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WIBU to hand my friend the dustpan and brush...

(94 Posts)
blondiedollface Tue 27-Nov-12 14:37:17

Ok, to give me some perspective just want to ask the MN jury this...

A friend came round a couple of weeks ago and gave lunch to her DD 31 weeks - a blw lunch of broccoli and tomato. Didn't ask if it was ok but we have wooden floors so I didn't mind too much thinking there would only be a tiny bit going on the floor, obviously it went EVERYWHERE completely covering my dining room floor, she looked very perplexed when after sorting her DD she just sat down and carried on drinking her tea. I got out the dustpan and brush and said d oyou want to use these? She hadn't offered to clean up, nor asked for anything to clean with, nor said I'll do it in a minute.

She hasn't been round since, nor has she initiated texts to meet, up until this point it was a weekly meet since my DD was newborn. Was this rude of me? I would fully expect to clear up DD's mess if she made any at someone elses house so didn't think this was out of the ordinary, but seems she may have taken offence...

I'm not overly fussed as if she'd left the mess without offering I probably wouldn't have been best pleased and not text her - but AIBU?? Really?

hurricanewyn Tue 27-Nov-12 20:17:12

D'you know what? I'd have been fine about cleaning the baby mess up until the point where Friend used your floor as a dustbin and swept the food onto the floor from her highchair. The cheek of her.


cumfy Tue 27-Nov-12 20:12:31

So you're well rid

You're right she should have offered but you do come across as being a bit PA:
Why not offer the dust pan whilst she's just finishing off the wiping ?

Decoding her response:
Well thanks but you could have offered me the dustpan earlier --- couldn't you ?

Tryharder Tue 27-Nov-12 19:53:20

She should have offered to clean up the mess. But you were unspeakably rude to give her the dustpan and brush. Talk about passive-aggressive.

SlightlySuperiorPeasant Tue 27-Nov-12 19:47:50

YWNBU. Crumb trails and the odd raisin are par for the course but I wouldn't dream of not clearing up after my DC if they made a mess at someone else's house. And yes I do clean up after DS in restaurants, why wouldn't I? confused

blondiedollface Tue 27-Nov-12 19:43:56

WTF what?

Molepomandmistletoe Tue 27-Nov-12 17:09:08


BeauNeidel Tue 27-Nov-12 17:00:38

YANBU about the mess.

YABU about using 31 weeks.

MadBanners Tue 27-Nov-12 16:57:22

It was rude of her to not clean it up, but then I think it was equally rude of you to make her. I think! confused

If I was the homeowner, and they had not offered I would have done it and maybe thought them a touch rude, but if they had offered I would have refused and done it myself anyway! So the visitor would never have done it in either situation.

Theicingontop Tue 27-Nov-12 16:48:15

YABU, I would be absolutely mortified. Though I would (and always do) offer to clean up my DS' mess, it's really rude of you to pointedly hand her the dustpan. Friends don't do that.

threesocksmorgan Tue 27-Nov-12 16:42:57

yanbu she was rude

Violet77 Tue 27-Nov-12 16:39:28

I always cleaned up at friends houses when blw but i don't think i would have given her a brush. ( seems a bit rude, agressive even)

Dogs are your best friend when blw :-)

Chill out a bit, you have probably made her feel very small. With children there are lots of occassions when they make mess or break things or hit one another. It cuts both ways and being a bit relaxed is a good thing.

OneMoreChap Tue 27-Nov-12 16:37:39

blondiedollface Tue 27-Nov-12 16:33:01
You misunderstood, she had brought her own high chair and cleaned the mess from that onto the floor.


I would have told her to FOTTOSOFATFOSM

WilsonFrickett Tue 27-Nov-12 16:35:37

It's just a bit of broccoli and a bit of tomato though, isn't it? what am I missing here?

lottiegarbanzo Tue 27-Nov-12 16:35:01

Ha ha ha, broccoli offers spectacular floor coverage. No yoghurt or anything sticky?

I wouldn't think of expecting to be able to feed dd out anywhere, certainly not without putting newspaper down or taking a plastic sheet with me.

