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to be upset that dh has agreed to sil doing this

(93 Posts)
Splatt34 Mon 26-Nov-12 20:50:03

DD is 2. Pantomime wasn't even on my radar for this year. I got home tonight to DH telling me his sister is taking DD to pantomime. His sister is older & has never wanted kids. She has babysat in the evenings about 5 times but has never had DD to entertain on her own in waking hours.

I also feel that a child's first trip to the theatre is something special & always envisaged sharing this experience with DD & DH as a family. I don't really think she's old enough this year but I am really upset that I won't be sharing her first panto with her. (I am also 15 weeks pregnant & slightly hormonal)

DH thinks I'm being selfish. What do you guys think?

SlightlyConfusedAlwaysMad Mon 26-Nov-12 21:20:05

Is there any chance you can take dd to the theatre before hand if its so important to you? That way you get your special moment, sil gets to treat and enjoy spending time with dd and everyone is happy?

MikeOxard Mon 26-Nov-12 21:20:26

Maybe emphasise to SIL that you need some bonding time with dd at the moment. When you are heavily pregnant and when you have a newborn, outings with dd will be rarer and not quite the same, so you should make the most of all the just you and her time that you have left imo.

MrsRhettButler Mon 26-Nov-12 21:20:47

At two she will never remember going so when she's 4 you can take her and she will be able to sit and enjoy it with you.
Let her go and I bet sil will have a hell of a time trying to get her to sit still! grin

MikeOxard Mon 26-Nov-12 21:25:16

"SIL bothered to book a panto - you didn't."

^ Wow ophelia, that was rude! OP 'bothered' to conceive, carry and give birth to the child and look after her every moment since, so if she really wants to be the first to take her to a panto, she has earnt that right imo.

wigglesrock Mon 26-Nov-12 21:25:23

My aunt always took us to the panto blush It was lovely, a real Christmassy tradition. She is almost 10 years younger than my Mum and therefore in our eyes so much cooler grin, she now takes my children to panto, Disney on Ice etc - she is still very cool in their eyes grin

To be honest I'm more than grateful to her, my children love spending time with her, I feckin' hate Panto and it soooo expensive.

PropositionJoe Mon 26-Nov-12 21:26:27

Why in earth would either of you WANT to take a two year old to the panto? Let her go, have a nice afternoon off, it will still be special in two years when you all go.

DeWe Mon 26-Nov-12 21:28:47

I took dd1 to the panto when she was just 2yo. She enjoyed it, but there were a few moments in it when I don't think she would have coped well if it hadn't been mummy or daddy with her. Things like I'd forgotten to prepare her for the lights going down, so she was terrified when the lights suddenly went down. Sitting still wasn't an issue at all, but she did need reassurance at the scary bits and needed a cuddle when the lights went down.

The next year she absolutely loved it and it was much more fun for both of us. Although I also had dd2 with me who wasn't quite 2 months old, who also loved it... her head was turning round so quickly to try not to miss anything!

WinklyVersusTheZombies Mon 26-Nov-12 21:32:18

Maybe your SIL likes the panto and wants to bring a child so she doesn't look silly going on her own. And you would deny her that. Meanie grin

winterhill Mon 26-Nov-12 21:37:13

All I can say is thank god my kids are too old for the pantomine!!

I was happy to do loads of stuff with them but bloody hated pantomines. I was happy for them to go with reception, beavers, scouts anyone really!!

lovebunny Mon 26-Nov-12 21:38:42

totally wrong. she doesn't go out without you until you say so. not dh. not his sister. you.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Mon 26-Nov-12 21:39:08

If you don't want your child to go to the panto yet, that is your choice that you have every right to make. However your DH has just as much say as you, and he doesn't mind. At the moment, you are the only person who thinks the idea of a first panto together is special enough that a kind offer from an Auntie should be declined.

If your SIL is upset by being refused, it could potentially damage your dds relationship with her Aunt. Which is most important? A happy Auntie and niece sharing a nice thing, or an idea which is likely to be much nicer than the reality?

MegaClutterSlut Mon 26-Nov-12 21:39:12

Sorry I think YABU

apostropheuse Mon 26-Nov-12 21:44:21

"totally wrong. she doesn't go out without you until you say so. not dh. not his sister. you. "

lovebunny Are you having a laugh? The child's father cannot take her out unless her mother gives his permission?

What planet are you on?


