We had to wait at the crossing, there were 3,4&5 year olds waiting nicely for the green man. Ds is jumping from foot to foot and each time a car drove past he would kind of flap his arms whilst making them very tense and twist his fingers in a bizarre way. He was doing this out of excitement. it's hardy the first time he's seen a car though is it confused

crappypatty Fri 30-Nov-12 11:06:52

Yes ASD, not that I am saying your ds has this.

bondigidum Fri 30-Nov-12 12:48:38

I was similar as a kid. Mum was told when I was three at nursery that I had selective hearing because I would sit and be very interested in certain things but if it was something I didn't find interesting I would shut down and go into a daydream.

I'm still very much the same now.. I don't have ADHD, i'm just a bit spoilt I guess <shrug> If something is boring I will get easily distracted, daydream or find something else to entertain me. To me that seems like a logical thing to do..

So it may just be his personality or he may out-grow it. If you're totally concerned go to GP but I know I was quite a bit like him as a child and am still a bit like that but no sn, just who I am!

ToffeeCaramel Fri 30-Nov-12 16:09:52

I'm like that Bondig!

FlaminNoraImPregnantPanda Fri 30-Nov-12 16:17:00

Not saying it is, but I'm another one who would be asking for an assessment for ASD.

Mrsjay Fri 30-Nov-12 16:23:49

I would wait a year or two to see if he settles. Might just be your little guys personality. Boys are generally different comparing it to also having a 5 yr old dd who talks like a bloody 18 yr old.

Hiya if you are worried about him ask to be seen by THe sen at his primary school he will be going into 1st year in 3 years what if he doesn't settle, ask to speak to the SEN and talk through your concerns about him. it could be something or nothing and just the way he is,

same with the OP ask to speak tot he SEN in school

Fairyegg Fri 30-Nov-12 19:28:43

Thanks for all your thoughts and opinions, it's given me a lots to concerning about.
I had a chat with ds teacher today. She says that he can be very, very good but will sometimes 'lse it' for no real reason and become very silly and differcult to handle. She didn't seem overly concerned to be honest, which I guess is a good thing. When I mentioned his flapping and bizarre tense, twisting thing he does with his hands she said that she had noticed this but put it own to having lots of energy.
She suggested having a chat with a hv? I asked her directly if she thought he had ADHD or similar and she admitted she idn't know enough bout it to say. She's also empathised positive praise which I agree with and do try and do. She's putting him on a reward system where if he collects 8 ticks he gets to chose an activity and a friend to do it with. Ds seemed quite keen on this idea. Apparently she il review it after Christmas. To be honest I'm not convinced anything will change.

TheFogsGettingThicker Fri 30-Nov-12 21:47:48

I agree with crappypatty to ask for a referral.

The teacher has suggested talking to your HV, I would do that.

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