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Over my DS?

(15 Posts)
MyLittleMiracles Tue 20-Nov-12 19:40:47

Well my DS was taken into care at the end of august. I am very happy with his foster carer, but not his social worker as i feel a lot of information i should be receiving i am not. He was taken to the doctors a few weeks ago with a bladder infection and put on anti biotics on the wednesday, i spoke to the social worker on the thursday and nothing was mentioned about this but the foster carer told me this is what had happened on the friday after contact, i was not happy about this but i let it go as i thought maybe it had been an oversight but got my solicitor to email them.

So monday the foster carer tells me he has been put on vitamins, in particular iron <i suffer iron dificency anaemia> Again, not happy the social worker hadnt informed me, and today i got informed that he has speech and language therapy on thursday, again by the foster carer, and i had assumed i would be allowed to attend these sessions with him, as i was told medical appointments i would be allowed to.

Whilst i am so grateful to his foster carer for keeping me up to date, i feel like his social worker isnt doing her job properly, my solicitor's legal secretary has taken the details to pass on to my solicitor who will be writing a letter, but i feel like they are pushing me out of his care all together, and whilst i would not have denied him medical care i thought they were supposed to check with me before giving him medication or at the very least inform me of this?? My solicitors legal secretary said i should be being informed of all the little details of his care and that this isnt acceptable.

So AIBU to be very upset and to be getting my solicitor to write to social services etc in a hope this stops as it has not been the first instance? I understand they are very busy, but this just feels like i am no longer an important part of my son's life

Floggingmolly Tue 20-Nov-12 20:14:10

Why was he then into care? It could be a factor in how far they'll allow you to make decisions regarding your ds's welfare.

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 20-Nov-12 20:20:02

They should be informing you.

MyLittleMiracles Tue 20-Nov-12 20:23:45

Its not that i want to take the decisions out of there hands its that I AM NOT BEING TOLD what they are even doing which as i still have parental responsibility for him

lisad123 Tue 20-Nov-12 20:26:14

But they can't phone every family of every child in care for every little thing!
I would suggest a home/fc book to keep you updated ect. It could be the sw didn't know, was out on holiday.

MyLittleMiracles Tue 20-Nov-12 20:36:18

He was rushed to the doctors as an emergency appointment, and the speech therapy social services have organised and i was told i would be allowed to go. I had with the doctors spoken to the social worker on the thursday and nothing had been mentioned. And i would say my little boy being put on medication was not a little thing at all, and his speech therapy isnt little either really. His foster carer does keep me updated, i should add the social worker hasnt contacted me in weeks its been me contacting her,

porridgewithalmondmilk Tue 20-Nov-12 20:42:03

It's a tricky one. I can completely understand "where you are coming from" as they say but I can't help but think that perhaps it's more sensible and probably a lot better from your point of view if the foster carer continues to update you, given she presumably sees much more of your DS and can provide a more personal dialogue.

This will sound horrible, and I promise I do not mean it to, but I do feel the trend of referring to cases as 'clients' has tilted the role of social workers slightly - she or he is not there to keep you happy but to ensure the wellbeing of your DS. Arguably that involved including you but as others have identified that does depend on why he was taken into care in the first place. I think it's generally better to work with rather than against - I'm not a social worker but I work in education and I do get parents ringing and I can't always get back to them straightaway I'm afraid so I do have some sympathy for the SW there.

freddiefrog Tue 20-Nov-12 20:50:18

I see where you are coming from too, but as a foster carer myself, being updated by the FC is probably the best way of doing it.

When I take my FC to contact, I pass on anything they need to know - dr's appointments, dental treatment, exams, etc, it makes more sense for it to come straight from me, than through several parties (we have a social worker, FC has a social worker, etc).

Also, for general repeat appointments (non emergency) my (and FC's sw) will only hear about them when I do the KDAs each month

MyLittleMiracles Tue 20-Nov-12 20:58:44

His speech therapy is an assessment though.

Is this normal then? Should i not have been phoned for the emergency appointment though?

Also a foster carer and I'm glad you have a good relationship with her.

Obviously I know lots of social workers and while it would be great and good practise for them to include you the reality is that they can have up to 40 families to liaise with, endless time commitments they have no control over - honestly, I hate to say this bit you need to pick your battles - they really can't contact you 3/4/5 times in a week when something changes, there just isn't the hours in the day.

I really have every sympathy with you and I'm sorry it's so hard.

MyLittleMiracles Tue 20-Nov-12 21:05:33

The thing is the social worker hasnt contacted me since september herself, i have contacted her on a couple of occasions but thats all the sort of input i have.

Mimstar Tue 20-Nov-12 21:10:35

Why was your DS taken into care? I'm sorry, it must be incredibly hard for you. Not good enough, is it?

freddiefrog Tue 20-Nov-12 21:28:26

Is it a care order or section 20?

I would have thought they would let you know in case of emergencies, but I think by the time it's been passed from me to my sw to FC's sw to parent, I've probably done a contact run and passed it on, if you see what I mean

MyLittleMiracles Tue 20-Nov-12 21:36:50

Its a interim care order. dont think that makes too much difference to my entitlement to know, more what they can over rule me on

helpyourself Tue 20-Nov-12 21:47:31

Whatever the rights and wrongs it sounds as though you have a good relationship with the foster carer. I'd concentrate on that and not alienate the SW.

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