AIBU to be upset at altercation in Morrisons yesterday and still dwelling?(118 Posts)
My first AIBU, eek!
I popped into Morrisons yesterday with DD(3mths). Gave her a big feed in the car, then in we went. She was tired, we had been around town and she had been watching what was going on. Often she will fall asleep in the supermarket. But on this occasion I was halfway round (during which time she had been smiling and gurgling at me) when she decided to scream, which she does sometimes do when overtired. It is a horrible noise. I gave up on doing much in the way of shopping and decided to get just three things, then I realised she wasn't going to settle despite much shushing and talking to her so I decided to grab the one essential (canned dog food - Ddog(12) was having an operation right then, and vet had told me to buy a particular food to give him that night after the op, and for next few days.)
So far so boring, sorry. As DD was screaming and I was whizzing around desperately looking for the dog food, several people made kind smiles or said "oh dear" "is she hungry" etc etc, one chap was with a guy in a wheelchair and made some joke to me that his mate did that too sometimes. I was feeling stressed and harassed and desperate to get back to car to comfort DD or drive home when I knew she would sleep.
The this one woman started asking if DD was ok and should she get some help. I said she is fine thanks just tired but she said DD didn't look fine, I said honestly she is overtired and we are heading home soon. Grabbed my dogfood, went through self-scan (no queue, hurrah) and was relieved to be able to go, when the woman was suddenly there again asking whether DD was ok, am I sure he is ok (thought she was a boy for some reason), he cannot be just tired, he sounds like she has something seriously wrong with him. I said she was fine just tired, she again suggested she get help for me and that DD must be very ill and he does not look well at all, and was being quite aggressive, lots of people were watching, she was shaking her head and she said she needed to do something and I asked what she had in mind, she told me she knows a lot about babies and that I must pick her up. In my flustered state I eventually muttered something about her calling the police or social services if she has concerns, DD is fine, and just hurried out, beetroot red and fighting back tears.
The woman was just so pushy and I felt so upset, it's not like me, I am 37 years old and I felt so small and defensive, I keep dwelling on what happened and how I should have handled it better. I guess I could have gone home and got dog food later but we live out in the country so that wouldn't have been easy.
DD calmed from screaming to a grizzle when I left the supermarket, and I tried to soothe her but felt I needed to get away from the woman in case she started following me so put DD in the car, started engine and left - DD quietened as soon as we started moving and was asleep by the time we left the carpark! (I have a mirror thingy so I can see her). She was her usual happy self later on, ate and slept well last night etc etc.
So AIBU unreasonable to be upset still? And I suppose I am also wondering, WIBU to stay in shop when DD got upset, and what should I have told the woman?
Thanks for reading!
Oh dear, you poor sod! I get this every time we go to the supermarket (not the nasty woman yet, thankfully). Ds is 4 months and hates the supermarket, he's a very sleepy baby and the lights, noise, uncomfortableness of the trolley just get him all overstimuated and overtired. It takes me 2 hours to shop because I try to pick him up and calm him every 5 minutes. He's quite often asleep exhausted by the time we pay though! One day was eally bad and it felt like most people in the shop had a comment to make. Most were friendly, just either asking or telling me that he was hungry (nope) or tired (no shit)! One woman came over and said 'Call me interfering...' (I didn't) 'but that baby has tummy ache, see how his legs are going?'. I didn't say a word, I just nodded and smiled. Why do people think they know better than the mum?!
I bet everyone who was staring was thinking 'That poor woman (you), shall I say something to the annoying one'. That's what I'd be thinking, shall I jump in and tell her to bugger off, or can the mum hold her own. Try to let it go, everyone would be on your side, the woman was clearly an idiot. x
What an ordeal Mike, could you not do online shopping? Two hours of that hell sounds like torture!
I agree with Bupcakes here.
The woman's behaviour wasn't normal,I know having a baby screaming in a public place is stressful, but to still be upset about it today?
Forget it Op.
Forgot to say - I ordered 48 cans more dog food from Amazon last night in a panic after the incident! Online shopping rocks! How did our parents cope without it when we were little?!
Thanks everyone i feel like i have got it out of my system now and shall stop dwelling! Main thing is DD is ok.
The first thing I thought when reading the post was 'mentally ill'. Seriously, it does sound a bit beyond some nosy woman saying 'oh, I think your baby needs a feed' or 'maybe you should take her home, she sounds tired' or whatever. I would have found this woman's behaviour alarming and strange not just a bit OTT and interfering.
