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To tell this woman to f off and buy her own dress?

(432 Posts)
charlmarascoxo Tue 20-Nov-12 21:29:39

I've worked with the same women "Wendy" for around 3 years now, and I am the same age as her daughter "Amelia".

Today Wendy asks me as if it would be possible for me to bring in my wedding dress to work for Amelia to borrow for her wedding. She explained that they were both struggling financially and that Wendy herself was in debt.

My DH has a good job and earns well and we were able to afford to have a lovely wedding and I was able to afford the dress that I wanted. Neither Wendy or Amelia were invited to the wedding, however I have been told by Wendy that they were both looking at the wedding photos on Facebook and how Amelia would love to have the same dress.

I am being a bitch if I refuse? My dress is so special to me and I don't want just anyone wearing it.

ImperialStateKnickers Tue 20-Nov-12 21:37:47

Its not unreasonable for her to ask if they're genuinely struggling, although I don't think I'd ask a work colleague who I hardly know! But neither is it unreasonable for you to answer no, and you don't have to give any reason why. By all means tell her the honest truth if you feel it would help your longterm working relationship, that it would make you unhappy if you lent it to anyone.

coldcupoftea Tue 20-Nov-12 21:37:52

Tell her you are planning to use it to make DC's christening gowns? That's the traditional use anyway.

Then again, just say no!

MrsBeep Tue 20-Nov-12 21:37:54

They can look in charity shops and on ebay if they want to get a cheap wedding dress, and then perhaps ask a friend of a friend or someone they know to alter it. How odd they should ask you to borrow your dress.

OP - did she say something like "You can say no if you like, I do understand it's your dress." because if she didn't then she's a cow!

expatinscotland Tue 20-Nov-12 21:38:45

YANBU. Just tell her, 'No, that doesn't work for me.' Repeat/replay till she gets the message.

hurricanewyn Tue 20-Nov-12 21:39:23

I'd let her have it. I'd ask for it dry cleaned on return & no alterations be done - but mine is just sitting in my wardrobe at the mo, being useless.

Don't feel like I can just chuck it, but don't really know what to do with it.

OddBoots Tue 20-Nov-12 21:39:26

You are perfectly reasonable to say no.

Inertia Tue 20-Nov-12 21:39:41

Just tell her that you're too emotionally attached to the dress to lend it out.

Greensleeves Tue 20-Nov-12 21:39:48

I'd lend it to her. It's only a dress. Why not get some use out of it?

ihearsounds Tue 20-Nov-12 21:40:29

Plus if they are genuinely struggling what would they hadn't been able to stalk you on FB? Struggle like the rest of us, save up and have a wedding within our means.

Beamur Tue 20-Nov-12 21:40:51

I can see both sides really.
I think it's a bit cheeky to ask, but if you don't ask you don't get!
If the dress is special to you, I'd be wary of lending it to someone you don't know - she might take good care of it, but there again she might not.
Your lending the dress might really make a special difference for their wedding, but equally - if you don't have a lot of money then you need to live within your means.
I don't think you would be a bitch to refuse.

SlightlySuperiorPeasant Tue 20-Nov-12 21:41:15

YANBU, I can't believe she even asked!

YABU to have lax privacy settings on your FB account though.

Viviennemary Tue 20-Nov-12 21:41:18

YANBU. How rude of them to even ask. Don't lend it if you don't want to.

charlmarascoxo Tue 20-Nov-12 21:41:27

Apparently she asked because she thinks we're the same size and they have looked on ebay and saw similar dresses but thought they were still a tad expensive so she thought she would ask me first as it would keep costs down.

BupcakesAndCunting Tue 20-Nov-12 21:41:34

Tell Wendy to tell her daughter to grow up and have a wedding when she can sodding well afford one.

FoxSake Tue 20-Nov-12 21:41:57

YANBU at all. What did you say, my dress is for my dds to do with what they please.

charlmarascoxo Tue 20-Nov-12 21:42:26

SlightlySuperiorPeasant I'm friends with the work colleague on Facebook thats how her daughter saw the photos.

Panzee Tue 20-Nov-12 21:42:27

I really think that some people take the "don't ask, don't get" saying too far.

mamamibbo Tue 20-Nov-12 21:42:38

thats odd ! i bought mine from a charity shop for £10 and had a few alterations (about a fiver i think) i loved it

Corygal Tue 20-Nov-12 21:42:52

Blimey. Even Ned Flanders wouldn't go for that.

Decline politely. If you're really feeling generous, given that they are struggling, you might want to offer a bottle of champagne for congratulations.

picnicbasketcase Tue 20-Nov-12 21:43:04

No way on earth. Tell her to look into renting one.

Greensleeves Tue 20-Nov-12 21:43:17

WHY is it rude to ask? It's a dress! OP isn't using it confused

MrsBucketxx Tue 20-Nov-12 21:44:43

greensleeves you dont get the importance of a wedding dress to most women.

DontmindifIdo Tue 20-Nov-12 21:44:47

tell "wendy" that you have had a look at it tonight and you had forgotten in your drunken haze that it was ripped and had red wine dropped on it so it's not fit for use by anyone, and that actually thinking about it, you'd rather not give it away anyway. Could you suggest she looks at

Cabrinha Tue 20-Nov-12 21:45:52

Why are people calling Wendy a "stalker"? Presumably the OP is fb friends with her.
As long as she asked politely, and is gracious about a refusal, where's the harm in asking?
I'd lend mine. It's just an over priced dress. Mine is part of my daughter's dressing up box.
I don't think YABU not to want to lend it - but she's not U for asking.
Incidentally, cost to dry clean it for you probably more than buying one on eBay secondhand. Mine never got cleaned!

ENormaSnob Tue 20-Nov-12 21:45:55


That is cheeky as fuck.

I would definitely say no.

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