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To think that just because I look a bit different doesn't mean

(194 Posts)
FrenchRuby Fri 23-Nov-12 23:37:37

That it's ok to lean out of your car and shout abuse at me? Or make rude comments.
I have blue hair and lots of tattoos and piercings. Now I do know that this is entirely my choice and I do expect odd looks, which to be honest I don't get now nearly as much as I used to but still the the odd double take or people saying they like my hair etc.
Yesterday I was walking my son to school and standing at the road waiting to cross and some guy leaned out of his van and shouted 'Urg what the fuck is that' at me.
It's not the first time people have been rude. A while ago I was sat on the bus with my dh and an old lady leaned over and said to us 'I feel so sorry for your little boy, he is going to be so ashamed of you when he is older'. And I once had a lady tell me that I'd never get a boyfriend with all that metal in my face. How do people think this is ok, just to comment on people's appearance like that? By all means think it, I don't care what people think, if I did I wouldn't look like I do.

MmeGuillotine Sat 24-Nov-12 21:18:08

I am a goth and have had bright pink hair (but no tattoos and no piercings at all) for many years now and I don't think I've ever had any hassle about it. I get people coming up to me all the time to say how much they like it and I hear children at my DS's school occasionally asking their mothers about it but other than that, it's as if no one has noticed!

However, my natural hair colour is a rather vivid shade of red and I used to get abuse ALL THE TIME for that. I find it quite funny that no one bats so much as an eyelash at my pink hair but when I had my natural colour, I could barely set foot outside without some idiot shouting something or being asked impertinent questions about my genital region. ;)

I accept that choosing to look the way I do is inevitably going to attract attention but I feel really happy, strong and confident when I look this way - which is a big deal as I have Aspergers.

AuntieMaggie Sat 24-Nov-12 20:27:46


I'd love to colour my hair a bright colour but being a natural blonde any colour fades in about 2 days.

I get unwanted attention about the size of my boobs no matter how conservatively I dress. Having recently lost weight they stick out more again and having some knobhead shout obscenities at me out of his shitty car when I was walkin home at 3pm in the afternoon made me feel shit about myself and want to put all the weight back on.

Nobody has the right to make anyone to feel that way because of how they look.

SchroSawMummyRidingSantaClaus Sat 24-Nov-12 20:21:58

My hair is no longer bright as I want my own colour back but even though I have taken loads of piercings out, I still get this. sad

I have my cheeks pierced so there is no way I can hide them really and I am pretty much covered in tattoos, including my hands and chest and a half sleeve. I live in Glasgow, it's ned city here so I get abuse a lot. I wish people would just grow up and accept that others own lives are theirs to make their own choices about and that underneath it all, we are all the same.

Sophie Lancaster has already been mentioned, I was going to until I seen that she had been mentioned. I wear a Sophie band, I really believe that no one should have to suffer because of how they choose to dress or what they choose to do with their body.

Glittertwins Sat 24-Nov-12 20:15:53

I'd love to have blue hair all over. I used to have it black with violet and electric blue streaks a few years back and more recently bright pink underlayer. It took quite a bit of maintenance to keep the pink bright. I bet the insults came from larger than average, badly dressed people...(not that I am judging but this is where I got the insults from).

NotMostPeople Sat 24-Nov-12 20:12:10

My dd gets a lot of stick at school for being a goth (a label she doesn't like, but to give you an idea). She is 13 is in uniform at school but sneaks a bit of black eyeliner on so not outrageously dressed but just this week one of her class mates felt the need to tell her that 'people like you make me sick'. This is from a girl who blindly follows the trend for Jack Wills, One Direction and spends her evenings pouting in an overt manner for Facebook photos - I know which one I'd rather have as a daughter.

BrittaPerry Sat 24-Nov-12 20:04:40

I have purple hair, and apparently I dress oddly. I have no idea in what way I dress oddly, most of my clothes are from normal shops and everything, and even when I wear a suit (when I had my natural hair) people still said I was a 'dirty mosher', so...shrug.

Anyhow. Yes, you do need to dress in a certain way to be a banker or whatever, but if you are just going about your daily life, you shoukd be able to wear what you like (except obscene t shirts etc, obv)

Most of the mums my age round here wear hair extensions, fake tan, heels and so on, and there is NO WAY I would insult them about it. No way.

I would find it difficult to believe that people would do such things, but unfortunatly I got it loads as a teenager, and what about poor Sophie Lancaster?

What do the haters wear, anyway?

gimmecakeandcandy Sat 24-Nov-12 19:56:46

One of the things I hate most in this world is the fact that people ate so judged on what they wear, how they have their hair etc. Why? And why do people think that just because someone dyes their hair blue they ate doin it for attention? Erm, can't it just be for themselves? Some people have a really backward view of what people should/should not wear. I can't believe the rude comments the op has had from real life people! It's craZy!

Op you wear what you want and ignore the ignorant wankers in the street who say stupid, ignorant things.

FryOneFatManic Sat 24-Nov-12 19:48:26

The sad thing is that while we have judgemental people like ClippedPhoenix (and yes you are being judgemental), then we will still get people abused for any reason. It's just that hair colour, clothing, etc is a little more obvious, but nasty people will still find something to abuse people with.

It all boils down to the attitude of "you are different to me, so therefore there's something wrong with you" that so many narrow-minded people display.

We are all different; we should just accept that.

FrenchRuby Sat 24-Nov-12 19:46:17

That's my point! Why do people think that that's an ok thing to do?!

5dcsinneedofacleaner Sat 24-Nov-12 19:42:33

some people just need to keep their opinions to themselves dont they!. If you want to have blue hair etc what business is it of theirs?

