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He won't talk

(15 Posts)
Megadishu123 Sun 25-Nov-12 21:00:22

A frustrated fiancée looking for advice and yes he did ask to marry me!!

But ... The rest of the time it is sooooo difficult to get him to communicate. He comes home from work, visits, evening out but he just does not pass on any information.

When we then get together with family and / or friends I then hear - sometimes months later - information, updates, interesting news .... Etc etc.

I am looking for help as I have tried not asking him so he does not feel under pressure. He does admit he is a poor communicator but I get soooo frustrated amongst many other emotions.

I would welcome all ideas.

Sadly I do not have children but nearly 3 step children and a new step grand daughter. We all get on really well but he works near 2 of his daughters and may pop in on the way home which is great but then there is rarely any news ...

What the heck do I do?

Rudolphstolemycarrots Sun 25-Nov-12 21:18:37

Buy him a book on improving his communication skills?

squeakytoy Sun 25-Nov-12 21:21:40

why did his first marriage break up?

apostropheuse Sun 25-Nov-12 21:23:45

Trying to work out how you have "nearly three step children"

Megadishu123 Sun 25-Nov-12 21:24:58

His 1st wife had an affair and mutual separation.

It is difficult to know if that was due to lack of communication. He is deeply loving but keeps it all hidden. Massively patient and a great guy. Feel very lucky but the maddeningly frustrated. I have talked to him about it but he does not know what to say back.

missymoomoomee Sun 25-Nov-12 21:25:30

Me too apostropheuse confused

lovebunny Sun 25-Nov-12 21:25:32

is he aspie? does he compartmentalise? he might think there is no news when actually there are lots of things you'd like to know.
explain what you want from him, clearly and simply. without getting upset.

Megadishu123 Sun 25-Nov-12 21:26:07

2 step children when we get married and his wife was married before and had a daughter so will have 3 lovely step daughters when we marry.

Megadishu123 Sun 25-Nov-12 21:29:30

He says he forgets things

CaliforniaLeaving Mon 26-Nov-12 05:53:23

Well if you are getting married I'd get all this talking lark sorted out first. It won't get better on it's own, usually problems from before marriage get worse with time as they grate on your nerves and life isn't supposed to be that hard. It would drive me batty enough that it would become a deal breaker for me, you must be more tolerant than I am.

Morloth Mon 26-Nov-12 05:59:42

DH doesn't talk much.

I talk a lot, so it works out.

If he isn't a talker then I don't think there is anything you can do about it.

DS1 never shuts the fuck up and DS2 would rather pull teeth than use unnecessary words.

Some people are quiet.

jendot Mon 26-Nov-12 08:37:57

My dp isn't a talker! He never passes on family news, I have to drag how his day has been out of him etc etc I have grown resigned (over the last 12yrs) that this is just how he is. I make sure his family communicate with me directly is there is something they feel I need to know about. We also have a calendar system whereby if he has an 'event' or 'night out' or will be 'late' it has to be on the calendar... If its not on the calendar and I have planned something else and put it on the calendar then my commitment takes priority and he has to cancel or sort the babysitter! This was after years of chaos as he was incapable of telling me when he was going out and EVERY time I planned to do something I ended up cancelling!
It sometimes drives me a bit crazy.... But he is lovely in all other ways. I guess we all have our faults!

12ylnon Mon 26-Nov-12 08:58:09

I have this with DP, it's sooo frustrating! I never get anything from him about work, he'll just go 'yeah it was alright' and I have to find out about company things/competitions etc from other people.
Christ, he told his parents we were having a baby this weekend and I got nothing!!
I find the only thing that helps is asking really really specific questions.

SoHHKB Mon 26-Nov-12 09:44:13

I have this problem from the opposite perspective - my dad is a rubbish communicator. I've got around it by keeping in touch with my step-mum directly and sending texts to both of them if I actually need a response...
I think my new partner will prove similarly frustrating but I plan to build my relationships directly with his family and will hopefully keep up with their news by bypassing him and keep him in the loop at the same time wink
Good luck smile

putonyourredshoes Mon 26-Nov-12 10:38:36

DH fucks me off massively with this. To the point where I am am genuinely thinking what to do about the future. The fucking silence every fucking evening when he sits and watches shite on the TV but it only happy if I'm sat there by his side not saying anything either. Because otherwise he complains if I come on MN to actually talk to people (talk - you know what I mean) as it may indicate I am bored with him and about to have an affair. Wake up fuckwit.

I say it's a huge problem, DH loves me and I love him but WTAF is the point of being married if you don't ever talk?

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