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To tell this woman to f off and buy her own dress?

(432 Posts)
charlmarascoxo Tue 20-Nov-12 21:29:39

I've worked with the same women "Wendy" for around 3 years now, and I am the same age as her daughter "Amelia".

Today Wendy asks me as if it would be possible for me to bring in my wedding dress to work for Amelia to borrow for her wedding. She explained that they were both struggling financially and that Wendy herself was in debt.

My DH has a good job and earns well and we were able to afford to have a lovely wedding and I was able to afford the dress that I wanted. Neither Wendy or Amelia were invited to the wedding, however I have been told by Wendy that they were both looking at the wedding photos on Facebook and how Amelia would love to have the same dress.

I am being a bitch if I refuse? My dress is so special to me and I don't want just anyone wearing it.

Floggingmolly Tue 20-Nov-12 21:45:58

To those who say you don't lend a wedding dress.
When I was getting married a colleague was determined to lend me (unasked) her wedding dress, which was emerald green velvet.
It took all of my diplomacy to refuse, and she was still a bit miffed in the end.
Some people don't have that sort of emotional attachment to their dresses; I gave mine to the charity shop. I never intended to use it again, what else would I do with it?

mamij Tue 20-Nov-12 21:46:05

I would say no, especially if you're not that friendly with your colleague, let alone lending it to her daughter.

If you don't want to keep the dress and have no other uses, I would sell it to them. But I wouldn't lend it as I'd be worried about it not coming back in perfect condition.

And what's this stalking you on fb business?

amarylisnightandday Tue 20-Nov-12 21:47:05

Yanbu wedding dresses are really personal and special. Say no and don't feel guilty

Tryharder Tue 20-Nov-12 21:47:17

Can't believe how meanspirited some of you are sounding on this thread.

Bully for you that you have a high earning DH and could afford a lovely wedding and expensive dress hmm

I would happily lend my wedding dress with a smile and good grace with the promise that it would be returned to me in good condition and dry cleaned. It's just stuck in a cupboard now, presumably?

MrsBungleBear Tue 20-Nov-12 21:47:23

No YANBU. What if it got ripped/stained etc?

My DM lent my veil to my uncles fiance for their wedding (now his ex wife). I never got the veil back. Might not seem a big deal to some people but I have a DD now and I would love to show it to her sad

ShipwreckedAndComatose Tue 20-Nov-12 21:47:34

It would be a lovely thing to do for someone given the dress will never be worn again.

But it's your dress to decide

Narked Tue 20-Nov-12 21:48:13

Ok. Let's remove the word 'wedding' here.

Your colleague asked you out of the blue if you'd bring in your ££££ dress - that she's seen you wearing in pictures on your Facebook page - for her adult daughter to wear. Because she likes it but doesn't want to spend the money buying one.


charlmarascoxo Tue 20-Nov-12 21:48:42

The conversation pretty much went like this -

Amelia came over to mine yesterday and I showed her your wedding photos to give her ideas, and she really loved your dress. We tried to a similar one on Ebay and we were both quite shocked at the price of a second hand dress, so I thought I'd ask if it was possible for you to perhaps lend her your wedding dress because she's trying to keep the cost of the wedding down and I'm trying to help as best I can but I'm struggling financially at the moment

Cue my shocked face and a lot of erm ....

BitOutOfPractice Tue 20-Nov-12 21:49:21

If I ever get amrried again I fancy a dress like Kate Middleton's. I think I might drop her a line. After all I sort of know her from the column of shame in the Daily Mail the media

marchwillsoonbehere Tue 20-Nov-12 21:49:24

And what's this stalking you on fb business?

I think that's just the baying MN bitches hounds Mamij. OP didn't say she was being stalked (and in fact later said she and Wendy were friends on FB) but a few of the more hysterical sisters here picked it up and ran with it!

Narked Tue 20-Nov-12 21:49:42

And when the dress doesn't come back?

MrsBucketxx Tue 20-Nov-12 21:50:38

my dh is well paid yes, but my dress cost 180 pound and was made by my dm no way on earth would i lend it to anyone.

its very special to me.

ihearsounds Tue 20-Nov-12 21:50:43

Still don't understand why she had to show Amelia your fb pics when google would have spewed up millions of wedding dress pics.

charlmarascoxo Tue 20-Nov-12 21:51:56

"Bully for you that you have a high earning DH and could afford a lovely wedding and expensive dress"

I'm not trying to show off or anything or think that I'm above anyone. Its just a fact, my OH has worked his way up the career ladder and its thankfully paid off well for him. He got the right job at the right time.

It doesn't mean we live in a house made of diamonds and ride unicorns. It just means we were able to afford the wedding we wanted without falling into debt.

Cabrinha Tue 20-Nov-12 21:51:58

Greensleeves, I hear you!
MrsBucketxx, I think you're right it's important to a lot of people but not everyone - at least 3 on this thread don't think it's a big deal. So it's fair enough to ask! Would only be rude to expect - but not to ask.

marchwillsoonbehere Tue 20-Nov-12 21:52:25


Bully for you that you have a high earning DH and could afford a lovely wedding and expensive dress

My nuts in a thoughtshell!

Fakebook Tue 20-Nov-12 21:52:40

grin grin grin

Everythingwillbeok Tue 20-Nov-12 21:52:50

This is well over stepping the mark,totally bare faced cheek tell her you have paid to have it cleaned and it's all wrapped up in plastic and your not going through all that again...if she says they will just say no your ok thanks.

FoxSake Tue 20-Nov-12 21:52:52

I'm guessing it was an expensive dress if it's still expensive on eBay, you wouldn't lend your car or your expensive jewellery to a colleague, hell I wouldn't lend them my iPad or mobile. I wouldn't lend them anything that could not easily be replaced as well as the fact that it's very personal.

nilbyname Tue 20-Nov-12 21:53:17

how much was your dress?
I would say no. Too tricky.

Narked Tue 20-Nov-12 21:53:44

Would you ask someone to borrow their eg diamond necklace because your DD saw it and really wanted to wear it but couldn't really afford to?

marchwillsoonbehere Tue 20-Nov-12 21:54:10

I'm not trying to show off or anything or think that I'm above anyone.

Maybe you're NOT trying to show off but you seem to be making a jolly good fist of it just the same!

whois Tue 20-Nov-12 21:54:27

That's really odd to ask! Massive FB stalkers...

Say no. YANBU.

Narked Tue 20-Nov-12 21:54:33

X post FoxSake

charlmarascoxo Tue 20-Nov-12 21:54:38

Re the stalking comment.

I'm definitely not getting stalked on Facebook and have no problem with them looking at my photos on there. Because surely people upload photos onto fb for people to see?

I am friends with Wendy on there. I also only accept friend requests off people I know and as far as I know my profile is pretty secure. But thats not even the issue here.

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