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To be shocked how children speak to adults at school

(50 Posts)
Jules666 Fri 23-Nov-12 09:30:27

I've just started working in a school as a lunchtime supervisor (like dinner lady but don't have anything to do with the food) looking after the children during the lunch hour in a Junior school and it's been a real eye opener.

They ignore you when you ask them to do something (or not to do something), argue back over little things like telling them to put their coats on as it's raining. Walk away from you when you're telling them off about something. They just have a total lack of respect.

Admittedly it's not everyone but it does seem like a general attitude towards the lunchtime staff. It's in a 'naice' area as well.

Is this normal? Does anyone else find this?

If my kids spoke to me that some of them their arses would't touch the floor!

Tincletoes Fri 23-Nov-12 11:31:32


Auberginestripes Fri 23-Nov-12 11:32:54

Threatening a child with being in trouble if they bully??? Jeez, get a backbone people. We are the adults here.

JenaiMathis Fri 23-Nov-12 11:36:01

Aubergine, are you Peggy Mitchell?

Oblomov Fri 23-Nov-12 11:39:57

I think Op's expereince is symptomatic of children these days. And our school is very strcit and hot on manners. But still the way I see children behave, and talk to people and talk about people. And when I see children at parties and just children everywhere, this is what I think this generation of children are like.

kim147 Fri 23-Nov-12 11:43:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Fri 23-Nov-12 11:43:24

Aubergine, you are very lucky that situation didn't blow up in your face!

I'm a frigging lioness too when it comes to my kids and I'd found out you'd dared to treat them like that there'd be hell to pay! Especially as you used your job at that school as the means to get your own back!

shock that you think that's acceptable behaviour!

Auberginestripes Fri 23-Nov-12 11:44:17

Ever heard of the expression 'it takes a village to raise a child'?

Behaviour at that school was dreadful. One child (who "didn't like being disciplined by women" I kid you not) had appalling tantrums in class (absolutely fine at home, just at school. Ran circles around the female staff) but staff weren't allowed to physically remove. They were only allowed to remove the other kids so my DC found several times on the monkey bars in the playground when they should have been in maths. As a member of staff, I went to the meeting where we were taught the restraint hold to use on them - but only to be used when you felt another child's life was in danger!!! This was a mainstream primary, it was so out of control. We had to take DC's out and put in the private system, was so ridiculous.

Auberginestripes Fri 23-Nov-12 11:53:17

Desperately, I would have no problem with another parent or teacher disciplining my children if they were being horrible bullies ....

kim147 Fri 23-Nov-12 11:56:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Startail Fri 23-Nov-12 11:57:33

No the DCs shouldn't speak to you like that.

Unfortunately, dinner supervisors start at -100% on the pupils and parents respect scales.

Honestly OP, did you like your dinner ladies, did you do a thing they said?

If you are going to enjoy the job you have to earn the pupils respect. you have to be firm, but unbelievably "fair".

Fair in the primary schools child's idea of fair.

In one sense that is very black and white, rules are rules and everyone must be treated according to them. In another it is way more complicated.

If you apply the rules without listening to the mitigating circumstances. They will moan about you for weeks.

In the end the parents will give up and say "oh for goodness sake shut up, Mrs X is only a dinner lady, don't bother about her."

Truly it's an incredibly difficult job, with very poor pay and often little back up from the HT.

I wish you good luck.

Auberginestripes Fri 23-Nov-12 12:03:30

I didn't shout, touch or threaten violence! I just used a different technique to ensure I had child's full attention. It worked.

Viviennemary Fri 23-Nov-12 12:03:38

I agree that the behaviour of some children is not good. Far too much choice is given at home. And then when the go to school they are shocked that they aren't in control and making all the decisions. Oh little DC is just so intelligent he/she questions everything and is really difficult and a nightmare at home. Said with a great amount of pride. Madness!!

