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yet another Christmas Day family dilemma - sorry

(37 Posts)
Justforlaughs Tue 20-Nov-12 15:10:01

For the last few years we have had a really good arrangement for Christmas. My ILs arrive for breakfast (yes, breakfast!!) at about 8.30, stay until after lunch and then my family (sometimes just my parents, maybe the odd sibling/ cousin in tow) arrive for late afternoon and stay for a buffet tea/ supper and go home at about 9pm. Suits everyone. This year however, my siblings are all going to be home for Christmas (live around the world) for the first time in quite a few years. I woul dlike to invite them to mine for lunch for various reasons, I can't deny that I would LIKE them to come to mine but my main reason is that my mother is getting older and i think it will be too much for her to host 13 people, and I'd rather she was sitting down and enjoying time with her grandchildren (who she hardly ever sees) than running round after everyone and struggling with cooking Christmas lunch on a small cooker. We could then invite my ILs round for breakfast (stay until 12ish) and see them again on Boxing Day. Do you think I would appear rude if I suggested this to my IL's? (We also see them every Christmas Eve until late, which wouldn't change)

CMOTDibbler Tue 20-Nov-12 15:14:58

It sounds very fair to me, and you are v considerate to your mum

MaxPepsi Tue 20-Nov-12 15:15:49

Are the IL's just 2 people?
If so, can they not just join in the whole day with your family?

I don't think it would be UR to speak to your IL's, they might fancy a change themselves?

We go to the IL's on Boxing day, that's the way it's always been in DH's famly as he sometimes has to work xmas day and his sister doesn't live close.

That will have to change at some point though as I want to see my family on boxing day. They will all be invited to our house regardless, up to them if they decide to take umbrage.

LadyInPink Tue 20-Nov-12 15:15:50

If you see your ILs every year for breakfast and lunch then surely one year of only breakfast isn't unreasonable especially if you see them Christmas Eve and Boxing day. Explain that you have a big family and that there's only room for a few people and you'd rather give them quality time on their own. No one who was reasonable could be annoyed with you.

Do it soon as orders for turkeys etc have to be in soon and they'll want to make alternate plans for food if not coming to you.

adeucalione Tue 20-Nov-12 15:16:10

Sounds fine to me; you're essentially just asking ILs to skip lunch with you this year as you have several siblings arriving from abroad and want to give your mother a break. Cooking for 13 is quite enough I think, and your ILs would BVU to object.

LemonBreeland Tue 20-Nov-12 15:16:42

I think if you explain to you ils your reasons for wanting your whole family together, and they are reasonable people, then I don't see why it would be a problem.

DontmindifIdo Tue 20-Nov-12 15:16:58

Sounds fine, you are hosting your family this year you can't have everyone over.

chrome100 Tue 20-Nov-12 15:18:08

Can't your ILs stay for lunch too?

carrotcruncher Tue 20-Nov-12 15:21:35

I think you should make room for the In laws and have a jolly old party it feels a bit mean to kick the out at midday(not very christian like really)

Justforlaughs Tue 20-Nov-12 15:23:16

Thing is that my DPs are a bit odd at times and they don't see my ILs as THEIR family. Don't ask! grin. Also they don't really know my family very well, and while I wouldn't mind if we all saw a lot of each other I haven't seen my brother for example for 5 years. It would just be easier if my ILs weren't there. (With my own family as well, there's 20 of us without ILs!!). I just don;t want them feel pushed out/ unwanted especially as things can be a bit tense sometimes between us and things have been going quite well for a few months.

Nancy66 Tue 20-Nov-12 15:23:42

it's not rude but it feels a bit mean.

Justforlaughs Tue 20-Nov-12 15:24:39

Should maybe say that ILs live 5 minutes walk up the road, MY side of the family live an hour away

Crinkle77 Tue 20-Nov-12 15:25:14

I am so glad I only have a tiny family and do not have to cope with these dilemmas. I am sure if you explained the situation they would be fine but surely that is up to your husband as they are his relatives

carrotcruncher Tue 20-Nov-12 15:26:06

So why don't you invite the in laws for boxing day instead then and-- feed---- them---- the---- scraps--

Justforlaughs Tue 20-Nov-12 15:28:18

carrotcruncher they will no doubt spend the entire day on Boxing Day with us anyway, and I'll cook another full Christmas Dinner (pigs in blankets included grin) all over again.

Some0ne Tue 20-Nov-12 15:30:35

If there are 20 of you then it sounds perfectly reasonable!

My parents don't see the PILs as family either, is that unusual? They barely ever see each other (thankfully as they don't get on) and there's no way I'd combine them at Christmas, it was awkward enough at our wedding!

honeytea Tue 20-Nov-12 15:31:19

I think yanbu but I think it is a little mean not to invite the inlaws, maybe it is time they all got along.

ENormaSnob Tue 20-Nov-12 15:33:59

So you normally see ils Xmas eve, Xmas day and boxing day?

Definitely not unreasonable to want to have your family for lunch for a change.

Justforlaughs Tue 20-Nov-12 15:35:52

It does sound a lot when you put it like that ENormaSnob, but yes, we do!

cantspel Tue 20-Nov-12 15:39:52

I couldn't just leave them out if i was doing lunch for 20. Hell i wouldn't even notice 2 more.

If they only live 5 minutes up the road then you could invite them to lunch and use their oven to cook the overflow which they will then bring with them.

ENormaSnob Tue 20-Nov-12 15:39:52

Well it's about time your own family got a sniff in then imo.


carrotcruncher Tue 20-Nov-12 15:51:23

Justforlaughs do what is best for you and don't feel guilty if the in laws are only going to have beans on toast on that day(only joking) , just forget about it and have a great time with your nearest and dearest , no point stressing yourself out.Have happy crimbo!

Casserole Tue 20-Nov-12 16:24:29

i'd either invite them for Christmas Day lunch as well, or just have them over Boxing Day. I don't think I could kick them out at noon on Christmas Day with the smell of turkey wafting through as I did so!

CaliforniaLeaving Tue 20-Nov-12 17:17:09

I'd just invite teh in laws for lunch too, 2 more won't be that much trouble. If you parents object, tell them to get over themselves they are as much your DC's grandparents as they are. With 20 people in the house it won't be hard for them to avoid each other.

fiftyval Tue 20-Nov-12 22:36:21

Op - sounds like you are doing far too much cooking, doing another Xmas Lunch on Boxing Day - why isn't your DH doing the cooking for his parents ?

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