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to let my five year old still sleep in my bed, or are the 'eyebrow raisers' BU?

(214 Posts)
mummytowillow Thu 22-Nov-12 21:16:55

There are just the two of us in our house, my daughter is five and loves sleeping in my bed.

She went through a stage where she went to sleep in my bed and stayed there all night. I've managed to get her to go to sleep in her bed, but by about 1am she's sneaked into my bed. Sometimes I notice, sometimes I just wake in the morning and she's there!

To be honest, I quite like it, were very close and rarely spend time away from each other apart from work and school. I have a king size bed so no space issues and she doesn't wriggle and sleeps all night.

BUT people who find this out raise their eyebrows and say its not normal?

My mum is very vocal about it, thinks it wrong, she'll get used to it, she's not a baby blah blah blah. I'm single, no boyfriends so that's not a problem, so who is being unreasonable, me, her or the 'eyebrow raisers'.

And if I need to get her out of the habit, how on earth do I do it. Its just easy to let her get in when its 1am, cold and I'm cosy and warm! wink

My 10 yo DS loves to come in bed with DH and me - he sleeps far better in bed with us and drops off a lot quicker.

I know loads of the raised eye brow gang but to be honest I am past caring. It works.....for us........

We all parent differently, there is no right or wrong. I cherish these times with my DS, and dont kid myself that when he is a teenager he will want to co-sleep and we wont want him to anyway.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney Mon 26-Nov-12 14:03:31

Posted a few pages back and am so glad to see that The Secret Society of Co-Sleepers is doing well!!

ophelia wonder where the sleep "counsellors" got their ideas from, certainly not 80% of the world where co sleeping is the norm, and def not from us on this thread. What a load of pants. I am certain that Ds and I both sleep better together, he feels safe and cosy and loved, and I don't have to do that one ear open all night mother thing, cos he's right there next to me.

I thnk it's part of a very westernised culture to force "independence" on children early, and part of the luxury of having bigger houses so kids have their own room, which on a global scale is pretty unusual really.

Anyway whenever Ds wants to cuddle up, he's welcome.

YouCanBe Mon 26-Nov-12 09:53:59

DD usually comes into our room between one and three and I either go sleep in her bed for a few hours with her then head back to my own bed, or she gets into our bed with DH and I go to sleep in her bed alone for the rest of the night.

I don't mind at all, DH and I have our time in bed together at the start of the night and/or in the mornings.

Dancergirl Sun 25-Nov-12 23:29:11

You're lucky! I wish my 5 year old came into my bed. Enjoy it while it lasts, she won't want to sleep there forever. You'll look back when she's a teenager and wondered what you worried about!

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Sun 25-Nov-12 23:24:46

My 8 yr old DS loves sleeping in our (well, my) bed and had done so for months until very recently. DH is stuck in the spare room because of his snoring. DS is back in his own bed again, but I have no qualms at all about his sleeping in my (er.. our) bed.

gimmecakeandcandy Sun 25-Nov-12 23:16:21

It is heartening to read so many positive replies grin
My ds (4) gets into my bed and my dd (3) has a double bed which she has just moved to but she comes to get me to go to her bed! It's lovely and nowt wrong with it.

BelleDameSousMistletoe Sun 25-Nov-12 22:50:17

5 year old DD currently slumped all over me in bed. As usual. I've stopped worrying about it!

EasilyBored Sun 25-Nov-12 22:46:16

I really want to like co-sleeping, and if DS wakes in the night and will not go back down, then I do take him to the spare room so I can trap him between me and the wall and he can't escape. But he just doesn't sleep well with others. I secretly hoping that once he gets a bit older, he will want to sleep with us sometimes.

TheOriginalNutcracker Sun 25-Nov-12 22:31:42

That's what I thought flow. I also raised an eyebrow when ds called me mummy at one session and it was quickly noted down.

bluebump Sun 25-Nov-12 21:50:51

I co sleep with my 4 year old DS but its just the two of us these days. He has asked for a new bed with a den underneath so whether this is the start of the end of him being in my bed remains to be seen. I'll enjoy it while it lasts regardless of the negative comments I receive.

discophile Sun 25-Nov-12 21:39:10

This is my favourite thread ever... Very reassuring to know it's not only me that is happy with, er, extended cosleeping. My son is nearly 9 and very often sneaks in to my bed in the middle of the night. It's lovely. Particularly in winter.

Haberdashery Sun 25-Nov-12 21:25:45

Ah, so nice to hear tales of grown up children who are still close to their mothers. I hope so much that my DD and me will be as close. I'm not at all close to my mother who was difficult to deal with for a child so I really hope that things are different in my life (because sometimes I really miss having a proper mother).

flow4 Sun 25-Nov-12 21:04:40

Hmmmm... hmm Wasn't 'allowed'? What happened to CAMHS' clearly stated commitment to being non-judgemental?!

