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Are this bride and groom being unreasonable?

(172 Posts)
TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 13:56:11

Upcoming wedding, children are welcome. Quite large scale do.

One couple are being invited minus their DCs however, because they are very badly behaved. They have run amok at a wedding earlier in the year that the B&G of this wedding were present at. They have also done similar at other social gatherings.

The parents do not discipline their DCs. The mother refuses to because (and she does admit this) she is worried the DCs won't love her if she tells them off. The father is handsoff and defers to the mother on all childrearing issues. This has been the case since they were small children. One is now 10, the other 7.

The parents are angry the DCs have been excluded from this wedding and are thinking of confronting their friends. B&G did not want to have a childfree wedding, but they really do not want the drama and disturbance that accompanies this family with the undisciplined DCs. Other guests that have been present for the behaviour before have actively thanked the B&G for taking this step.

Who is unreasonable? The B&G for excluding the DCs, or the parents for kicking up a fuss about it?

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Sun 25-Nov-12 14:27:05

See that's all stuff that could have been easily prevented/immediately stopped if BOTH parents stepped up to the plate. Not just mum. She sounds pathetic due to her reasons for not dealing with their bad behaviour, but as she gets no back up from their dad she's got an uphill struggle anyway.

Sometimes you have to wonder why certain people bother to have kids at all hmm

Mrsjay Sun 25-Nov-12 14:27:16

these kids are 10 and 7 so not little and they still don't know how to behave oh Id just sit back and watch those teen years slap them about the face .

Mrsjay Sun 25-Nov-12 14:28:22

I have a family member like these parents infact she left her husband because of him trying to discipline her children and now they are out of control but at last they like her eh hmm

marriedinwhite Sun 25-Nov-12 14:28:47

Actually I think it is unreasonable to invite everyone else's children and not theirs. I wouldn't have invited the couple or their children - the couple are responsible for the children's behaviour ultimately. And I would not have provided an explanation to anyone.

ChaoticismyLife Sun 25-Nov-12 14:29:23

Team bride and groom here smile

The parents need to start disciplining their children and fast before it's too late, if it isn't already.

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Sun 25-Nov-12 14:30:28

Kudos to the B and G!

Salmotrutta Sun 25-Nov-12 14:30:56

B&G deffo NBU!

Mind you - even if the parents want to come on their own it doesn't sound like there would be a stampede of people willing to babysit the little horrors children shock

pinkyredrose Sun 25-Nov-12 14:31:19

I actually feel quite sorry for the children. Growing up without boundaries, guidance, discipline and an understanding of respect is a terrible start in life.

Jacksmania Sun 25-Nov-12 14:31:50

Please read the thread! It's not that the mum gets no back-up from the dad. Apparently he is completely under her thumb and when he tries to discipline, she won't let him.

Jacksmania Sun 25-Nov-12 14:32:22

ComfusedPixie, oh dear - that is unfortunately a very good point!

pinkyredrose Sun 25-Nov-12 14:33:04

I read the thread.

pinkyredrose Sun 25-Nov-12 14:33:45

Oh was that aimed at me jacks?!

LemonBreeland Sun 25-Nov-12 14:36:15

Wow that is not just a bit naughty, that is completely out of control.

I also feel sorry for the kids as it does them no favours. I know a parent like this. Her ds is 9, and my ds used to go to school with him. In the 7 years I've known this woman amd her child she has never told him off properly. She split up with his Dad a couple of years ago and last year he went to live with his Dad as she couldn't cope with him. All her own making. On top of that the child is disliked by everyone, he constantly lies, and is bullying, he seems to lack confidence as he just doesn't have boundaries.

Welovecouscous Sun 25-Nov-12 14:37:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thenightsky Sun 25-Nov-12 14:38:38

At 10 and 7 that is shocking behaviour shock

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Sun 25-Nov-12 14:39:47

I read it too hmm way I see it dad has free will. He is perfectly capable of of thinking for himself and sorting out his DCs bad behaviour and chooses not to put up a fight and let mum do it her way.

So therefore they are both to blame. imo. Not hard to figure out really is it?

CaptainKirksNipples Sun 25-Nov-12 14:40:08

This is totally reasonable. I get pissed of because my verry cute and perfect well behaved dc's KEEP getting invited to weddings, the whole shebang when I want to have a child free night away :-) they even ate a Parma ham and rocket starter ffs! At 5 and 7 they can stay up quite late too...

hackmum Sun 25-Nov-12 14:42:14

I'm with the bride and groom on this.

Obviously I would be mortified if I was the mum concerned, and I was going to put in a word of sympathy for her, but then I read the ages of the children and was shocked! Running up and down, smashing glasses, stealing people's food, and all once you're well past toddlerhood? There's something very wrong there.

Mrsjay Sun 25-Nov-12 14:42:35

I actually feel quite sorry for the children. Growing up without boundaries, guidance, discipline and an understanding of respect is a terrible start in lif

yes it is I agree with you children do look for some boundaries and guidance to make them feel safe imo

Jacksmania Sun 25-Nov-12 14:43:09

TidyDancer Sun 25-Nov-12 14:24:12
Oh yes, the father is equally responsible. I believe he has tried on occasion to do something about the lack of punishments that follow the bad behaviour, but the mother has stopped him. He is very under the thumb.

^so it's clearly not that the mother isn't getting back-up from the father. She is but she's stopping him.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Sun 25-Nov-12 14:49:09

Meh. He's still as bad as the mother though isnt he?

So does it really bloody matter? hmm Such nit picking!

Janeatthebarre Sun 25-Nov-12 14:59:28

The B&G are NBU. Maybe if more of us behaved like this instead of gritting our teeth and smiling insincerely when other people's children behave like annyoing little brats and are let away with murder, more of these idiotic parents would start putting manners on their children and realise that 'no, they are not cute little things that everyone loves unconditionally - they are rude, obnoxious and growing up to be totally dislikeable people through no fault of their own.
Does it occur to this mother who is so desperate for her children to love her that she is actually turning them into people that no one else will love? Selfish behaviour, really

JustFabulous Sun 25-Nov-12 15:03:30

I would say I understand the mother's reasoning behind her not disciplining her children but I would get a major kicking, I know it.

FirmlyInTheClosetAsImAMonster Sun 25-Nov-12 15:04:31

Obviously the bride and groom are being unreasonable for deliberately excluding young children. They're behaving like children themselves, it's like we're all back in school and they're picking teams and deliberatly leave a kid out. Ridiculous. And to let everyone know that these children have been excluded is also horrific and just plain mean. Why is it any of your business the way those parents choose to parent their kids?!?! angry

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 25-Nov-12 15:06:42

Because they behave atrociously and are a liability to have at an event like a wedding?

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