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Regarding contact

(253 Posts)
Pickles77 Sun 25-Nov-12 15:23:09

Regarding DDs twunt of a father 

He has put no effort in with DD and just likes to scream at me. 
As I refused to drive DD around the country today he hasn't seen her but he says he isn't missing anything. I'm just a bitch but his maintainence wouldn't even get me to and from what her wants!
He wants her all weekend next weekend . Am I being unreasonable to say no?
DD doesn't know him, yet he says she doesn't know me.
He's never changed a nappy and he isn't very good with her and to be frank I don't trust him.
I'm so upset on Dd's behalf. She doesn't deserve this and he doesn't realise you don't get these days back.
His time off is precious apparently, he wants it to himself sometimes. I don't ever get time off but apparently this is what I wanted.

AIBU to be sad for DD?
AIBU to stop him seeing DD until he steps up?
AIBU for being so angry angry

HoratiaWinwood Sun 25-Nov-12 15:51:12

How old is DD?

Shakirasma Sun 25-Nov-12 15:55:15

How old is DD?

You would be unreasonable to stop your DD from seeing him full stop based on your own anger, however you would not be unreasonable to refuse to transport her to facilitate him.

make her available for him to collect and drop off, he cannot claim you have stopped him seeing her then. If he wants her overnight but you are not not keen then let him take the issue to court, thus proving to you and more importantly your DD that he really does want to be there for her and will make the neccessary effort.

CremeEggThief Sun 25-Nov-12 15:55:30

YANBU. It's up to him to pick up and drop off during his contact time.

BookFairy Sun 25-Nov-12 16:06:18

Is she very little? I would be concerned myself. Have you taken legal advice?

Pickles77 Sun 25-Nov-12 16:07:28

Dd is ten weeks. He is two and a half hours away. I've been driving around the country since she was three days old. To accommodate him.

StewieGriffinsMom Sun 25-Nov-12 16:09:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pickles77 Sun 25-Nov-12 16:11:31

I want to stop but I am scared.

StewieGriffinsMom Sun 25-Nov-12 16:14:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wannabedomesticgoddess Sun 25-Nov-12 16:14:46

YANBU. Refuse contact. Let him take you to court (I doubt he will) and if he does specify you want his contact supervised.

He is using her to control you. He is emotionally abusive by the sounds of it, saying she doesnt know you is not only ridiculous but very hurtful.

I do not say all this lightly but I have seen some of your other threads, and I dont like the sound of this guy at all.

Pickles77 Sun 25-Nov-12 16:17:47

Stewie-it is exactly as wannabe says sad
He threw me out when I found out I was 22 weeks pregnant, spent til last week shagging someone I hate, decided he wanted me back and he would give me another chance. I said no. He has now gone back nasty in a nutshell.
I've had severe depression, PND and lots of therapy.
It's just finished And I'm going backwards and now this

BookFairy Sun 25-Nov-12 16:18:18

Oh she's still very tiny. Is it possible he's just trying to mess with you, rather than see the baby? He has hardly seen her but has decided he wants her overnight. I agree with StewieGriffinsMom. If he wants to be her father he will do what he can to see her and be a parent, not fanny about making you travel all over the place.

BookFairy Sun 25-Nov-12 16:25:36

Ok I'm a slow typer! Of course she knows you are her mum. Have you made a note of the times you have travelled so he can see her? He clearly does not have her best interests at heart. Don't let him push you backwards after you've done so well.

MrsTomHardy Sun 25-Nov-12 16:26:36

Stop driving your DD around the country to see him.
If he wants to see her he comes and see's her when and where it's convenient for you.
She is so tiny I would not let her out of my sight.
He is paying maintenance for her?

MrsTomHardy Sun 25-Nov-12 16:28:06

Ops sorry, you said he does pay some money. Is this through Csa?? If not I would go through them. Best thing I ever did with my XP.

Pickles77 Sun 25-Nov-12 16:29:55

He pays me thirty. The csa were involved but I dropped it as he went so beserk so he gives me thirty a week.
I stupidly haven't written down where ive been angry

StewieGriffinsMom Sun 25-Nov-12 16:30:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pickles77 Sun 25-Nov-12 16:31:56

Thank you. That's what I think too but I need to be a bit stronger and get some MN reassurance

Pilgit Sun 25-Nov-12 16:39:39

No advice from here just virtual hugs, support tea and biscuits! I've read some of your other threads too and you sound like you're being incredibly strong.

MrsTomHardy Sun 25-Nov-12 16:40:06

Agree with Stewie

Log everything on a calendar.
Go to Csa. I put up with accepting £30 for about 8 years then he pushed me too far one day and I phoned Csa....if I'd gone to them 8 years ago when he had no other dc's or lived with someone with 4 dc's I couldn't got £70-80 a week....I struggled all those years as I wanted to be a nice decent person when infact my DS was missing out on money he should've had sad

foreverondiet Sun 25-Nov-12 16:40:53

She is tiny. At that age you should not be driving her around.

If he wants contact he can drive to a contact centre or similar near you - or maybe you have a local friend who could supervise access for you and him. She is far far too tiny for a whole weekend - once he has looked after her for a few hours on his own in a contact centre or with a frien supervising then maybe some unsupervised access ok - but would doubt overnight acceptable for a while.

wannabedomesticgoddess Sun 25-Nov-12 16:42:56

You sound like a great mum pickles. Honestly, focus on you and your beautiful baby and try to put him out of your head. You are so brave coping with the PND and a baby on your own. Dont ever let him undermine you. All she wants and needs is her mummy.

WilsonFrickett Sun 25-Nov-12 16:44:19

Get legal advice. And go to the CSA. And say no to next weekend. If he wants to go to court he can, I've read enough advice on here to know no court will order more than short contact visits with a baby this wee.

Does he have parental rights?

Stay strong. Can you go back to the GP to continue/restart your counselling? You will need some RL support. ((hugs))

Pickles77 Sun 25-Nov-12 16:52:01

I post here a lot as now my counselling has finished its hard.
I think I'm a nice person I try to keep everyone happy.
I feel like such a cow.
I'd love to go back to my counselling as I feel very weak again and I feel sad all the time.
I need a cry but it doesn't come out anymore. Why I deserve this I don't know. It's horrific. How can I deep down love him. .i don't want to see him again but I do of that makes sense.
I hate myself actually I don't feel complete I don't have a life plan. I struggle each day and god knows what will happen when my maternity is up.
I have not much money and what I do I have I buy dd things, like he never sees her in the same outfit twice like its a statement.
Oh god my brave face is tumbling down again.

Pickles77 Sun 25-Nov-12 16:52:17

How can I keep letting this happen.

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