1charlie1 Fri 23-Nov-12 12:24:12

I'm a bit surprised at the negative reaction to Aubergine's post. When I was in Yr 1 I was being 'dominated' by a very bossy little girl (not 'allowed' to have any other friends etc.), as well as being threatened by her older sister that I was only to play with her little sister (she was in Yr 5, but she seemed so big and terrifying to me!). I remember vividly how anxious and sad I felt. Mum did the 'right thing' and reported the same to my teacher, but nothing changed. So Mum came up to the school again, and this time intercepted the little girl and her big sister as they were coming in the school gate. I have no idea what was said, but I was never bothered by either of them again. My life reverted to happy normal. While their behaviour suggests that something a little odd may well have been going on in the homes of these two sisters, it's really not for bullies to be allowed to play out their psychodramas on either their peers or their teachers. Or their lunchroom supervisors! Whatever support bullies may otherwise require, I think a clear and unambiguous spelling out of consequences for unacceptable behaviour (such as, um, kicking a new classmate repeatedly) is sadly lacking in the life of some children today. Go tiger mums!
BTW, I know my post is irrelevant to the OP, sorry. FWIW, I ended up being invited to the 21st birthday party of the bossy little girl years later! I hadn't seen her for years...

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Fri 23-Nov-12 12:30:16

Charlie, there is a big difference with a Mum having a word with a child and a member of staff doing the same in a threatening way when they are then going to be watching over that child every day at school.

Auberginestripes Fri 23-Nov-12 12:36:34

Teachers 'threaten' kids every day, don't they? "If you don't desist from this behaviour, the consequence is you will be in trouble".

1charlie1 - your mum sounds fab

Groovee Fri 23-Nov-12 12:39:56

My son made a comment this week about some of his classmates and their lack od respect for the learning assistants in the school and how they ignore what they are asked to do or laugh when told off. These same children are from the parents who have been ignoring me since a playground incident a couple of weeks ago. People in glasshouses and all that.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Fri 23-Nov-12 12:43:37

Teachers shouldn't threaten 'trouble'. If they do, they are not doing their job very well. They can tell a child that the consequence of their behaviour will be that they will be sent to see the head, miss golden time or whatever, but giving a direct consequence of what will happen is very different to threatening trouble.

vigglewiggle Fri 23-Nov-12 12:46:53

I've been shocked by some of DDs friends whom we've had to play. Some have been lovely, normal children, but a couple of them stood out to me as rude and demanding. They would turn their nose up (literally) at food or drink offered to the, no please or thank you. They were bossy to DD's and even tried it with me shock. One insulted DD's appearance and when I told her it wasn't nice, she turned on me telling me I had "elf ears"! I do have more than a passing resemblance to Gary Lineker, but that's not the point!

My observations of these parents is not that they are overly harsh, so the child has become immune to discipline as suggested above - they are weak parents who are afraid to say no to their kids.

<Disclaimer - I disassociate myself completely from Aubergine's methods>

<wonders whether OP's kids' bums normally touch The floor wink>

Chandon Fri 23-Nov-12 12:58:47

Aubergine, you are way out of line!

You behaved like a complete psycho nutter freak.

Poor girl.

....just gobsmacked really

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza Fri 23-Nov-12 13:57:24

Well done, Aubergne, you taught her a really effective way of intimidating people weaker than you.

I'm sure she's putting it to good use.

idobelieveinfairies Fri 23-Nov-12 14:10:26

There are only a handful of children that act this way in the school i am at. I think there are probably a few in every school. They will be the same with the teachers though...they don't just save it for the lunchtime supervisors ;)

The teachers are fab and keep us well in the loop when it comes to certain children having a difficult morning, so we are pre-warned.

If they talk to me disrespectfully then i will ask them where their manners have gone and that i will reply to their requests when asked properly. We can keep children in so they miss their playtime/goldentime or whatever their punishment maybe for being rude. They know we will always have the backing of the teachers so they know not to mess ;).

Auberginestripes Fri 23-Nov-12 14:17:13

I really couldn't give a toss if I upset an obnoxious little madam for 10 seconds and shocked her into changing her behaviour. I meant to change her behaviour, was the point. It worked. Next!

Chandon Fri 23-Nov-12 17:12:03

It is nice to see someone workingwith children, who really likes kids.

You are so in the right job!



Heroine Fri 23-Nov-12 17:21:11

I think its cool that the kids treat support staff with contempt - its helpful for fitting in with public school types at yoni.

thebody Fri 23-Nov-12 17:24:12

I am a TA and have no discipline problems and neither do the lunch time supervisors or the teachers.

There was one TA who clearly disliked the job and kids and of course the kids Sussed this and played her up. The head got rid of her as she was useless.

If you genuinely like the kids, get to know them as people and actually talk to them in a respectful warm way then they reciprocate.

Autumn, I would have reported you if I had heard that bullying.

My mom did this in the playground to a bulky but that's totally different.

You were in a position of trust and care to this girl. Awful behaviour.

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