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To not let my Dad bring his GF for Xmas day?

(35 Posts)
Mayanala Wed 28-Nov-12 20:43:56

My parents have been divorced for a long time, they get on okay but would never choose to spend time together. My mum, Db & his wife are coming for Xmas day as well as my Dad. He wants to bring his GF who he has been with for a few years but my Mum says she will feel very uncomfortable with this. I did invite my Dad and he asked me today what 'they' should bring.

I am not stuck in teh middle, my Mum would never kick up a fuss but I want her to be able to relax and enjoy her Xmas.

Would it be unreasonable to 'uninvite' my Dad?

squeakytoy Wed 28-Nov-12 20:45:57

If it was a wedding or some other occasion then I would say your mum was being unreasonable, but as its a relaxed day at home, and if it would make your mum uncomfortable then I would say a compromise should be made.. perhaps have your Dad over on Boxing day instead, with his gf. It would also be unfair to exclude her and have your dad on his own if they have been together for years.

apostropheuse Wed 28-Nov-12 20:48:52

Yes it would be unreasonable to uninvite him. It's not as if he's bringing a new girlfriend, he's been with her for a few years you said. It's also been a long time since the divorce, so its not raw.

Did you not realise he would want to bring his partner when you invited both your mum and dad? Would you not invite your mum if she wanted to bring a partner?

I think you should keep the arrangements you've already made.

Cozy9 Wed 28-Nov-12 20:50:49

If you mum had a new partner would you expect her not to bring him to keep your dad happy? Your mum needs to get over herself.

Floralnomad Wed 28-Nov-12 20:52:47

This is a tricky situation ,does your dad live with this GF ? I can appreciate that its difficult for your mum but what happens if your dad remarries? Personally I'd have them all because this situation is going to arise again and again in coming years ,particularly if you have DCs at birthdays etc

Mayanala Wed 28-Nov-12 20:52:58

It's strange my Mum feels so uncomfortable around her, she was fine with his other long term GF.

I didn't realise my dad would be bringing his GF, he only mentioned he was bringing her today.

My Mum didn't want his GF to come to my DB's close family wedding but I told her she was being unreasonable and putting DB in an awkward situation, I feel a bit differently thsi time though.

Mayanala Wed 28-Nov-12 20:54:32

They don't live together but have been together for a couple of years. My Mum is completely over my Dad but is now single after splitting up with her partner of 14 years, my Dad's new GF is about 20 years younger than her so maybe this has something to do with it??

pigletmania Wed 28-Nov-12 20:55:32

I agree it's been a long while since te divorce, he has been Wth his partner for a few years so it would be u reasonable not to invite him and hs partner, cant she get ver it for a few hours. If your mum had a artnershi wuld yu nt invite him too?

Yabu to have invited them both. You've said yourself they don't spend time together.
So, one for Xmas, one for boxing day. Other partners not relevant either way.
You've made the problem.

apostropheuse Wed 28-Nov-12 20:56:54

After reading your second post I am even more convinced your mum is being unreasonable. It's actually not her decision to make. She can't control your dad's interaction with his family like that. It's just not fair.

As far as your dad not mentioning he was bringing his girlfriend until today - well he probably presumed you would know that. It's pretty normal to be with your long-term partner on days such as Christmas.

pigletmania Wed 28-Nov-12 20:57:08

Meant if your mum had a partner would you not invite him! You cannot keep tip toeing around her, she is a grown adult

NatashaBee Wed 28-Nov-12 20:57:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floralnomad Wed 28-Nov-12 20:57:46

Sorry but having read your latest posts YWBVU to uninvite him. I'm afraid your mums got to get on with it .

pigletmania Wed 28-Nov-12 20:59:05

Exactly it's normal to want to bring your artnershi so assumed she was invited too

apostropheuse Wed 28-Nov-12 21:00:40

OP I think you've hit the nail on the head. It all becomes clear now. She does sound as though she's jealous of a woman twenty years younger than her.

I think you should say to your mum that if SHE'S not comfortable with the situation, then she is free to come on boxing day instead. Your father obviously knew that your mum's not going to be there, so he's obvioulsy not uncomfortable with that and shouldn't have to change plans.

bradywasmyfavouriteking Wed 28-Nov-12 21:02:17

I think YABU to expect your dad not to spend christmas day with his long term gf.

Also if you only found out today with your dad mentions of 'we' did you then instantly ring your mum and tell her?

Because you say she wouldn't make a fuss, but she is.

LRDtheFeministDude Wed 28-Nov-12 21:03:07

Sorry, but I agree: your mum is being unreasonable.

InNeedOfBrandy Wed 28-Nov-12 21:03:33

Your mum is bieng unreasonable, you shouldn't of invited them both on the same day. this yeat tell your mum you can't uninvite her but will bare in mind how she feels about this for future ref, and next year do one christmas day and one boxing day.

AThingInYourLife Wed 28-Nov-12 21:04:10

You can't uninvite your Dad, your mother's discomfort with your other invited guests doesn't make it OK for you to be rude to them.

CarlingBlackMabel Wed 28-Nov-12 21:05:53

It sounds as if your Mum might be feeling a bit vulnerable and outnumbered if she has split with a long term partner, and as if she is the only one not in a couple at your Christmas.

OpheliaPayneAgain Wed 28-Nov-12 21:08:11

Your mother needs to seriously get over herself. She and you fathe split up. They no longer want to be together. It's absolutely juvenile to pull a child (you) into play and make them 'choose' which parent.

Frankly - I'd disinvite all of them if I were lumbered with such petulence.

Gigondas Wed 28-Nov-12 21:10:09

Yabu completely - I actually feel cross and angry on your dads behalf.

Ra88 Wed 28-Nov-12 21:12:27

Did you really expect your dad to not be with his gf on Xmas day?? You Gould have thought it through better before inviting people to only then have to cause issues uninviting them

Cbh1978 Wed 28-Nov-12 21:15:01

Why would she feel uncomfortable? Would her head be stuck in some Christmas sand? Hopefully she will reflect and realise that you want both your parents there and your dad's girlfriend shouldn't be left to pull a cracker with the cat. Or something.

HazelnutinCaramel Wed 28-Nov-12 21:15:41

I'm not sure why you invited both your mum and dad in the first place? Do you usually all spend Xmas together? What has happened in previous years?

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