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AIBU?

to rant because this really upset me.

79 replies

SecretCervix · 22/11/2012 22:07

Completely can't believe what I saw earlier whilst sat in the bus stop, bloke came across with his 2 kids (primary school age) and says "wait here I will be back in 2 mins," then walks up to the off licence and came back with a can of lager, which he proceeded to drink on the bus. Whilst his two children ran unchecked around the bus. It really upset me to see how some people treat their children. If you can't wait till your kids are in bed before you crack out the alcohol, you have got a serious problem, if you do it on the bus out in public with your kids with you, you are sick in the head as far as I am concerned. Rant over.

This is basically a copy of what I just put on my FB status, I was so shocked (but I do live in an area where you see people passing your window swigging on a bottle of stella artois at 8 in the morning, but to do it when you are in charge of young children beggars belief!

I want to add that I am currently 4 months pregnant and a tad emotional and hormonal at the best of times, so I might be overreacting. I'm just so thankful for my DP as he would never ever consider doing that!

OP posts:

Report

Flojo1979 · 22/11/2012 22:12

YABU, whilst I don't drink myself, I don't see how having one can of lager on bus is such a big deal. The guy was probably thirsty and instead of getting a can of pop he got a beer. Was it 8am? Is there something u missed out? That might explain why u are judging other peoples parenting?

MrsCantSayAnything · 22/11/2012 22:15

Yabu. He's obviously not very.....naice..but he never swore or smacked them.

PelvicFloorClenchReminder · 22/11/2012 22:15

Um.. I don't think leaving primary aged children alone in a bus shelter and swigging lager on a bus whilst ignoring them counts as parenting.

Yanbu.

WorraLiberty · 22/11/2012 22:15

Being pregnant is no excuse for starting judgmental Facebook statuses.

You got a tiny little snippet of that family's life...that's really not enough to hoik the pants up imo.

SecretCervix · 22/11/2012 22:15

I should have added, this bloke didn't exactly sound sober to start with. No it was this afternoon.

OP posts:

southeastastra · 22/11/2012 22:17

it's not nice but it's what life in britain is like for alot of people

Tweasels · 22/11/2012 22:19

YANBU for being a bit . I'd have definitely raised an eyebrow.

But putting it as a Facebook status....get a life.

SecretCervix · 22/11/2012 22:19

Hey it is the snippet I saw and I don't agree with drinking alcohol whilst in charge of children, surely that in itself is not that bad? I know I have got my judgey pants well and truly hoiked, and I am sorry.

OP posts:

iismum · 22/11/2012 22:19

Wow, you think you have a serious problem if you have a drink before your children are in bed? I have no problem drinking in front of my children, as long as it's only moderate - it's a normal part of life. I probably wouldn't drink on the bus - but I would (occasionally) have a beer over lunch with the kids, and often have a glass of wine or gin in the evening before they're in bed.

Running round unchecked on the bus sounds like a problem, but I don't think the drinking per se is problematic if it was only one can, or that you 'are sick in the head' if you drink in public with your kids. YABU.

SecretCervix · 22/11/2012 22:20

I know, FB is the devil and well probably shouldn't have made it a status, but hey whats done is done.

OP posts:

SecretCervix · 22/11/2012 22:21

It was more the surroundings iismum

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pointythings · 22/11/2012 22:23

YANBU to think this was not good parenting, I certainly would not have done it.

YABVU to think people who drink when children are around have alcohol problems. DH and I drink alcohol in front of our DDs. We are never, ever drunk. We talk about binge drinking, health risks and peer pressure to them, and impress upon them that being drunk is socially not acceptable. Alcohol is not forbidden fruit, it is just another thing they will have to deal with as they grow up.

tanfastic · 22/11/2012 22:23

I drink in front of my child. Not on a bus though

AlbertoFrog · 22/11/2012 22:24

Where I live it's illegal to drink alcohol in public.

That really put paid to my posh picnics. Sigh.

