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AIBU to want to have 'private areas' in my own home?

(63 Posts)
TrustMeImANinja Thu 29-Nov-12 10:36:22

I genuinely do not knkw if IABU and Im shocked how strongly I felt about this.

We recently lost a bottle of full Calpol, not being something we want misplaced we were trawling the house for it. DH went up stairs and I can hear him going through my underwear drawer (our baby likes to open drawers and put items in). A cross feeling shot through me, I dont want him going through my underwear drawer! Theres nothing to hide, knickers, an old photo of him, a scan pick, some condoms in an unopened box. None of which I mind him knowing about. Just that I fucking hated him rustling through my privare drawer. I feel the same with my handbag. If hate for anyone to rifle through that either.

Am I being ridiculous? I fear I am.

I have been with him for many years, nearly more than half my life but this still pissed me off.

I didnt say anything but I wanted to scream "STOP GOING THROUGH MY DRAWER!"

AIBU? After all these years and all these kids do I have to accept that private areas are now free for all?

Ragwort Thu 29-Nov-12 19:26:33

I wouldnt particularly want my DH to rifle through my knicker drawer (mainly because it is such an unsightly collection of sensible underwear grin) but it wouldn't actually bother me, however I am 99% sure he never looks at anything because he never seems to know where anything is kept, I have a big walk in wardrobe that I don't think he has even stepped inside once grin.

Regarding post - my DH never, ever opens his own post - for an experiment once I didn't open his post for three weeks, he wasn't in the slightet bit bothered. Equally though, he would never open anything of mine - I wouldn't really care, sadly I don't have any secrets.

Inertia Thu 29-Nov-12 19:25:05

Fine with DH doing it ( he would prefer not to go through my drawers or bag ) but would not be happy about anyone else doing it.

DumSpiroSpero Thu 29-Nov-12 19:19:43

YANBU! I'm not fussed about my undies drawer tbh, but if anyone, including DH, was to go rifling through my wardrobe or handbag I would go batshit.

I've never been the tidiest person, and as a teenager my uber-tidy mum was constantly going through my room/bag ' because it needs tidying up' so I expect they'd why I feel so strongly about it.

Mind you, I really love my own space generally - tbh if we could live in separate houses with an interconnecting door I'd be thrilled!

Aman1975 Thu 29-Nov-12 18:15:54

Can't go. Oops

Aman1975 Thu 29-Nov-12 18:14:21

Dw knows all my passwords and keylocks, we have 1email account between us apart from work ones, there is nowhere in the house either of us can go. If either of us need money we go into each others wallet/bag. What have you all got to hide?

mum11970 Thu 29-Nov-12 16:48:27

I don't mind my husband going through anything of mine, drawers, phone, handbag, post. In fact one of my kids seems to permanently have my iPhone when she's home and reads me any texts I get.

bondigidum Thu 29-Nov-12 16:22:44

Yabu, hardly like its anything he hasn't seen before! Plus its just underwear.. Its not like some deep dark secret diary or anything. My only private thing is my phone.

I don't use a handbag, I use my pockets because I hate handbags with a passion but if I did have a handbag that would be private just because that is common courtesy. But not your knicker drawer, doesn't he ever do the laundry? If so he touches your dirty ones shock

seeker Thu 29-Nov-12 16:13:35

Weed ha-ha.

TunipTheVegedude Thu 29-Nov-12 15:56:49

'Trim hornbeams along avenue'
'Dredge moat'

JessieMcJessie Thu 29-Nov-12 15:38:51

DrawER, it's a drawER! (not aimed at you, OP)

valiumredhead Thu 29-Nov-12 14:50:57

don't forget wisteria cutting

Snort! grin

OneMoreChap Thu 29-Nov-12 14:18:07

Interesting. I'd never,ever, ever open anyone else's post.

I'd get very hmm if DW opened my bank statements. [Yes, I know we have web access to all the accounts, but it's the principle].

TrustMeImANinja Thu 29-Nov-12 13:55:18

It never was found. shock

ChippingInLovesAutumn Thu 29-Nov-12 13:51:33

I think it's a little odd to be bothered that he was looking in there as he was looking to see if the calpol was in there rather than just have a nosey... but even if he was just having a nosey it wouldn't bother me, as long as he didn't mess it up!

I suppose many of us have drawers, cupboards, bags or whatever that are 'ours' and have a certain expectation that stuff in there isn't for anyone else to use/take/rummage through - but on the other hand if my DH had a reasonable expectation he would find something in there that he needed/wanted/was looking for, it wouldn't bother me as I wouldn't be with someone who disrespect 'my' stuff.

I'm not sure I've explained that at all well - I know what I mean grin

Your anger at him over this does seem out of order though, yes. He was looking for medicine - surely nowhere is out of bounds as long as it's found?!

TunipTheVegedude Thu 29-Nov-12 13:45:35

rofl Seeker!

TessCowDirect Thu 29-Nov-12 13:39:32

grin seeker

What a good idea!

OrangeLily Thu 29-Nov-12 13:39:06

We don't have privacy areas.

We rummage through each others drawers <ooooohhh errrr> and i open his post. I open the post because if I don't be opens it and puts it back in its envelope.angry this makes filing and paying bills difficult. I'm also home first most days.

seeker Thu 29-Nov-12 13:36:20

So it's only me that writes impressive things on our wall planner hoping that people will read it then- ds- County trials- 5.30- buy new boots. Dd, grade 8-11.30. Remember to book accompanist. Drinks-Ed and Justine- 7.00. Don't forget wisteria cutting.

BelaLugosisShed Thu 29-Nov-12 13:29:35

How weird, other than telling DH to keep out of a certain cupboard due to his presents being stashed away, it wouldn't occur to me that certain parts of the house that we share should be private, I go in his bedside drawers all the time, if I ever want a screwdriver/other miscellaneous crap, that's where they'll be. I've got things that are "mine" like my bags/jewellery box etc. but I couldn't care less if he had a rummage, he's got his stuff like his camera bag and if he objected to me having a nosey, he'd get this face > hmm .
I open his post too - on here that seems to be the crime of the century hmm .

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 29-Nov-12 13:29:17

True enough OP. There must have been a reason he was having a good old look mind! Don't be surprised if you get underwear for Christmas! grin

TrustMeImANinja Thu 29-Nov-12 13:22:48

Yes he does put washing away. But opening a drawer, putting something in and closing it again is totally different from rifling through it.

My reaction probably was a little strong, but I knew that which is why I didnt voice it. Self control and all that wink.

OneMoreChap Thu 29-Nov-12 13:16:29

I ask to go in DW's handbag.

I put stuff away occasionally so know of no drawers closed to me.

I tend not to root through her desk, as I have my own, but I've never been told not to. I have a couple of locking file cabinets that she is not permitted to open - work stuff.

Fakebook Thu 29-Nov-12 13:15:18

Yanbu. Since having dd and now DS I feel that nothing is my own anymore. Sometimes when I'm sitting bf-ing DS and dd comes and starts playing with my hair out of the blue it feels like not even my own body is my own!
DH and DD know that my bag is MINE. No one can go into my bag to retrieve ANYTHING without asking. My underwear draw is also my own. Apart from those two things I have no privacy in this house. I even have children following me when I'm having a poo. sad

CaptainVonTrapp Thu 29-Nov-12 13:15:15

Dont you have a place he knows not to go because there could be a present for him in there? An expectation of privacy is perfectly reasonable.

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 29-Nov-12 13:14:53

I'm an odd bugger I don't think people should even touch stuff I leave around in my house if its not there's so yanbu

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