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AIBU to not like my son at times>

(15 Posts)
RonnyJotten Fri 23-Nov-12 13:13:27

He is 19

he is so angry with the world

Sometimes I just think I got it all wrong because he is not happy?

He sounds aggresive when he talks about his situation (he is unemployed)

Sometimes I really don't like him....which is daft because I gave birth to him and if he says stuff and has an attitude I don't agree with, it's my fault because I brought him up,

I have guilt, because my son didn't get a job as a lawyer and volunteer for local charities.

I'm so angry with his attitude but have no idea how to change it, because in one sense I feel I created it

mrskeithrichards Fri 23-Nov-12 13:18:24

How many 19 year olds get a job as a lawyer? You kind of have to study for a bit.

AdoraJingleBells Fri 23-Nov-12 13:19:34

You didn't creat it all by yourself, so you can't take all the creditwink

Lots of teens are angry with the world. Why didn't he get a job, is it lack of qualifications, lack of jobs available, lack of trying on his part? He is an adult now so needs to start taking responsiblity for his choices, actions and behaviour, that can be a bit scary. You don't need to beat yourself up over this, I'm sure you did the best you could and no one can expect more than that.

ShamyFarrahCooper Fri 23-Nov-12 13:20:45

Why is he so angry at the world?

Not all children become lawyers & volunteers etc, it isn't a sign of failure on your part?

Why do you think you created his attitude? He is 19, at some point he has to shoulder responsibility for his own life.

RonnyJotten Fri 23-Nov-12 13:44:25

I think I created his attitude because I'm his mum.......perhaps I'm over estimating my own influence?

ClippedPhoenix Fri 23-Nov-12 13:46:21

A lot of things are "our" fault purely because we're "mum" grin

RonnyJotten Fri 23-Nov-12 15:29:39

this is true..........but I still get myself in bits sometmes by not liking him

RonnyJotten Fri 23-Nov-12 15:30:30

your ment to like them if your their mum no?

ClippedPhoenix Fri 23-Nov-12 15:39:11

Stop giving yourself such a hard time OP. I love my son but I don't always like him. I'ts a saying in our house now and both of us use it grin

I disliked a lot about my neice when she was that age, she used to alternate between being a whiney baby and rude madam. She's 22 now and fabulous.

jen127 Fri 23-Nov-12 15:41:28

As my MIL says about Dh ( her DS ) I always love him but I don't always like him!

whatsforyou Fri 23-Nov-12 15:44:40

No you're meant to love them, it's ok not to like them sometimes!

Is this sudden and out of character? Could he be a bit depressed by being out of work? Or is he just being a bit of an obnoxious, entitled git?

If it's the last one then unless you are encouraging or enabling this attitude now then it's not your fault, he is an adult and is able to make his own choices. I do think you are over estimating your influence smile

LucilleBluth Fri 23-Nov-12 15:49:02

I have three children........my eldest DS and I rub each other up the wrong way on a regular basis, I always always love him but sometimes I don't like him......we are close in lots of ways but my god can he wind me up smile the other two are so easy in comparison.

I think you have my eldest DS, I love him, but by god at times I cannot bear to look at him he can be so rude and offensive. Oh and by the way it can't be your fault as it is mine. yes EVERYTHING is ALWAYS my fault, I am the root of all evil, even when his Dad is the one to tell him off its STILL MY FAULT argggghhhh.

RonnyJotten Fri 23-Nov-12 17:12:58

step its hard isnt it

A complete nightmare at times, his brother is a dream compared to him, this makes it worse sometimes as I think how could I get it so right with one and so wrong with the other! he's 20 now and getting better, still goes off in one when things don't go his way, less often though. But its hard to like someone after we have had years of anger and abuse. perhaps he is finally maturing? hopeful

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