Not inviting siblings to dd's birthday party

[fufulina]

Perspective, please, vipers.

DD's 4th birday party is on Saturday.
She asked for a girls only, barbie party (I realise for that alone, she IBU).
Se started a new preschool in September.
I have invited 2 old nursery friends, one nct friend, one of my friend's daughters (who dd knows well), and 4 little girls from new class that she seems to talk about.
Were having it at home, which is a 2 bed flat (I did consider the full nursery class thing, but we can't afford the venue hire, entertainer, etc.). One open plan room downstairs where the party will be. In essence, 9 little girls hooning around with balloons, faces painted, and pass the parcel.

One of the new nursery friends mums asked today if the girl's big sister could come as well. I said no, because of space. We are already going to be stuffed to the rafters with 9 little girls, plus a parent each. And I've already said no to another two siblings. But now, I feel guilty! AIBU?

[valiumredhead]

Not at all and it's cheeky to ask if a sibling can come as well!

[ElfOnTheShelf]

You know you are not being unreasonable. If you allow one sibling you'll have to have them all so explain that to the mother if she moans.

[Creamtea1]

No, bday party politics are a pain and why would you invite siblings unless sibling was a friend too. If you say yes to one then you have to say yes to all and end up spending extra on randoms. And older siblings will eat lots more food and could end up dominating the party which is meant for 4 yr olds.
But prepare that the mum may not be happy and say well X can't come then etc etc.

[HoratiaWinwood]

Yanbu but for logistical reasons it might mean that child can't come.

[Whatdoiknowanyway]

When did it happen that parents stayed for parties? Mine went solo for about 3 onwards. Can't imagine having all the parent hanging around.

[CMOTDibbler]

YANBU at all, and it was cheeky of her to ask

[fufulina]

Thanks. I read lots of posts where mums are all delighted to have extras - the more the merrier and in this case, more would be a disaster, space-wise.

Whatdoiknow, I am expecting the parents to stay, but happy for them to go!

[Floggingmolly]

Three people asked could siblings come as well? Why on earth would you invite siblings??? Don't feel guilty, that is not the norm at all.

[Jenny70]

The only reason I would ever ask was if I was expected to stay & dh was unavail... but if I can drop then no reason to ask.

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

Well I've had to ask if my DS could come along to a party that my DD had been invited to once. Generally I wouldn't ask but in this case my husband was on a work trip and my DD wouldn't have been able to go if not.

Round here parents seem to accompany 4 year olds to parties but not 6 year olds so guess this changes at 5 normally.

[shushpenfold]

Really cheeky....of them. YANBU

[kerala]

Cheeky and rude putting you in position of having to say no. We have a big house and for us 12 is ABSOLUTE MAX number of children we can deal with any more and it gets crazy (we have bitter experience!). Be firm and polite if they moan they are the weirdos.

[5madthings]

no problem with them asking on the off chance, people ask me and i generally dont mind siblings, if my dp was working i would have to ask, if a parent said no i would then ask if it was ok to drop and run. ds4 went to a party at the weekend, dp took him and was planning on doing drop adn run but all the parents stayed so dp felt he had to as well. ds4 is 4 and in reception, it seems a bit split some do drop and run at this age, some stay.

[Viviennemary]

YANNNBU. I agree it is forward, cheeky and rude of them to have even put you in this position. Most people realise that if a child doesn't get an invitation then he/she isn't invited. Some folk!!

[honeytea]

Maybe you could have said "unfortunatly we are really tight on space but your DC is more than welcome to stay by herself (if you are stuggling with child care) and you can leave me a mobile number and I will call you if she needs you but I will keep a special eye on her"

[HoratiaWinwood]

But you wouldn't necessarily know about schoolchildren's siblings, nor would the parents know what kind of house you have or how many others were invited.

"Can I dump DD1 on you as well?" is different from "would there be space for the baby as well, only I don't have anyone to leave him with" or "are siblings invited to, or shall I leave DS with DH?".

[HoratiaWinwood]

*too

[OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos]

Yanbu to say no, you have a good reason to say no, but I don't think they were being cheeky to ask and I find it quite sad that some people feel it's cheeky to just check.

Surely asking is preferable to just refusing the invite if the invited child really wants to go and the birthday child really wants her friend there?

[socharlotte]

Are you expecting a parent to stay? If so then I think you might have to be flexible about siblings.If it is drop and go YANBU

[fufulina]

The kind of flat is given away by the XXa in the address, so it's pretty obvious it's a flat.

Hadn't considered the childcare thing, but when I next see her, I will offer for the little girl to be dropped off and take a mobile number.

[BeatTheClock]

Don't feel pressurised into asking siblings.

[fufulina]

Oh, and one of the other siblings is younger, and the parents asked if it was ok if they all come. Again, felt like a heel when I said no and explained about space.

[OptimisticPessimist]

I would only ever ask if I was expected to stay, and even then I tended to turn down the invitation rather than ask although mostly people would then offer for the others to come along. YANBU to say no though, and I find it very odd that people would ask if it was a drop and go party.

[Justforlaughs]

I don't even invite my DCs own siblings to their parties ! I wouldn't see it as rude for someone to ask if they can bring a sibling but neither would I see it as U to explain that due to space it isn't an option. Yes, offer to keep an eye on the little girl who is invited, but otherwise don't worry about it.

[Crinkle77]

YANBU. The mother probably wants to dump her other kid at your party so she can have the avo to herself