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To think I shouldn't be expected to give up my place in the queue just because the lady behind me was disabled?

(419 Posts)
TangoPurple Mon 26-Nov-12 09:58:55

Apologies for the lengthy title.

Had a very busy weekend and stupidly forgot to get stuff in for dd's packed lunches/playtime snacks for this week. She also needed a new drinks bottle. So i got up an hour earlier today, and rushed to the supermarket with her before school.

I joined the queue at a till, and as the person in front was getting served, a lady in a wheelchair queued behind me. She asked if she could go in front of me as she needed to rush for the XX bus, which only comes every forty minutes. I explained that I'm also getting that bus so can't give up my space in the queue or dd will be late for school.

She looked totally shocked. She pointed out it was pissing down with rain and she'd be freezing waiting for the next one. (Just to point out - the bus stop for this bus has a large shelter and is right outside the supermarket).

She asked where i lived, i told her roughly, and she suggested i get the YY bus which would drop me a street away from my normal bus stop (normal bus stop is right outside my flat/front door).

I explained that i couldn't walk that far with dd plus all my shopping bags as she has autism and i need to hold her hand at all times. Whereas getting off at my front door, she's fine to run ahead. I was nice and mild-mannered, but she wasn't pleased. She was completely surprised and raising her eyebrows at the people queuing at the opposite till.

The till operator had heard the conversation and I think it affected how she served me. She made no eye contact, no communication (except asking for my money at the end), zoomed all my stuff through the scanner much too quickly, and spent the whole time talking to the lady in the wheelchair about bloody buses and 'lack of respect'!

During this time, the guy at the front of the opposite queue offered the lady to go in front of him which she refused as she'd already put her stuff on the conveyor belt behind mine.

I'm just so annoyed and feel like a right cow. I felt like everyone was judging me. If she only had a few items, of course i'd have let her in front, but she had more than me!


FlaminNoraImPregnantPanda Thu 29-Nov-12 22:17:48

Yeah, but Flatbread doesn't realise that we ARE recluses precisely because we can't avoid what to others are normal inconveniences. 'Coping strategies' make others feel better because it allows them to manipulate us into holes we don't fit in. It does'nt make us feel better. As soon as we reach an age/maturity where we make our own decisions, we throw these NT shackles off and revert to our natural states.

SauvignonBlanche Thu 29-Nov-12 21:28:55

Of course if I follow Flatbread's advice;

" If you shield them from all normal inconveniences, be it rain or late buses or a change in schedule, how do you expect them to cope with these things when they grow up and live in the real world?
Unless you are a recluse, you cannot avoid these, to an extent. Wouldn't it be better to help them find coping strategies rather than avoiding these normal life situations?"

I should be expecting him to get over it. hmm

ProcrastinatingPanda Thu 29-Nov-12 21:27:27

flatbread I spent a lot of time on my post carefully explaining the differences between DS and dsd, and how this highlights the many startling differences between those on the spectrum. But instead of even acknowledging it (never mind taking on board anything I said) you've ignored my post and instead made a reference to an article perpetuating the 'Rainman' myth. Your ignorance astounds me.

SauvignonBlanche Thu 29-Nov-12 21:03:04

I'll stop getting so exasperated with him! blush

FlaminNoraImPregnantPanda Thu 29-Nov-12 21:00:24

Sauvignon if he's anything like me, it feels so vile and horrible that it makes my skin crawl. It's so horrible it takes over everything. You can't think about anything else, enjoy anything else, look at anything else. The only thing going through your mind is how it feels and how you can make it go away. The only way to cope with it is to avoid, avoid, avoid.

Devora Thu 29-Nov-12 20:56:55

Why, lovelyladuree?

Is that a Margaret Thatcher any man over the age of 25 who catches a bus is a failure type comment, or do you live in the Hebrides?