Morloth Mon 26-Nov-12 21:52:43

My SIL is very involved with my DSs, she has chosen not to have children of her own and heavily indulges mine.

TBH, it is a relationship I have done everything I can to encourage. I love that they almost see her as an extra parent. This means that they have another person in their lives who loves them unconditionally, they get to do things seperate from us (and each other!). She now takes DS1 riding every Saturday and they are talking about possibly buying a horse.

Personally, I would say enjoy yourselves and have a nice quiet day to myself. As others have said, this is your DH's decision as well.

Believe me when I say, another loving pair of hands will come in very useful when you have your next baby. My SIL flew from Oz to London to stay for 7 weeks when DS2 is due, it was excellent to know that DS1 was in safe, loving hands, made going off to have DS2/lying in bed breastfeeding such an easy ride because he was off having a ball with his aunty.

Really a fun aunty is a blessing not something to be discouraged.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Mon 26-Nov-12 21:53:04


Your daughter wont even remember this. You can take her next year or whenever and she'll probably think its her first time at the panto. Win win imo.

Your SIL has done something lovely for your DD (maybe trying to bond with her now shes a little older?) panto isnt best place to take a 2 year old but not the end of the world. So chill out, enjoy some toddler free time and lighten up. and that goes for the other neurotic headcases on this thread

mynewpassion Mon 26-Nov-12 21:54:51

lovebunny you crack me up but that's essentially what the OP is saying though.

LiegeAndLief Mon 26-Nov-12 21:58:15

I took ds to the panto last year age 5 and he got a bit bored (it wasn't that good to be fair to ds, bit heavy on adult dialogue and light on singing / dancing / slapstick). I'm taking him again to one that will hopefully be better but I'm leaving dd (3) at home. (With dh, who is delighted. Not on her own).

I realise there seem to be posters above whose dc were sitting through the Ring Cycle at 18 months (I'm paraphrasing...), but I think 2yo is really young for panto. Don't they tend to be about 2hr long? I also had a group of friends who took their dc to panto together aged 3 and half of them had to leave when the baddy came on as the dc were so terrified. Very different from going to see a Peppa or Fireman Sam show. My initial thought is your SIL is being very brave taking her!

TooMuchRain Mon 26-Nov-12 22:00:11

Be happy she wants to do something nice smile

RubyrooUK Mon 26-Nov-12 22:10:58

I couldn't have given a shit about who first took me places as a kid. I don't think it even registered. I can't remember who first took me to the cinema or theatre. I do remember my uncle took me to the ballet first, which was cool, but not life changing.

My mum was the only one who was my mum. And even now I'm in my thirties, when I feel a bit ill or upset I still want my mum. Our relationship is built on her being there for the truly important things - when I had a vomiting bug, when I had flu, when I got food

So let your SIL do this, OP, because ultimately you are your DD's mum. No nice occasional theatre trips will ever change that. And your DD will hopefully get some bonding time with her aunt, which is lovely.

Hopeforever Mon 26-Nov-12 22:17:47

apostropheuse well said

Tryharder Mon 26-Nov-12 22:25:12

This wouldn't even be an issue for me. But good luck to your SIL. DS2 at that age screamed at the wicked witch and had to be taken out smile

pictish Mon 26-Nov-12 22:25:13

I thought that too apostrophe

OP - you are being just a little bit peevish and selfy here. Let your sil take your dd to the panto. Tsk.

Gentleness Mon 26-Nov-12 22:53:10

Way too young anyway. Pantos can be scary - not just the confusing content but the general noise and chaos. On school trips to the panto there were always a few kids who really, really hated it - age 8+. You could avoid the whole sentimental issue by focusing on this!

BackforGood Mon 26-Nov-12 22:57:42

She's trying to be nice, but is going to be in for a reality check I fear. 2 yrs old is FAR too young for the panto. They are loud and confusing and have scary baddies, and lots of shouting from the audience.
When she gets to about 7 or 8 though, it's a lovely thing for another realtive to offer to do.

Splatt34 Mon 26-Nov-12 23:01:36

Thank you all. nice breadth of opinions. Never having seen Mother Goose I've no idea if potentially scary or not. DH would def poo poo that thought. I guess i just wish that I'd been asked rather than told & that she'd been showing interest in her niece all along.

nowt I can do now, just hope DD gets more reliable with potty training to be spending an afternoon with someone other than us ;-) . SIL has never changed a nappy either so not sure which she'll be happier with!

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