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to think that this is classed as rape?

(41 Posts)
kaylasmum Wed 28-Nov-12 16:58:23

I posted here last week about my dds obnoxious bf. He has in my view treated her like dirt since the met. She told me today that recently when she says no to sex he carries on regardless, i'm really upset to hear this and i told her that its rape, she is trying to downplay it and make excuses for him. This is rape is'nt it?

lubeybooby Wed 28-Nov-12 16:59:07

Yes it is.

ElkiesBrook Wed 28-Nov-12 17:00:06

sadly, yes it is

CindySherman Wed 28-Nov-12 17:02:53

yes it is

PolterGoose Wed 28-Nov-12 17:03:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElkiesBrook Wed 28-Nov-12 17:04:17

arses, i meant sadly for your DD


bradywasmyfavouriteking Wed 28-Nov-12 17:04:20

Yes it is. But her reaction is understandable.

Could you call womens aid or similar for advice?

HoratiaWinwood Wed 28-Nov-12 17:04:53

Holy shit yes.

Thank goodness she told you. What a good relationship you must have!

Would she feel able to go to the police? if you were there to hold her hand?

AllTheYoungDudes Wed 28-Nov-12 17:06:04

Yes it is,and she knows it too,otherwise she wouldn't have mentioned it.

Difficult to know how you deal with it though.

What a sad post.

BrokenBananaTantrum Wed 28-Nov-12 17:06:41

Yes it is. So sad for your DD. Do you think she might stop seeing him?

AllTheYoungDudes Wed 28-Nov-12 17:07:22

Does she live with him?

Could she move back with you if she does?

WilsonFrickett Wed 28-Nov-12 17:08:14

Yes it is. Poor DD and you must be worried sick. I'd call Womens' Aid for advice, or perhaps there are some teen-focused services in your area? (sorry, I'm assuming she's quite young) like Brook for example?

Whistlingwaves Wed 28-Nov-12 17:10:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Narked Wed 28-Nov-12 17:11:06

It's not 'classed as rape'. It's the definition of rape - 'She says no to sex he carries on regardless.'

theworldaccordingtome Wed 28-Nov-12 17:11:32

Definitely rape sad your poor DD

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Wed 28-Nov-12 17:11:38

Yes of course.

How old is your dd?

valiumredhead Wed 28-Nov-12 17:14:15

God, yes! How awful! I'd be tempted to tell him if he ever hurts her again I would rain merry hell down on his back and call the police I'd send dh round there too

Good that she told you x

kaylasmum Wed 28-Nov-12 17:14:15

She has her own place, he has his own place. My dd is 28. I don't Think she'll end the relationship, he's very controlling.

CordeliaChase Wed 28-Nov-12 17:15:54

Your poor DD. I hope she can find the strength to leave this horrible 'thing' she is with.

sneezecakesmum Wed 28-Nov-12 17:18:07

Domestic abuse/controlling men is apparently not uncommon with teenage girls. This includes sexual abuse and carrying on when she says no is rape. Your DD needs help to get out of this relationship. Try the relationship forum on MN there are some very clued up women there with good advice.

sneezecakesmum Wed 28-Nov-12 17:19:31

x posted. She needs to get out now and get out safely. Do get advice it can be the most dangerous time when the woman is leaving.

Narked Wed 28-Nov-12 17:22:23

I suppose defenestration isn't an option.

I'd try to bury my anger at him and focus on building her self esteem and self worth without making it a negative about him eg not 'He's a repugnant piece of crap' but 'you are a lovely young woman.' Unfortunately she will switch off if you (rightly) keep criticising him. The fact she told you is a good sign.

curiousuze Wed 28-Nov-12 17:24:33

Yes, this is rape. I'm so sorry.

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Wed 28-Nov-12 17:27:03

That's worrying OP that you don't think she will end it.

How is she in herself, does she appear unhappy?

TheDudesMum Wed 28-Nov-12 17:27:47

sad sad your poor dd. I'm so glad that she told you and knows you believe her. I know there are other posters who will have practical advice i am afraid i have none but i hope that she can see she needs to leave sooner rather than later.

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