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to be frustrated when friends make such bad choices about men

(16 Posts)
TiggyD Sat 24-Nov-12 18:56:10

I'm a man type person. I work with all women, usually young 'uns. They spend all the time going out with, "getting off with", moving in with, or having babies with as many of the biggest losers in the country as possible then come to work and complain that all men are bastards.

FreudiansSlipper Sat 24-Nov-12 17:19:53

supposedly intelligent women

what only less intelligent or less educatd women get involved with controling men

you could always improve your undestanding of relationships that are unhealthy and the complexities surronding them you may find you have more empathy

YourHandInMyHand Sat 24-Nov-12 17:13:15

Send them all a link to the red flags thread on here, under a new email address so they don't know it's from you.

The friend who's been with her previously hmm violent abusive partner for 6 months and is trying for a baby already - who wouldn't judge that!?! shock Does she not think she can do better!?

RichardSimmonsTankTop Sat 24-Nov-12 17:08:17

I'm sure not everyone agrees with YOUR life choices, friends.

You're coming across as very smug. I've made plenty of bad decisions in my life - including bad choices with men. Fortunately my friends didn't judge me because they aren't perfect either. They were just there for me.

HecatePropylaea Sat 24-Nov-12 17:05:21

It is frustrating though when people you love are making choices that appear to be making them unhappy or which have the potential to put them at risk for something which, from the outside, isn't worth it. - A bloke who is an arse.

I think it's not unreasonable to wish they'd make a different choice.

I'm fairly sure there are people in my life who wish I had grin

But yes, the view from inside is very different from (than? to?) the view from outside.

friendsmakebadchoices Sat 24-Nov-12 16:58:39

Wow I do think that's a bit harsh. Some life choices are just so bad.......

ilovesooty Sat 24-Nov-12 16:39:46

The alternative is not being a cheerleader. It's accepting that you don't exist inside someone else's skin and you do not see the world from their perspective. You sound controlling - you're not responsible for the (perceived) value your friends put on themselves and it's unnecessary for you to get "annoyed" about someone else's life choices.

friendsmakebadchoices Sat 24-Nov-12 16:16:38

amicissima - men like that should come with a health warning!

RichardSimmonsTankTop Sat 24-Nov-12 16:09:12

The alternative doesn't mean being a 'cheerleader', of course, just being there for your friends. I'm sure they already know how you feel.

amicissimma Sat 24-Nov-12 16:09:01

I know a couple of women who listened sympathetically to tales of horrific exes, only to be devasted to find they were being similarly described to the new woman.

Another friend whose 'D'P had left three previous partners when they were pregnant was shocked when she fell pregnant and ... surprise! Off he went.

Funnylittleturkishdelight Sat 24-Nov-12 16:08:39

My friend makes me equally despair. But we had a breakthrough this weekend when she DIDN'T shag her married boss and instead just had a grope and went home. I wish I could make her see how much she's worth and that she is enabling shitty men to use her.

friendsmakebadchoices Sat 24-Nov-12 16:07:19

I absolutely am judgemental. I have to hold my hands up to it. I don't like that but when the alternative appears to me to be a cheerleader for damaging relationships what are you to do?

RichardSimmonsTankTop Sat 24-Nov-12 16:05:20

All you can do is just be there for them. But you do sound quite judgmental, it's very easy to say 'leave the bastard' but until you find yourself in the same circumstances you'll never know how you'll react.

friendsmakebadchoices Sat 24-Nov-12 15:59:59

Oh nose - the more I see of life the more I think of When Harry Met Sally 'I don't think he's ever going to leave her' 'Nobody thinks he's ever going to leave her'

These are supposedly intelligent women. They should know they are worth more!

noseinabook Sat 24-Nov-12 15:57:49

Oh yes. A friend of mine is STILL waiting for 'her' man to leave his partner and has been doing for about ten years now, turning a blind eye to their 'business' trips to Wales or wherever etc. Deluded.

friendsmakebadchoices Sat 24-Nov-12 15:55:38

This is a rant so beware:

It's just so annoying! And sad come to that.

I have friends making the most awful decisions. A friend staying with a controlling man - even though she admitted he is isolating her from her friends and she bears all the financial weight of the household. Another friend who has taken back the bloke who dumped her and broke her heart. She got herself together, started going out a bit, talking about travelling - and wham! Back comes the original loser and she takes him back!!!!

Worst of all I have a friend from university (so only in facebook contact not face to face so I can't really sit her down and shout at her to see reason talk to her.) Facebook is full of how they are trying for a baby - which in itself is nauseating - but what's worse is that I know (she told me in the early days of the relationship) her bloke has anger management issues and did time - for physical abuse of his son with another woman - who he is now trying to get access to. The mother of the child is very resitstant to this and my friend is very harsh about her but seems to have no idea of why she might feel so strongly hmm Why is she trying to have a baby with this man? I'm not sure if recovery for him is possible but if it is it's way too early for all that - this all happened in the last 5 years. I think it needs to be a lot longer before you can be sure he's changed and they've only been together 6 months.

I try to be a good friend and not bitch about their awful men but it's very hard - to hear them complaining one minute and then everything rosy the next. AIBU?

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