Hasn't put off the hardened alkies though

WorraLiberty · 22/11/2012 22:24

Drinking a can of beer on a bus isn't something I'd do either with or without my children.

But to rant and get really upset because you saw someone else doing it or to state that anyone who drinks in front of their children has a 'serious problem' is just strange imo.

What about if you fancy the odd glass of wine one evening and your kids are say...11 or 12. Do you have to wait until they go to bed after 9pm or something?

Surely they'd grow up thinking alcohol was your dirty little secret...especially if they spotted the empty bottles in the bin but never saw you drinking ever?

missymoomoomee · 22/11/2012 22:28

Why put it on FB?

If you can't wait till your kids are in bed before you crack out the alcohol, you have got a serious problem

^ this is silly, I rarely drink but I do on the very odd occassion have a glass of wine bottle of blue wkd with a meal while sitting with my children. I don't have a problem. If someone I knew had that up on fb (although I'm not on it anymore anyway) it would seriously get my back up. You are judging everyone who has a drink, not just this guy.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 22/11/2012 22:32

It would have upset me too, but that's because my exH was an alcoholic who, if sent to the shop for bread or milk say, for his sons' breakfast, would by a can of lager and drink it in front of them
It's not the "having a drink near/in front of the children" as such, it's the other things that make up the "full picture" and the attitude/manner that makes something like that so sad and upsetting :(

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 22/11/2012 22:33

buy doh!

maddening · 22/11/2012 22:48

South - no it's not nice but it isn't right either - if he was drunk and leaving v young children unattended and then continuing to drink whilst not watching them properly on a bus then he is inviting judgement of society.

Fear of judgement is how society keeps itself in check - but there are lots of things where there are no hard set rules - more like a guideline against which you can judge yourself and your choices and actions - a majority of us strive to do what we feel is right even though others may feel differently we do have to respect differences where no hard set rules are broken - but it is a grey area.

This man can drink where he wants as long as it is legally permitted there and he behaves in a socially acceptable manner - doesn't bother anyone etc. But drinking in the street in the morning or early afternoon does attract a certain amount of judgement as generally it isn't deemed as a society norm.

But the presence of children does change society's expectation of him - this was not a man who sounds like he was drinking responsibly with his children. He was apparently drunk in town in the early afternoon while is sole care of to v young children which is not the right way to look after his children but at the same time in itself not illegal. It could be a red flag for more problems if this was a regular occurrence in that family and one would nbu to suspect more problems.

InNeedOfBrandy · 22/11/2012 22:51

Feel free to judge me I drink while my dc are awake, I even have a few ciders/glass of wine in th epark with a picnic while I'm in charge of my dc. YABU to write shitty fb statuses as well over a snippet of someone else's life that you don't even know.

maddening · 22/11/2012 22:54

Ps drinking with your children responsibly is not at all wrong - it is perfectly fine to do - and everyone will have their own limit - it is when that limit is overstretched and it starts to have a detrimental effect - e.g. when someone becomes drink dependant or a family of an alcoholic.

Having wine with a meal is socially acceptable and normal and not what the op is criticizing.

scottishmummy · 22/11/2012 22:54

christ alive has anyone said,you know not what strain he under
walk a mile in his moccassins,feel his troubles.yadayada
yes to me he out of order

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InNeedOfBrandy · 22/11/2012 22:56

I even go out for meals with my friend and our dc and get tipsy type pissed and catch the bus home with the dc.

cinnamonnut · 22/11/2012 22:57

YANBU

Iteotwawki · 22/11/2012 23:07

I don't think having a drink before the children are in bed is a problem - I will often have a glass of wine or cider with dinner, or a cider on a weekend afternoon at a picnic. I don't get drunk in front of them and I wouldn't drink alcohol at all if I was in sole charge, intending to drive anywhere or if DH wanted to instead (mostly he sticks to water though). The situation in which he was drinking sounds more of an issue.

If I'd seen that on the bus, my judgy pants would be so high I'd be able to use them as dental floss :)

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