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to think my husband should help out at home?

(40 Posts)
wewereherefirst Thu 22-Nov-12 11:25:54

My husband works a 4days working, 4 days off shift cycle, AIBU to expect him to muck in with the housework/shopping/cooking when he's on days off?

I wouldn't expect him to do it all, just maybe take the bins out when they need emptied, put some clothes away and tidy up instead of watching TV all the time.

wewereherefirst Thu 22-Nov-12 22:33:41

They don't come pre-prepared? Fucksticks. Do you think i can get a husband refund and find a fully house trained one?

I may do a 'marbles in the jar' reward system like DS1 has at school. If he fills the jar he gets a treat grin

henryscatoscar Thu 22-Nov-12 20:08:04

Has someone forgotten husbands/significant others don't just come out of a box they need dedicated training and reward system giving praise may help. A super nanny reward chart may be going too far. wink

Rudolphstolemycarrots Thu 22-Nov-12 20:02:10

Yep he should do half the jobs when off. You have to have some respite too.

wewereherefirst Thu 22-Nov-12 18:21:46

I'm really anal about present wrapping, but he used to do well as a single person, so I don't know what happened for it all to go wrong.

valiumredhead Thu 22-Nov-12 17:33:58

Did you say "Here, do half of these presents!?"

By God, he sounds a lazy arse!

The secret to a house trained partner is marry one that is already trained OR be prepared to see it right through and just not stand for it. Someone that sits there while their partner runs themselves ragged can't possibly love them in the way I expect to be loved.

wewereherefirst Thu 22-Nov-12 16:59:11

He watches TV and plays on his phone... He may entertain the baby for a little while sometimes too.

I think he may have read this thread as this afternoon he mopped the floor although I had swept it and took everything out then had to spend the rest of the time watching me wrap presents.

CelticPromise Thu 22-Nov-12 16:19:59

Hmmm can you train him with a whistle and treats? grin

Maybe a list of jobs for each day? No sitting down with the tv until he's checked it and done what's outstanding.

MrsMangoBiscuit Thu 22-Nov-12 16:03:05

Celtic, sadly it's a bit late for that. I am determined to get this one house trained though. Damned if I'm going to put up with this. He's perfectly capable at his job, remembering what needs to be done and managing deadlines, so he can bloody well learn to be a fully capable adult too! If that means training him like a dog, so be it. I think we're at the point where it's either that, counselling, or a good divorce lawyer. (ftr, he doesn't refuse to do his share, just conveniently forgets)

CailinDana Thu 22-Nov-12 14:34:20

What does he do on his days off?

CelticPromise Thu 22-Nov-12 14:28:27

MrsMango the foolproof way is to marry a house trained man. They do exist.

wewereherefirst Thu 22-Nov-12 14:24:09

He -rarely- will do it straight away, other times he will say I'll do it in a minute, but he works on railway time. angry

I emptied the bin, to the protest of 'I was going to do it this afternoon' but the bin was overflowing and DS2 was grabbing everything out of the bin. sad

valiumredhead Thu 22-Nov-12 13:23:13

What is his response if you say 'the bin needs emptying, please do it?'

wewereherefirst Thu 22-Nov-12 12:14:23

He may empty it, if its close to the bin day it may get emptied. It's currently been 3 days of repeatedly pushing the contents down into the bin.

valiumredhead Thu 22-Nov-12 12:05:30

I'd be more inclined to throw it back at him and say 'Why haven't you emptied the bin so the baby can't eat the contents?' and wait for his response.

valiumredhead Thu 22-Nov-12 12:04:12

X posted with you OP.

What happens if you don't step in and empty the bin at all?

valiumredhead Thu 22-Nov-12 12:02:24

And getting a cleaner because a husband is a lazy arse is NOT the solution imo.

valiumredhead Thu 22-Nov-12 12:01:47

mrsH where did I say she was being unreasonable to comment? confused

I completely agree he needs to do his fair share - but he isn't and 'nagging' hasn't worked so far. So I asked if he flat out refuses to help when she is specific - because for me that would be a deal breaker because I wouldn't want to be with anyone who wouldn't pull their weight.

wewereherefirst Thu 22-Nov-12 11:56:30

I don't work, but do have two lively and non sleeping DC's. He never really helped before, but he worked away for a while and did a strenuous shift working job before that so I didn't expect as much. His current job can still leave him shattered as its an emergency service so I don't mind when he's come off nights and is fucked and I wouldn't expect him to do stuff until he's rested up

He was a single father before we met and was capable of keeping a tidy house but he seems to think that as I'm at home all the time, its all down to me. I'm a very literal person so I do say 'take the bin out, now please' but he will still stuff things in until it overflows and i want to thwack him round the head with it or until I say 'I'll empty the fucking bin as the baby is trying to eat the contents' where he may say he'll do it.

Do cats work? He hates cats so maybe borrowing one may work grin

MrsHoarder Thu 22-Nov-12 11:56:24

valiumredhead the OP would NBU even if she didn't ever comment. There are 2 adults who should see that work needs doing. Its not helping, she is not is mother and shouldn't have to nag him to do chores.

Of course there is no actual solution if a reasonable and calm conversation has failed unless the household income will stand a cleaner.

maillotjaune Thu 22-Nov-12 11:51:15

When I went on maternity leave first time we talked about who would do what. Then changed when I went back to work.

We are flexible (so I don't normally do all the bin stuff the night before collection but would if DH was stuck with a toddler refusing to sleep, and although we usually do our own ironing he will do mine if I'm busy) but I suppose the point is that we discussed it. I don't know what yo suggest if your partner doesn't get that it is his responsibility although I like the cat idea. grin

Babybeargrylls Thu 22-Nov-12 11:48:44

completely agree with Shamey- it is just being responsible. I have never understood why a man can go out to work and then do NOTHING of use when he gets home. Fair enough in the olden days when men were down pits or in satanic mills etc and it was hard physical labour but my OH drives, sits in an office and drives home again. He may be 'tired' but a little housework would surely invigorate him and provide some physical exercise...

MrsMangoBiscuit Thu 22-Nov-12 11:45:54

Does anyone have a well trained cat I can borrow? grin

Chandon Thu 22-Nov-12 11:41:56

Yes being specific helps, but when I said this on another thread I was told that I am training my DH like a dog and I might as well LTB!

maillotjaune Thu 22-Nov-12 11:41:30

YANBU to expect him to do stuff. Talk to him but please don't say he should "help", as it isn't all "your" work to do in the first place.

Adults should take responsibility for contributing to the overall work involved in a household, for want if a better word.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief Thu 22-Nov-12 11:40:53

By the way, if anyone has an infallible way of getting their household-work-dodging-OH to pull their weight and stick to it, please let me know!

Teach the cat to piss on their pillow on your command

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