TheOriginalNutcracker Sun 25-Nov-12 20:30:28

My ds (nearly 10) still comes into my bed sometimes. He got in last week to say good night and fell asleep smile

Camhs dissaproved though, and told ds that he wasn't allowed to sleep with me ever again hmm

I think that as a now and again thing, it's fine.

lovebunny Sun 25-Nov-12 20:25:44

ignore anyone who says you shouldn't.
snuggle in with your daughter. these are the best years of your life.
my 'snuggled' daughter is now 30, living round the corner with her husband and baby. we are in daily contact and miss each other if we don't speak.
she reminded me the other day that we had 'sorted for Es and whiz' on her hifi as our alarm, so she must have been 12 or 13 and still snuggling. i love her. you love your daughter. snuggle and let the world think whatever it likes!

marriedinwhite Sun 25-Nov-12 20:01:40

Funnily enough, when DH went away on Thursday, DD was a bit hmm about sleeping in the big bed now she's grown up and 14 and I felt a bit sad. The awful Noro virus kicked in on Friday at 5pm. She slunk in after 20 minutes in her bed and clung to me for most of the night, waking me at least every 30 minutes to say she wanted to die and asking for helpl. Last night she slept much better but still clung on a bit. Tonight she's going back to her bed.

DH has called and said he will sleep in the spare room until he's sure that all the germs are gone and I'm not infectious and about to go down with it shock.

flow4 Sun 25-Nov-12 19:48:26

I've found this smile

skyebluesapphire Sun 25-Nov-12 19:43:05

When XH left at Easter DD was quite upset and slept with me for a while. Then she went back to her own bed, but ended up back in mine again for the past few months...

I have got her back in to her own bed, as I do think that she should sleep there and also I hope to meet somebody at some point and don't want to kick her out when a new man appears as I feel she would be hurt by that...

So now she goes to sleep in her own bed every evening, but sometimes does get up and get in with me in the early hours and its not a problem..

I just wanted to comfort my child the best I could after her "daddy" walked out on her.

JugglingWithPossibilities Sun 25-Nov-12 19:32:39

Good call flow 4 !

I don't really know the proper way to go about getting a thread in classics but if I've anything at all to say to MNHQ I tend to report my own post - they seem very forgiving if this is not the proper protocol and always get back to me.

Actually I think the proper way could be to start a thread in "site stuff" or write them an email ?

But my way seems handy and works well enough for me !!

And YY - so many lovely and reassuring stories on here for folks to read if they're getting any "eyebrow raisers" smile

DowntonTrout Sun 25-Nov-12 10:13:50

Do you know, I wasted 5 years of my life having broken nights sleep. Trying to get my DCs to stay in their beds. I lost count of how many nights I laid on the floor in DDs room, holding her hand through the cot, exhausted, just praying for a few hours sleep.

There is such a stigma about getting children to stay in their beds and sleep through the night. I had 3 DCs and two of them were poor sleepers (1st was a doddle!) some nights it was like musical beds in our house, I never knew where I would wake up.

I wish I had known, and not felt such a failure, that all they wanted was to snuggle up with me. I could have saved us all so much stress and tiredness. Another night last night, where Dd came into our room, about 2 am and patted my face. I just sat up, let her climb in, and went back to sleep.

She is my last DC at home. I will let her as long as she wants to and I will treasure every minute of it.

flow4 Sat 24-Nov-12 23:31:32

(Just an aside... Does anyone know... How does a thread become a 'classic'? Co-sleeping is so stigmatised, especially with older children, but this thread is FULL of lovely stories from scores and scores of parents who do it. smile It might provide real help and reassurance to many parents in future, so it seems to me worth keeping smile )

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Sat 24-Nov-12 23:16:23

Mine are ds16 and dd13. Doesnt stop them sneaking into bed when DP is away. Its not BU. Theyre still my babies!

Many a night I go to bed and 'find' my ds (10) asleep there. As he is an octopus as well as a furnace, it is not unusual for me to give up and go to his bed instead. But he seems to sleep a heck of a lot better in my bed (and yes, it doesn't matter if my bed is a single, double or a sheet on the floor, he prefers my bed to his own) so I figure what the heck.

DumSpiroSpero Sat 24-Nov-12 22:24:36

As a side note, DP's aunt was still finding her DS was getting into bed next to her in the night up until 2 years ago and the boy is now 16

Years ago, before I had my DD, my parents had friends whose son used to sleep with his mum at the age of about 11 (dad worked nights). I remember having a conversation with my mum about it and thinking it was very odd and a bit creepy tbh. Wouldn't bat an eyelid at it now I have my own child!

Dd slept with me last night and DH got her room. Unfortunately she has taken to sleeping halfway down the bed recently and I kept waking up freezing as she was taking the duvet with her.

Whistlingwaves Sat 24-Nov-12 22:10:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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