But, while I see your point, I'd only be able to do this or accept this from a very close friend. I would have cleaned up myself and hoped for an offer of help. I might have commented on the spectacular effects of BLW.

blondiedollface Tue 27-Nov-12 16:33:01

'But if I understand correctly, your friend cleaned your high chair after her baby had eaten. Then you handed her a brush & dustpan to use and asked 'do you want to use these?''

You misunderstood, she had brought her own high chair and cleaned the mess from that onto the floor.

pigletmania Tue 27-Nov-12 16:32:47

YANBU at all, she was very rude to not ask you, on suggestion that she cleaned it up did not, you are not her save, wiuld she do that in her own house? I wld not worry about her tbh

Viviennemary Tue 27-Nov-12 16:25:49

She was cheeky to leave a mess. But I wouldn't ask a visitor to sweep up. But I don't think I'd been keen to invite them again if they made a huge mess and didn't at least offer to sweep up. Most people wouldn't let a baby chuck food around in somebody else's house.

WhenShallWeThreeKingsMeetAgain Tue 27-Nov-12 16:25:03

I didn't get past 31 weeks - still trying to work it out into something understandable !!!

wewereherefirst Tue 27-Nov-12 16:22:43

Am I the only parent of a BLW baby who eats EVERYTHING?! There's only the odd grain of rice/pea on the floor here. Bananas are eaten in seconds with no mess.

But YANBU, a friend doesn't create more work for you.

PlantsDieArid Tue 27-Nov-12 16:22:21

Perhaps time has blunted my memory of early babyhood, but I remember going to my friends' houses with my baby for comradeship, laughs and support.

If my baby had thrown tomato-based food all over a cream sofa or carpet, I'd have been horribly embarrassed and offered to have them professionally cleaned.

But if I understand correctly, your friend cleaned your high chair after her baby had eaten. Then you handed her a brush & dustpan to use and asked 'do you want to use these?'

There was food all over your wooden floor. You asked your guest to clean it up, rather than do it yourself or even leave it until she'd gone and sweep it up then?

I feel mortified on her behalf. If I were her, I'd be horribly embarrassed; your behaviour sounds gauche at best and insulting at worst.

Yes, I think it was rude of you and I don't think you need worry as I can't imagine why she'd be contacting you again. You've got all the time in the world to make new friends whose housekeeping and priorities are more to your taste.

It's highly possible that your standards are worlds apart from mine, in which case sorry for any offence caused. You asked for opinions though...

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 27-Nov-12 16:13:48

BLW =Baby Led Weaning

AKA give your child a banana and stand well back

OneMoreChap Tue 27-Nov-12 16:01:24

StuntGirl Tue 27-Nov-12 14:56:53
What the hell is blw?

I wondered, too.

Always cleaned up after mine, and hated it when visitors chuckled when their sprogs hurled food on the floor and didn't offer to clean it up.

One visitor got a cloth and bucket handed to her...

HollaAtMeBaby Tue 27-Nov-12 16:00:09

YANBU. BLW is a different level of mess from normal toddler food mess! And your home is not a cafe - when you go to a cafe, you pay, and that covers somewhere clean to sit, what you eat, and someone else cleaning up after you - though I think that entails a responsibility not to make more mess than you can help.

putonyourredshoes Tue 27-Nov-12 15:54:36

crinkle77 - I guess that is why loads of places are not child-friendly because they don't want the mess that goes with small children.

That's fine, but if I ran a cafe that wanted money from the harrassed parent market I would expect to be doing a hell of a lot of cleaning up.

Unless the parent is an absolute martyr (a common type of MN) then the best you can really hope for is a cursory swipe with a wet wipe.

InNeedOfBrandy Tue 27-Nov-12 15:53:48

YANBU my friends dd wet herself in my bathroom and carried on sitting doen drinking her tea when I said shall I grab some knickers from dd and ended up cleaning it up! I wish I had handed her the mop and bucket instead of clearing up after her dd. still annoys me to this day

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