SauvignonBlanche Thu 29-Nov-12 20:54:58

Wow, Nora, DS has never worn sun cream, he claims to be 'allergic ' to it. He got burnt when we were in Florida and I felt terrible but as he's a teenager it's hard to keep him out of the sun.
You have explained really well how he may feel about it.

lovelyladuree Thu 29-Nov-12 20:53:06

I'm just shocked that anyone under the age of 65 catches the bus to go anywhere.

FlaminNoraImPregnantPanda Thu 29-Nov-12 20:40:30

I think it's important to remember that autism is often about extremes. Something is right or wrong, black or white, good or bad. There's no grey, nothing in between. This is particularly problematic for those with HFA. In some areas they can appear perfectly normal or well advanced but in another area be so severely autistic it's unbelievable.

For example, I'm fine with rain. Doesn't bother me in the least. But summer sunshine is my idea of hell. I'm Irish fair skinned, ie white - sunburn to lobster - back to white. I get sunburnt just looking out the window. But nothing upon the face of the earth will get me to put suncream on my skin. My 'coping strategy' is to never go out in the sun when there is a risk of sunburn. There is no way to overcome or cope with the sensory horror that is suncream.

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 29-Nov-12 20:09:04

I just can't understand why Flatbread is ignoring everyone who has a child with autism who has posted on this thread. You're all here explaining it to her (and me tbh) and yet she is still trying to tell you what you're all doing wrong?

That is just really beyond the pale.

SauvignonBlanche Thu 29-Nov-12 19:57:31

My DS can turn water into wine. I wish grin

StarlightMcKenzie Thu 29-Nov-12 19:55:31

Mine can see thick people!

MrsDeVere Thu 29-Nov-12 19:54:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SauvignonBlanche Thu 29-Nov-12 19:52:20

Flatbread do fuck off with the 'Rainman' shite, your ignorance is astounding. angry

Greensleeves Thu 29-Nov-12 19:42:22

ds1 is bloody useful if you are stranded in London without a tube map

he still can't tie shoe laces or go a week without wetting the bed

go figger

saintlyjimjams Thu 29-Nov-12 19:38:36

Oh I'm quite interested in that article Flatbread as ds1 does similar stuff (I'm really not trying to spam my blog on here but it keeps being relevant). He can find places on googlemaps that he last saw 11 years ago when he was 2.

But fanjo makes a good point. If you're a teenager who can't talk and can't walk down the road alone it's not actually that usefeul It certainly doesn't reduce the level of care you need although it may help in the the people around you stop treating you like a vegetable.

Pictureperfect Thu 29-Nov-12 15:03:11

I always say queue jumping is the only perk of being disabled (I've never asked and doesn't happen in things like supermarkets), did she say she needed to get to the bus because she was disabled? Sounded a bit cheeky and rude for her to keep giving reasons

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass Thu 29-Nov-12 14:56:47

Even if your child DIDN'T have autism, why should you feel obliged to let her go in front? You were there first so out of principle she should have to wait her turn no matter what the circumstances are. Just because she was in a wheelchair doesn't make her more entitled than a person asking you who wasn't in a wheelchair.

Ra88 Thu 29-Nov-12 14:26:01

YADNBU ! She should have made more time for her outing if she was so worried about being freezing if she missed the bus !

SinisterBuggyMonth Thu 29-Nov-12 14:23:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SinisterBuggyMonth Thu 29-Nov-12 14:21:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Thu 29-Nov-12 14:18:07

Articles like that just fuel the "Rainman" stereotypes IMO.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Thu 29-Nov-12 14:16:37

I hate articles like that..they are wonderful if you have a high functioning child but when your child can't speak, is in nappies and needs 24/7 and probably always will it is hard to think of autism as being an "advantage".

Not sure why that reminded you of this thread, unless it is linked to your minimising of autism earlier?

Flatbread Thu 29-Nov-12 14:04:57

Saw this in NYT and was reminded of this thread. I found it really interesting.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Thu 29-Nov-12 12:47:43

thanks Congratulations on your appointment, sorry I missed the memo grin

But FWIW I think the thread is fine smile

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