Hopefully, you will look back and laugh about this in few months (or maybe years!)
Years ago, I had a man shout at me 'DO SOMETHING! SHE'S CHOKING TO DEATH!!!' when my daughter had a screaming tantrum in the park.
MikeOxard - I LOVE your name.
OP the woman sounds bonkers. If she knows anything about babies she should've known that they scream from time to time.
This is an interesting thread as its the first time anyone has not kissed the ass of Bupcakes and has disagreed with what she says.
Cailin - I think online shopping would take longer. Plus it gets us out the house I have a 3yo dd fed up of being stuck in. She loves
getting treats for being a good girl the supermarket.
The woman was unreasonable however sometimes people's previous experiences affect how they see a certain situation. My DH's grandmother lost a baby at 11 months through some sort of illness. This meant that she became really genuinely concerned whenever she saw a distressed baby. She was hugely paranoid when my dd was a similar age and I can imagine her behaving as this woman did out of genuine care.
Took me ages to get your name Mike (I guessed it was something rude, but am slow on the uptake) - very funny!
Argh I can't believe I missed the name MikeOxard, I did think it was unusual but didn't "get" it until you said! Brilliant!
I am glad I didn't tell woman to fuck off just in case she was concerned due to some past tragedy. Still don't like how pushy she was and what she was implying.
I remember the old thread and remember it sounding odd. I wonder if my woman from yesterday is actually contacting SS etc and worried for DD's wellbeing. Silly cos she is fine!
Um, waves at BitetheTops
kissed the ass agreed with Bupcakes actually.
I think YABU. Your 3 month old baby was screaming, for an extended period, and this woman thought your child needed picking up. So your daughter was screaming for an extended period and you didn't pick her up? I think you were in the wrong and this woman was right to show concern, even if she did it in a bad/clumsy way.
Worldgonecrazy I disagree. If I could go against my instinct and leave ds to cry in his trolley seat, he would cry for longer at a time, but would probably fall asleep sooner than he can when I pick him up every 5 minutes. But I can't stand to, even though arguably, that might be the better thing to do. I don't think there's a black and white right or wrong thing to do in this situation really, you just do your best as a parent, and the OP did fine imo.
Icegems I didn't realise that was the convention around here. <Puckers up for Bupcakes' arse>
I guess a lot of people feel love for Bupcakes
and her ass
World are you that woman! I am sure any normal parent will sympathise. The op needed to do shopping, she was whiz zing ound the supermarket what the hell could she do, she knew the baby was tired and needed sleep hence her hurry to get round tree and get home. Th woman's behaviour was cause for concern, she was practically harassing the op, it was nt just one or two comments, she kept on and on, not right
Not picking on her. She's funny, hilarious in fact. Just people don't usually disagree with her.
As for the OP people are often like that with babies and children, they have opinions on everything, try to ignore anything that's not helpful to you.
Until they are teenagers then you would take advice from anyone as they are hard to figure out
I couldn't give a shit if no-one agrees with me or not. And you obviously don't know me THAT well if you think that this is the first thread that no-one agrees with me on.
I stand by my opinion that it sounds like this woman has MH issues. I understand that there is a huge swathe of posters who simply enjoy thinking that the world is full of old bags/people out to get them but if you stop and think of the alternative explanation...
Ugh! I'm not sure I would have managed to deal with the interfering lady any better than you louisdog! Sounds like a horrible experience!
Hope you remember what the lady looks like so if you ever bump into her in the future you can hide
Definitely ignore anyway, I'm sure you know your dd better than a total stranger who "knows a lot about babies" yet can't tell the sex lol!
I think you were very polite, she would have got short shrift from me. I had a horrid incident in our Morrisons the other day, I am starting to hate the place. I'd gone in with my son to get one or two items and was walking through at a steady pace when an older man with a stick rammed his trolley into my back and then at full volume accused me of bashing into him. I just stood looking at him flabbergasted while he lambasted me to all and sundry. I was just so gobsmacked and my little grey cells weren't up to speed. He then told me to'go away' and said I don't know what it is like to be disabled. All I could do was tell him that actually I cared for my disabled father and he didn't have anything like the horrid personality of him. I was so upset I left the shop straight away.
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