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To think that just because I look a bit different doesn't mean

(194 Posts)
FrenchRuby Fri 23-Nov-12 23:37:37

That it's ok to lean out of your car and shout abuse at me? Or make rude comments.
I have blue hair and lots of tattoos and piercings. Now I do know that this is entirely my choice and I do expect odd looks, which to be honest I don't get now nearly as much as I used to but still the the odd double take or people saying they like my hair etc.
Yesterday I was walking my son to school and standing at the road waiting to cross and some guy leaned out of his van and shouted 'Urg what the fuck is that' at me.
It's not the first time people have been rude. A while ago I was sat on the bus with my dh and an old lady leaned over and said to us 'I feel so sorry for your little boy, he is going to be so ashamed of you when he is older'. And I once had a lady tell me that I'd never get a boyfriend with all that metal in my face. How do people think this is ok, just to comment on people's appearance like that? By all means think it, I don't care what people think, if I did I wouldn't look like I do.

CleansLate Fri 23-Nov-12 23:59:52

I had blue hair when DS was starting nursery. One of the mums of a totally different child in a different year said "my DD likes your hair but I've told her it's ridiculous".

Thanks, random woman. I did dye my hair brown after that, ashamed to say, but I was only 22 and got enough judgey looks for being young (was often mistaken for the nanny/au pair), in an area where that wasn't the norm.

At the school the DCs go to now there's a mum in her mid 30s with green hair (sort of forest green), and no judgey looks.

tryingsoonflying Fri 23-Nov-12 23:59:55

I think people stepping outside of boundaries are often interesting by definition. Certainly when it was the trend to be punky and/or gothy (I grew up in central London when weird was normal) then you get the "me toos" who use a trend to hang their complexes on, sometimes not nice ones, but these days, when spray tan and plastic perfection is more normal, actually I think people who dare to be different are more interesting.

MurderOfGoths Sat 24-Nov-12 00:01:02

I've got turquoise hair right now, luckily no abuse as yet.

It is never acceptable to yell abuse at someone due to how they look, even if they have chosen it. Unfortunately I've met a fair few people who cannot see the difference between them being allowed an opinion and being allowed to be nasty.

I don't give a damn if people don't like my hair, I didn't do it for them!

As for goths being nice/nasty. You'll always get nasty fuckers, in every area of life. However I think on the whole the alternative scene is nicer. I know that the alt pubs/clubs I went to rarely had fights, whereas a lot of the "normal" pubs clubs in the same towns needed a police presence at kicking out time.

tryingsoonflying Sat 24-Nov-12 00:02:17

and sorry weird was not meant in a judgmental way blush, more explaining the norm when I was young (eons ago sadly!)

MurderOfGoths Sat 24-Nov-12 00:02:27

"that's just the way it is"

Might be the way it is, doesn't make it right.

MrsMushroom Sat 24-Nov-12 00:02:37

I agree with Clipped that people who dress in an unusual way, are usually doing it to stand out from the crowd. If you choose to do that then you are risking attention that's unwanted at times...not that this is the right thing to do...people should not be so rude an negative to know that your mode of dress is attracting why keep on with it?

Once you have a family, you need to minimize the negative attention. Short of smacking the next cheeky sod who is rude about you....I can only suggest that you tone it down.

MurderOfGoths Sat 24-Nov-12 00:05:29

"Once you have a family, you need to minimize the negative attention."

Why once you have a family?

Also why give up something you like and which harms no one just because some random pillock stranger doesn't like it??

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 24-Nov-12 00:07:36

MurderOfGoths is nice on here and we all know that data is the plural of anecdote. I was nice too when I was a Goth. That's two data points. It's true that we didn't have the Police outside our dive either. This was Croydon though so the 'normals' were a bit scarier than the average.

FrenchRuby Sat 24-Nov-12 00:07:58

I don't do it for any sort of attention, I hardly ever go out, I'm quite boring really. I just like having bright hair, my kids like it too smile Actually I take it back, I do like the reaction from my dd and ds when I've done my hair a different colour because it's hilarious, my dd (18 months) looks a bit confused then laughs a lot and my ds (5) just says 'Wow!! Mummy you've got (whatever colour I've done it) hair!!' :D

CleansLate Sat 24-Nov-12 00:08:02

Well I think it's really rude to comment on someone's appearance in a negative way, especially when they are with their kids. My DS loved my blue hair, he thought I was a mermaid and he still remembers it. I would only comment on someone's piercings/tattoos/hair to compliment them.

Even if you're thinking 'wow that's not a good look', why say it.

