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To think that just because I look a bit different doesn't mean

(194 Posts)
FrenchRuby Fri 23-Nov-12 23:37:37

That it's ok to lean out of your car and shout abuse at me? Or make rude comments.
I have blue hair and lots of tattoos and piercings. Now I do know that this is entirely my choice and I do expect odd looks, which to be honest I don't get now nearly as much as I used to but still the the odd double take or people saying they like my hair etc.
Yesterday I was walking my son to school and standing at the road waiting to cross and some guy leaned out of his van and shouted 'Urg what the fuck is that' at me.
It's not the first time people have been rude. A while ago I was sat on the bus with my dh and an old lady leaned over and said to us 'I feel so sorry for your little boy, he is going to be so ashamed of you when he is older'. And I once had a lady tell me that I'd never get a boyfriend with all that metal in my face. How do people think this is ok, just to comment on people's appearance like that? By all means think it, I don't care what people think, if I did I wouldn't look like I do.

WorraLiberty Sat 24-Nov-12 00:18:24

Fair point Buddy

MrsMushroom Sat 24-Nov-12 00:18:28

Of course it's unacceptable to shout abuse at someone in the street. It's terrible. But I will say again, that in choosing to look different you are somewhat inviting it....not that this should stop you...but you have to accept that the world has some knobheads in it and if you walk about looking different then they will see you as a victim and go for you.

BalthierBunansa Sat 24-Nov-12 00:18:39


I doesn't matter how you decide to wear your hair or whatever, NO-ONE deserves rude comments like that. You should be able to express yourself how you like without having to worry about what other people think, but unfortunately so many people do think it their duty to make such unnecessary comments sad

BuddyTheChristmasElf Sat 24-Nov-12 00:18:41

honestly though, nasty twats out to be nasty twats will be nasty twats to whoever they encounter that day. People don't really care about other people's hair colour that much, its just an easy excuse to be nasty to someone you were going to be nasty to anyway

FrenchRuby Sat 24-Nov-12 00:18:50

You're right buddy, it's well out of the way of town which is probably why there isn't much trouble there.

WorraLiberty Sat 24-Nov-12 00:19:16

French what a twat sad

MurderOfGoths Sat 24-Nov-12 00:19:38

"It's not about me rebelling anymore though is it? Life I mean. It's about being happy, keeping my family safe and healthy and going against the grain doesn't seem important....not in a physical way anyway. I'd rather challenge the system in a less obvious way.."

If you did it to rebel then that makes sense. I do it because I like the colour.

MurderOfGoths Sat 24-Nov-12 00:21:16

worra I've been giggling at my own nickname on this thread grin

WorraLiberty Sat 24-Nov-12 00:23:36

I have a mental image of Goths lurking but too nervous to post grin

CleansLate Sat 24-Nov-12 00:24:01

Mushroom saying she's inviting it is perilously close to saying women in short skirts who get drunk are somehow inviting being assaulted.

MurderOfGoths Sat 24-Nov-12 00:24:03

"that in choosing to look different you are somewhat inviting it"


I am in no way responsible for the actions of small minded twats.

ClippedPhoenix Sat 24-Nov-12 00:25:16

Unfortunately though that is the world we live in. I'm not saying it's right either Worra. I'm just saying that if you choose to be different then you take the knocks and brush them off, that's part of the deal.

MrsMushroom Sat 24-Nov-12 00:26:02

Murder well that's fair did I when I dyed mine! But you are doing it because you want to be different too....I like purple but wont dye my hair that colour...because I don't want to be different anymore.

Wanting to stand out in a subversive way is rather immature's a sign of someone who has yet to accept themselves imo.

ClippedPhoenix Sat 24-Nov-12 00:28:11

Here we go, yes, women should be able to wear next to nothing on a night out but hey, human nature depicts that it's inviting attention of the bad kind, its a fact that we live with, there are squillions of twats around and always will be, therefore not inviting attention,whilst wrong is the sensible way to go.

MurderOfGoths Sat 24-Nov-12 00:28:35

"I'm just saying that if you choose to be different then you take the knocks and brush them off, that's part of the deal."

So when I had stones thrown at me for walking home one time it was just part of the deal was it? (FWIW I had normal coloured hair, no visible piercings, no makeup, my crime was wearing a leather trenchcoat while walking past a group of people who were wearing tracksuits)

And when I had a man and his friends corner me and attempt to rip out my lip piercing that was part of the deal too was it?

MrsMushroom Sat 24-Nov-12 00:28:44

Clean don't be an utter twat and DO NOT DARE say that about me. I am a feminist and you don't even know me.

Murder you're not responsible for small minded twats. But if I walk around in a ballgown and a rabbit mask because I like them, well then I can't complain when people call me odd can I?

Of course I can't....anyone who dresses in a way which stands out from the crowd WILL attract attention. It's a can get all defensive....but it's human/animal nature.

FrenchRuby Sat 24-Nov-12 00:29:08

I'm not doing it because I want to be different, I'm doing it because I like having blue hair, it really is as simple as that, just like some people like to have blonde hair or brown hair or red hair, because they like the look of it.

MrsMushroom Sat 24-Nov-12 00:29:37

Murder tbh it sounds like you live in a terrible place more than anything.

MurderOfGoths Sat 24-Nov-12 00:29:57

"Wanting to stand out in a subversive way is rather immature's a sign of someone who has yet to accept themselves imo"

That's one way of looking at it.

Some people might say that going against their own desires in order to fit in with their peer group is pretty immature behaviour.

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 24-Nov-12 00:30:00

YANBU - people who feel the need to comment negatively on a random strangers appearance are pathetic beyond belief.

WorraLiberty Sat 24-Nov-12 00:30:29

In choosing an 'alternative/extreme' appearance you invite extra interest head turning - that sort of thing.

So if the OP was moaning about people doing a double take or looking at her with interest, she would be very very unreasonable.

If she was moaning that she'd asked someone if they liked the way she looks and they said, "No I can't stand it"...she would be very very unreasonable.

But she's not, she's angry that she was insulted by some knob head shouting from a car window and she has every right to be angry without being told to suck it up or conform.

MurderOfGoths Sat 24-Nov-12 00:31:10

"well then I can't complain when people call me odd can I?"

You could definitely complain if they were abusive to you.

We aren't talking about people remarking on people being a bit different, we are talking about people yelling abuse. Big difference.

FrenchRuby Sat 24-Nov-12 00:31:41

MrsMushroom, if you walked around in a ball gown and a rabbit mask, I wouldn't shout 'What the fuck is that' at you....

MrsMushroom Sat 24-Nov-12 00:32:17

Murder's a fact that one grows and the desire to be different fades...other needs take the place of that. Nothing to do with "going against their own desires" more to do with growing as a person.

MurderOfGoths Sat 24-Nov-12 00:32:19

worra explained it perfectly.

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