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to bugger off and leave DP with DS over night? -long

(149 Posts)
lola88 Sat 24-Nov-12 15:29:57

not so much AIBU but should i?

DP seriously thinks maternity leave is a year long holiday and i sit about watch telly and drinking cups of tea all day. DS still doesn't sleep through the night at 10mo but i quote 'it's not like you have anything to do in the day' so it doesn't matter that i'm constantly shattered because i'll obviously just be sitting around all day and can sleep when i want. Obviously this is bull i hardly sit down these days.

So last night i stayed with my mum as i had the downstairs carpets cleaned and it's not practical keeping a crawling baby off the floor for 24 hours so DP got a full sleep andd lie in, i got 5 hours sleep and up at 7. Dp went out with his mum at 2 taking DS with him as i said i didn't want to go (came home for some peace) DP has already been on the phone complaining that DS has been screaming his head off because he was woken up from a nap to early rookie error and when he comes home it's my turn.

My mums invited me round to hers tonight as she's having a few friends over and said i should stay to let DP see what it's really like being me (he's never been up in the night then got up in the morning) I had said no as i'm worried that DP won't cope with no sleep and i was away from home last night but after this whining phone call about the baby crying and it being stressful as if i've never had to deal with it i'm thinking about going round to stay at my mums.

DP said i should go tonight when i told him about it last night so he won't object so should i chuck him head first in the deep end and just go out?

GhostShip Sat 24-Nov-12 16:42:59


Mumsnet tells you to.

Euphemia Sat 24-Nov-12 16:44:30

2pm at the earliest, maybe think of "something" you need to get in town first ...


PuppyMonkey Sat 24-Nov-12 16:45:16

No brainer - off you go.

MontBlanc Sat 24-Nov-12 16:55:41

GO! I'll tell you why - I have the very occasional day/night off and I come back to SUCH a grateful DH who has new insight into what I do everyday.

It's good for them and they need to know how to take full responsibility now and again (plus I think it empowers them to do it more often).

Otherwise you'll get into a situation like my friend who has not left her child with her DH for even ONE evening (let alone an overnight stay) in two years because poor DH just wouldn't cope, 'can't' put the child down to bed as he 'won't let him' and needs his mum and all that nonsense.

blackeyedsusan Sat 24-Nov-12 17:04:53

go out. turn off you mobile. report back on him tomorrow. we will have wine ready!

FurryDogMother Sat 24-Nov-12 17:09:32

Go, have a great, relaxed evening, and don't forget to text DP in the morning asking what time your roast Sunday dinner will be ready :D

Tailtwister Sat 24-Nov-12 17:09:56

Yes, go. He has no idea does he? This is your chance to give him a taste of what you have to do. Have a lovely evening and a long lie in tomorrow too.

Jacksmania Sat 24-Nov-12 17:22:45

Go. You need to. He is an arse.

I second turning off your phone and telling him why. You're surely not unreachable at your mum's, unless she has no landline? Tell him not to call you unless it's an emergency.

Bogeyface Sat 24-Nov-12 17:35:35

I dont understand men like this. My H takes great pride in his abilities as a parent, he will cheerfully do early mornings and/or night wakings, infact he is better at them than me as I take ages to wake up! He can cope just as well as I can with the kids all day, do dinner, bath, bedtime etc. He has said before, about a friend of ours who sounds just like your H, that he would be ashamed of not being able to take care of his own child.

FYI, he will very likely ring you later with some made up reason why you must come home, so be prepared for that.

impty Sat 24-Nov-12 18:00:44

Go, stay until 2pm switch off your phone. Have a lovely night.

I'm always more appreciated if DH is left to it for a while!

CailinDana Sat 24-Nov-12 18:08:30

What I always think is hilarious about situations like this is that when the woman looks after the children, it's piss easy, it's not tiring, you can sleep when you like yada yada. But when the man does it, it's oh so tiring, it's boring, they're knackered blah blah blah. How on earth does that work? If he think you sit around all day eating biscuits and drifting in and out of peaceful naps, perhaps he could do it every weekend? Call him on his bullshit OP - if it's hard for him then it's hard for you.

NatashaBee Sat 24-Nov-12 18:15:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VIX1980 Sat 24-Nov-12 18:19:50

pack your things and run, run as fast as you can.

Just hope your dp doesnt do what mine would do and have his mum come round to help him out, perhaps if you get on well enough with her ring to say if he asks dont go please, im trying to get him to see what its like for me.

helpyourself Sat 24-Nov-12 18:24:28

Hope you have a great evening.

BelaLugosisShed Sat 24-Nov-12 18:30:58

Ask him what time he's cooking lunch so you know when to be home wink.

littlewhitebag Sat 24-Nov-12 18:34:59

Go - and make sure you drink some wine so you cannot drive home under any circumstances if he calls you later!

caramelwaffle Sat 24-Nov-12 18:56:00


Curtsey Sat 24-Nov-12 19:03:21

I think you're being bit unfair to your DP.



wheredidiputit Sat 24-Nov-12 19:23:30


And make sure you're not back until lunchtime. So you get a nice long sleep (although you probably won't because your missing dc).

OHforDUCKScake Sat 24-Nov-12 19:54:12

Have a lovely night off. Look forward to the big smile and the 'its not easy is it?'

Come back tomorrow, tell us what a good time you had and how DP coped.

Enjoy. smile

OddBoots Sat 24-Nov-12 19:56:26

Go, have a lovely night and don't let any of his guilt trips touch you.

peppajay Sat 24-Nov-12 20:05:36

I can't beleive how every one just jumps on the " go and leave him to it" my hubby is like this and he will not have kids overnight and no he couldn't cope. Not every man feels. Comfortable in charge of such a all precious thing and especially at 10 months I would never have left my kids then because my baby wouldn't have been comfortable with it my hubby wouldn't and I certainly wouldn't have been to relax. So many women these days treat their partner with no respect and just expect hem to do as they say but everyone has to be comfortable with the decision great but cut them slack if they are not comfortable it is selfish just to up and go. My hubby isn't very pro active with the kids he does his bit but leaving him alone with them for more than hr would tip him over the edge. He does so much for us on other ways do please ladies just remember they are human to and I can't beleive how harsh some of you are no wonder so many relationships end in divorce if the way you talk to your husbands on this thread is anything to go by!

BliztenShitzinURWheelieBin Sat 24-Nov-12 20:07:36

Expecting a man to care for his baby is a lack of respect!



OddBoots Sat 24-Nov-12 20:08:51

I take it you mean not every person feels comfortable in charge of a precious thing?

If a dad did all the day to day care but wanted a night out I'd be telling him to go too, they are both parents.

AnyFucker Sat 24-Nov-12 20:10:10

peppa, your husband is being treated like a child himself

by you

don't be surprised if he gets fed up of being patronised by a mummy figure

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