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To tell this woman to f off and buy her own dress?

(432 Posts)
charlmarascoxo Tue 20-Nov-12 21:29:39

I've worked with the same women "Wendy" for around 3 years now, and I am the same age as her daughter "Amelia".

Today Wendy asks me as if it would be possible for me to bring in my wedding dress to work for Amelia to borrow for her wedding. She explained that they were both struggling financially and that Wendy herself was in debt.

My DH has a good job and earns well and we were able to afford to have a lovely wedding and I was able to afford the dress that I wanted. Neither Wendy or Amelia were invited to the wedding, however I have been told by Wendy that they were both looking at the wedding photos on Facebook and how Amelia would love to have the same dress.

I am being a bitch if I refuse? My dress is so special to me and I don't want just anyone wearing it.

ClownBikeInAVelodrome Tue 20-Nov-12 21:31:20

You are SO not being unreasonable!!!

Panzee Tue 20-Nov-12 21:31:42

Tell her it's ripped?

AmandaLF Tue 20-Nov-12 21:32:01

I wouldn't say that you're being a bitch. Just say no. Failing that, tell her that you've already promised to sell it to someone do its no longer yours.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe Tue 20-Nov-12 21:32:12


How very odd for someone you don't know 'well' to ask this.

Don't think I'd lend my dress out tbh even to someone I know. I'd rather help them rent one or something

<not that I think I'll ever fit in it again>

EnglishGirlApproximately Tue 20-Nov-12 21:32:16

shock You just don't ask to borrow a wedding dress. Surely that's not normal behaviour from a colleague? Yanbu

moulesvinrouge Tue 20-Nov-12 21:33:05

Worth thinking through if you would be upset if she ruined it - there's your answer! V cheeky request, but if you don't ask....

lisad123 Tue 20-Nov-12 21:33:08

Tell her no, say you are saving it for DDs, neieces, cousins anyone.
You can get a good second hand dress fairly cheap.
Why your there tell her she's a cheeky cow!

SantaisBarredfromhavingStella Tue 20-Nov-12 21:33:12

No YANBU, is a bit rubbish of her to put you in this position tbh.

frootshoots Tue 20-Nov-12 21:33:12

No shock the bloody cheek of it! I would never dream, financial issues or not, of asking to wear someone else's dress! Maybe she should postpone the wedding as they don't sound in the best of situations to be getting married.

TraineeBabyCatcher Tue 20-Nov-12 21:33:16

Not at all. I can't believe she's even asked! Unfortunately tight budgets mean less choice- ie eBay/charity shop etc, not mothers colleagues dress that you quite fancy, would be free, probably cost her a lot, means a lot to her.

FourEyesGood Tue 20-Nov-12 21:33:39

YANBU. Can't believe no-one has brought out the old "No is a complete sentence" chestnut yet!

LemonBreeland Tue 20-Nov-12 21:34:13

Absolutely not. You don't 'ask' for someones wedding dress! shock

Sometimes someone in a family or friend situation may offer a dress, but you never ask. Unbelievably rude.

Flisspaps Tue 20-Nov-12 21:34:51

I would probably give her the dress.

If I hadn't already given it to the charity shop.

But if you don't want to, for whatever reason, then that's entirely right and fine for you to tell her to fuck off.

PurpleGentian Tue 20-Nov-12 21:34:57


I'd consider it odd for anyone, no matter how close, to ask if they could borrow my wedding dress.

MammaTJ Tue 20-Nov-12 21:34:59

Suggest she looks on ebay, you can buy quite reasonable ones on there.

ElectricMonk Tue 20-Nov-12 21:35:14

You're not being a bitch, and it was inappropriate of the woman to ask. However... Do you have/might you ever have DDs who could want to wear it? Do you ever get it out and look at it? Are you planning on having it framed? Are you planning on having any more photos of yourself taken in it? Do you really value it as a reminder, given that your wedding photos probably serve that role?

If the answer to all of those questions is no, why not offer to sell it for a fair price and see if she's happy with that? Or, if you're feeling particularly kind, offer to lend it as long as she's prepared to pay for any cleaning/repairs (only if it really wouldn't make any difference to you if the dress was damaged).

Most people end up throwing away/selling/forgetting all about their wedding dresses in the end anyway, so if you could potentially do some good with it while scoring some brownie-points at work then it could be beneficial all round.

lessemin Tue 20-Nov-12 21:35:21

I think it must have taken a lot to ask you. If it was me I would lend it as long as she had it dry cleaned after the wedding.

Not everyone is lucky enough to have a DH with a good job.

flossy101 Tue 20-Nov-12 21:36:19

Oh my god! What an odd request! How cheeky!


McTagster Tue 20-Nov-12 21:36:20

Yanbu. You could tell her it has a big red wine stain on it that won't come out.

ihearsounds Tue 20-Nov-12 21:36:45

No. There's cheap ones around - charity shops even Littlewoods outlet on ebay have one for £60 (have others as well for under £100)

MrsBucketxx Tue 20-Nov-12 21:37:23

someone "borrowed" my moms and she never got it back.

i would tell her no, you dont need to give a reason, just no will do.

Fakebook Tue 20-Nov-12 21:37:33

They're stalking you in fb and looking at your dress! Tell them you sold it. Yanbu.

marchwillsoonbehere Tue 20-Nov-12 21:37:34

I don't think you're being remotely unreasonable to say no, and as a matter of fact I think she has a bit of a brass neck asking seeing as you're obviously not close friends, but.....

There is something very superior and 'get lost oik' and 'I'm alright Jack' in the tone of what your post that makes me think that YABU anyway.

Probably just me...

SpicyPear Tue 20-Nov-12 21:37:41

YANBU. How strange!

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