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to think she is being a spoilt brat or should we just go with it

(74 Posts)
slartybartfast Thu 22-Nov-12 08:16:41

dd (15) is organising for her and two friends to go on a night out, she is paying for this as a xmas treat, it was oriignally one local friend but now another friend Y who is roughly 5.5 miles away now is going too. dd is paying for all.
they will go to big town, 20 miles away.
we, or probably dh, will have to pick up in the evening. and bring home.
the furthest one away wants to be taken home, i say she can stay the night and easily get a bus to school next day, she refuses. she wants to be taken home.
now we will ahve to go 20 miles there -pick up, 20 miles home, but the brat less local girl Y wants anotehr 11 miles added to the journey.

i have suggsted perhaps dd goes with her original plan of just the one friend, or should we cowtow to demands of Y

now i know if she catches the bus at the same time to my dd, going in diffeernt directions, she can get to school on time, so that is not the issue.

she Never stays here, it is always my dd doing the running, as a history.

izzyishavingababyAGAIN Thu 22-Nov-12 10:32:07

Sorry I think someone who refers to a 15 year old as a "spoilt brat" because she can't/won't sleep out is too narrow minded to see there is probably a bigger picture.

The DD knew already the friend wouldn't sleep over when she issued the invitation and so did the OP.

My first thought is - poor girl I wonder what's up - not spoilt brat.

I and or DH pick and drop my teen (and friends) at all hours of the day and night and am prepared to expect a call whenever they do stay out - something to do with DC being a victim of abuse.

I have no doubt the OP has communicated her low opinion of this girl not sleeping over to her DD.

pigletmania Thu 22-Nov-12 10:37:09

YANBU at all, contact her arents to see f you can come to an arrangement. Like ters have saud there might be reasons why she des nt want to stay away from home. As a teen about 14 my IBS started t used to get worse when staying the night at others houses, I would be on the loo all night practically blush

izzyishavingababyAGAIN Thu 22-Nov-12 10:43:01

piglet and what if there is a reason? I wouldn't tell someone my DCs issues and OP knows already the girls parents don't drive.

If I was in this position, no doubt I'd bus it to venue and taxi home (if I didn't drive).

Kalisi Thu 22-Nov-12 11:15:30

They are hitting the town on a SCHOOL NIGHT?! shock faints dead away at the youth of today

slartybartfast Thu 22-Nov-12 11:18:49

A SCHOOL night, shock that is true, i just hope there are no exams the next day or soon after and also that the weather is ok for driving.

slartybartfast Thu 22-Nov-12 11:19:33

obviously if there are exams the next day it will ahve to be cancelled. blush i wonder if you can find out the date of proposed exams in jan.?

AlienRefluxLooksLikeSnow Thu 22-Nov-12 11:19:48

Sorry if this has been said, but you're calling a 15 YO girl a spoiled brat for wanting to go home?? On a school night?? Yes, YABU either do it, it's your daughters idea, or don't.

SallyBeth Thu 22-Nov-12 11:27:04

Is there a reason why they can't do this on a weekend? Maybe the sleeping over wouldn't be such an issue if they weren't getting up for school, with the girl having the stress of doing an unfamiliar bus journey to get herself to school on time. Planning a night out for a weekday seems very strange!

slartybartfast Thu 22-Nov-12 11:37:03

it is a concert and they never rarely seem to be weekends. strangely. at least not locally.

socharlotte Thu 22-Nov-12 12:42:53

I would do it.For your daughters sake.she has done a nice generous thing and you should support her

Ullena Thu 22-Nov-12 12:51:06

Take the child home, for flip's sake!

SantasHugandRollintheSnow Thu 22-Nov-12 12:59:24

Hang on, this isn't happening until January? It's not like this is being sprung on you and I seriously don't understand your resistance.

I know damn well my mum would never have let me even go to a concert around gcse exam periods, let alone sleep over. Maybe the girls mum is of the same thought but has compromised with her daughter in that if she can get a lift there and straight back she can go.

slartybartfast Thu 22-Nov-12 13:02:22

perhaps we shoudl cancel the whole thing altogther? when are the exams?

izzyishavingababyAGAIN Thu 22-Nov-12 13:04:54

Cancel whole thing over giving someone a lift home? There won't be exams in January and if they are some the next day all revision should be done anyway.

BeatTheClock Thu 22-Nov-12 13:05:08

I would just do it. There's probably more to this but nontheless I'd just do the lift. Btw I think your dd sounds a lovely friend for treating her pals to a night outsmile

slartybartfast Thu 22-Nov-12 13:06:48

phew a quick google shows no exams, at least not on schools website,
no and that would be the reason for cancelling btw and yes by dd is lovely lovely.

slartybartfast Thu 22-Nov-12 13:07:01


InNeedOfBrandy Thu 22-Nov-12 13:07:13

Um isn't it Alevels in Jan and GCSEs in summer?

slartybartfast Thu 22-Nov-12 13:09:11

they seem to take some gcses in jan, well they did 2012. confused i think

notnagging Thu 22-Nov-12 14:57:42

Op in your post this morning you didn't say her parents couldn't drive or that this isn't happening until January. Yes there are mock exams after Christmas but you have plenty of time to organise yourselves.

slartybartfast Thu 22-Nov-12 15:38:40

erm i did say her parents couldnt drive. and i didnt think the date actually mattered. but the tickets need to be obtained now.

IloveJudgeJudy Thu 22-Nov-12 16:14:37

There are definitely some gcse exams in January. DD has 2 hour English exam on Thursday, 10 Jan at 8.45.

ClownBikeInAVelodrome Fri 23-Nov-12 00:20:57

I was at Brixton Academy the night before my last A level exam.

I hate sleeping over places too, even in my 30s. I much prefer my own bed.

11 miles isn't really very far.

JeezyOrangePips Fri 23-Nov-12 07:15:46

Gosh, I live rurally, and my kids friends are fairly spread out. It wouldn't even occur to me to refuse to give a lift home after an event like that. If the plan was to pick the girls up, I would see it as my role to ensure they got back to where they needed to go, safely - as long as it was within reason. 5.5 miles away and back is definitely within reason.

I'm a bit perplexed that your automatic thought is 'spoilt brat'. It's fairly clear that you don't like her (based on your repeated use of the word 'brat'), and it's possible that this is colouring your judgement over what is a fairly minor journey.

Why not try spinning this on its head. Instead of focussing on what you see as a negative, realise how kind and generous of spirit your daughter is.

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