I have red hair and my 3 youngest children alo have red hair - I have had cars beep me when im walking with them to shout "witty" red hair comments. Have you ever had "do you have ginger pubes" shouted through a car window at you while walking with your children - I have and it makes me a tad angry.

FryOneFatManic Sat 24-Nov-12 19:17:44

I had blue streaks in my hair when I was a teenager, and dyed it bright red for a number of years. I was always a bit different, sort of cross between a hippy and a metalhead in style. No way would I have toned it down to please some numpty who thought that they were the arbiter of normal.

I still dress a lot like that.

DD is developing her own style, very sharp tailoring, etc, which again for a child of her age (12) isn't really what some people consider normal. But I support her choice to dress as she likes (and she has style.) grin

scottishmummy Sat 24-Nov-12 18:04:24

I wholeheartedly agree,find your own individual style,wear what suits you
and be aware you'll not please everyone

superstarheartbreaker Sat 24-Nov-12 18:02:11

In my opinion once you have kids it is all the more reason to hang onto whatever your OWN identity is rather than conforming to a yummy mummy boden/Cath Kidston mess.

scottishmummy Sat 24-Nov-12 17:54:34

thank you for recalling Sophie Lancaster case, dreadfully sad
fwiw,my kids love the look of goths,piercings,colured hair.they stare appreciatively

rhondajean Sat 24-Nov-12 17:48:28

French I bet you look amazing.

scottishmummy Sat 24-Nov-12 17:46:00

it's extremely rude of people to make abusive comments and be obnoxious
however, you must know certain looks will provoke response,comment
equally looking like a towie girl would get comments too. if you're happy ignore folk

specialsubject Sat 24-Nov-12 17:44:37

Doing something unusual with your appearance will attract attention. That means people are allowed to look, although I think staring at anyone is a bit rude.

abuse and insults, absolutely not. Being a little old lady is no excuse for comments like that! And clearly you did get a boyfriend :-)

This is a perfect case of the old 'if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing!' What is wrong with people?

aufaniae Sat 24-Nov-12 17:42:24

Ha ha, oops! I meant clipped!

ChippingIn if you read this, I do apologise if it looked like I was aiming that at you, I have no idea what your views on conformity are!

FivesAndNorks Sat 24-Nov-12 17:38:27

ChippingIn isn't on this thread

MurderOfGoths Sat 24-Nov-12 17:38:07

In the 20's women were arrested for wearing swimming costumes. They should have conformed or kept quiet obviously hmm Now that's the way to change attitudes, obviously

aufaniae Sat 24-Nov-12 17:35:47

Chipping do you wear trousers?

I imagine many thousands of women had to put up with open abuse from randoms for wearing trousers before it became acceptable.

Should they have conformed and stuck to skirts?

jessiegeesusinamanger Sat 24-Nov-12 17:24:47

YANBU. I have no idea why people feel they can/should comment on the appearance of total strangers. It seems that some people are threatened by anything even very slightly different and their discomfort seems to compel them to express their opinion. It's hard if you are quite sensitive not to take it personally though.

I don't look/sound English and have had loads of mad comments by random strangers over the years. I've been told to go home/ go back to where I come from. It is v ignorant and infantile. Actually that insults infants because I've never had a mean comment from a child. If you like blue hair and piercings then be proud of your look and ignore the idiots who have an issue with it.

Plomino Sat 24-Nov-12 14:00:31

Well done murderofgoths . You said exactly what I wanted to say .

I used to have deep deep purple hair . Down to my bum. Wore black (and purple!) Went to Goth clubs . And didn't feel the need to pass judgement on anyone else whilst I was doing it . Why should I be abused ?

How did looking different suddenly make it ok to be a target of abuse ? And at what point , is different , different? Should those who wish to be different all live together so as all to conform and not invite abuse ?Like in ghettos maybe ? And frankly Clippedphoenix , if you don't read the papers , or watch the news, then maybe you should .

roughtyping Sat 24-Nov-12 13:34:31

I hate the line 'You're doing it for attention' grr.

I had pink hair for a few years, my mum hated it. I'm naturally blonde and she would go on and on about how people pay so much money to have blonde hair, and there I was, ruining it. It drove me crazy - she just couldn't see that I WASN'T OTHER PEOPLE. I loved my pink hair - it was so bright and lovely. Lots of different shades. I dyed it because I liked the way it looked, not because I wanted people to stare at me.

YANBU, what absolute idiots for shouting at you.

MurderOfGoths Sat 24-Nov-12 12:51:48

So clipped if someone said they wore a certain item as their religion required it and were getting abuse for it, would you tell them to "toughen up" or conform?

Or if a natural red head said they were getting abuse for their hair colour, it's their choice not to dye their hair so they should "toughen up"?

What about someone who is overweight? Lose weight or "toughen up"?

Someone with extremely pale skin? Fake tan or "toughen up"?

Wears glasses? Change to contacts or "toughen up"?

Just because there are people who think they are entitled to yell abuse doesn't mean that the rest of us should do what they want. Being quiet and "taking the knocks" just allows them to carry on. Changing so as not to upset them makes them think they are right.

Saying "you've invited it" is victim blaming, whether you like it or not.

It is equivalent to saying that wearing a short skirt invites rape.

It is equivalent to saying being openly gay invites attacks.

It is equivalent to saying being black in a predominantly white area invites attack.

After all, all the above know that there are idiots who think they have the right to abuse those they see as different. Obviously the girl in the short skirt, the openly gay person, and the black person should all take responsibility for the abuse they get. They choose to put themselves in danger right?

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