WorraLiberty Sat 24-Nov-12 00:09:21

As for goths being nice/nasty. You'll always get nasty fuckers, in every area of life. However I think on the whole the alternative scene is nicer. I know that the alt pubs/clubs I went to rarely had fights, whereas a lot of the "normal" pubs clubs in the same towns needed a police presence at kicking out time.

Which alternative scene though?

I've seen it kick off in nightclubs and I've seen it kick off in the mosh pit at 'alternative' venues.

A twat is a twat is a twat.

No amount of hair dying/alternative clothing or natural looks changes that.

In other words you can't judge a book by its cover.

ClippedPhoenix Sat 24-Nov-12 00:12:18

That random stranger doesn't have to like it though.

If you don't conform to normality then you take the knocks with a pinch of salt, if you don't conform and not expect the knocks then there's something wrong with you.

I want to ride down the street on a horse with no clothes on and long hair like lady Gadiver (not sure of the spelling on that). Now, if i did, id expect comments, so really you need to suck it up or conform.

FrenchRuby Sat 24-Nov-12 00:12:23

Worral is right, I know some goths who are right knobs. But the alternative scene here is much more friendly than the more clubby places in town.

MrsMushroom Sat 24-Nov-12 00:13:33

murder for what it's worth, my hair was once pink and I lived a very alternative lifestyle.

It's not about me rebelling anymore though is it? Life I mean. It's about being happy, keeping my family safe and healthy and going against the grain doesn't seem important....not in a physical way anyway. I'd rather challenge the system in a less obvious way..

ClippedPhoenix Sat 24-Nov-12 00:14:20

If that's the case then feel secure in your choice, don't bang on that people don't accept you.

FrenchRuby Sat 24-Nov-12 00:14:57

Yeah I understand that people might not like my style, as I said I'm not bothered if people like it but I think it is out of order shouting at someone in the street and swearing, especially in front of that person's child)

tetleymel Sat 24-Nov-12 00:15:22

I had extremely bad acne on my face a few years ago. One woman nudged another on the bus and said "Look at the state of that" and they both talked about me so that I could easily hear. Another complete stranger (helpfully, in her mind) told me to change my washing powder, in case I was suffering an allergic reaction. Another man said my face looked like the filling of a pastie. This sort of thing happened a few times. I would wait until I was alone and cry my eyes out.

I didn't choose to look like that. You are, but I still think YANBU.

WorraLiberty Sat 24-Nov-12 00:15:38

Clipped whilst I can see what you're saying I disagree.

I disagree because in the OP's case, it wasn't a negative comment on her appearance (which unsolicited would have been rude enough)

But it was an insult shouted from a car window.

Why should she have to take that kind of abuse or conform?

It's the same as when vulgar idiots shout insults at fat people from car windows.

Should they lose weight (ie conform) or just expect the abuse hurled at them by strangers?

MurderOfGoths Sat 24-Nov-12 00:16:19

"Which alternative scene though?"

Sluff, Reading and Maidenhead's alternative pubs/clubs were always peaceful when I was there. Can't remember any fights from back then.

I agree with you about hair dye etc not stopping people being twats, it's just that in my experience there's a lower percentage of twats in the alt scene.

FrenchRuby Sat 24-Nov-12 00:16:21

It's not about me feeling unaccepted, not bothered at all about that, I just think it is not on to shout abuse at someone in the street.

BuddyTheChristmasElf Sat 24-Nov-12 00:16:46

"But the alternative scene here is much more friendly than the more clubby places in town"

yeah! but are the alternative places on the main clubby street in the centre of town? usually not, and I think you'll find that the conservative/non alternative & generally a bit smaller and more independant out of town venues are also much less likely to have trouble than the centre of town ones

WorraLiberty Sat 24-Nov-12 00:17:38

Am I the only one giggling at the irony of MurderOfGoths name on this thread or is it the wine? blush wine

FrenchRuby Sat 24-Nov-12 00:18:00

Worral that also happened to me last year, some guy shouted 'Go on a fucking diet' out his window at me while I was waiting for a bus. I cried on the bus sad

lisad123 Sat 24-Nov-12 00:18:10

No one should have to conform because of fear of upsetting others!! Terrible message to send to anyone, but especially young children.
If you don't look like everyone else you can expect to be abused by strangers and others in the street, yeah that's what I want my kids to know hmm

MurderOfGoths Sat 24-Nov-12 00:18:15

That random stranger doesn't have to like it though."

No one said they did.

But everyone has the right to go about their life without abuse.

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