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I don't want to tell certain family members about our pregnancy - wwyd?

(15 Posts)
LittleMidge Tue 20-Nov-12 10:15:38

My DH's family are a complicated bunch but on the whole relatively close. all the cousins grew up together and stay in contact. DH's Uncle and Aunt and cousin have very recently caused a huge amount of tension in the family flinging accusations at others for stealing etc all around inheritence. It is a long story but their actions have put us in a very difficult position within the family and our local community with vicious and untrue rumours.

Now tradition is when someone is expecting or has exciting news we email round all cousins, family etc to share. I am about to send that email but I want to leave off this fraction of the family. I feel that through their actions they have caused us significant harm and spread vicious lies about us. It is not that I don't want them to know I just cannot bear the thought of them sending good wishes which knowing how two faced they can be I would expect. I don't want them to share in our happiness when they obviously don't give a dam about my family.
DH says it is my decision but he wants to leave them out aswell. thing is others will talk to them and they will know we have deliberately left them off.

I know this sounds silly but I hate upsetting people and this is really bothering me - am I being petty and should I just include them as it is only a generic email and ignore responses??

ShamyFarrahCooper Tue 20-Nov-12 10:22:33

Nope I wouldn't include them either. Let them find out through others and it may well show them what their actions have done.
So, YANBU, enjoy your pregnancy and congratulations!

CatsRule Tue 20-Nov-12 10:23:23

I woulf rise above it...don't let them have the opportunity to say anything against you. And don't let their responses dull your joy.

Congratulations smile

Kethryveris Tue 20-Nov-12 10:23:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cozietoesie Tue 20-Nov-12 10:25:34

I would include them on the basis that leaving them out might cause even more trouble. Just to make life easier for yourself. (You don't need to do anything else and can always just delete any response emails as received.)

Congratulations on your pregnancy!


DontmindifIdo Tue 20-Nov-12 10:29:37

I think this can only be a recent tradition as it's only recently that everyone will have had e-mails, so you are only talking about the most recent generation of the family, the generation before would either have called or seen people individually to tell them and it generally spread round. There's going to have been an in-between bit when some people got e-mails and others who didn't have their own addresses were called or heard off others.

I would start a new tradition, only slight varient, send individual e-mails to everyone, you can copy and paste the text and just change the "dear X" at the top (if there's a lot, to save time you can save the text as a signature).

this way it won't be clear to everyone receiving it who has and who has not been told, and it won't be you leaving them off a "family list" it'll be you not sending them a personal e-mail, when you don't contact them personally anymore anyway.

LittleMidge Tue 20-Nov-12 10:29:45

Thankyou - it sounds so silly and petty but I was really looking forward to sharing our news as we've had multiple losses in TTC and finally feel at a point where we can tell others (well if they see me they would guess anyhow!!) but just feel this is a dampener. Kethryveris maybe you are right, maybe I just break the norm instead!

Jingleflobba Tue 20-Nov-12 11:11:54

Thing is if you leave them out it could give them more ammunition to spread trouble for you. YANBU to want to leave them off the email but it might be better in the long run to include them.

Jingleflobba Tue 20-Nov-12 11:12:25

And congratulations!! smile

flowery Tue 20-Nov-12 11:13:42

How long do you expect to be able to keep it from them? You say you cannot bear the thought of them sending good wishes, but what makes you think they won't do that once they do hear, from someone else?

squeakytoy Tue 20-Nov-12 11:15:24

Just tell the people who you do get on with.. surely the ones that you dont wont be interested anyway.. confused

foreverondiet Tue 20-Nov-12 11:15:39

I agree leave them out, but either use bcc: send each email individually so no one knows who else received.

squeakytoy Tue 20-Nov-12 11:17:25

or, dont send an email at all, just put a note in the christmas cards that you send out..

SooticaTheWitchesCat Tue 20-Nov-12 11:19:59

I would only tell the people I want to. It's your news and it is up to you who gets to find out first.

LittleMidge Tue 20-Nov-12 11:33:27

Thanks all, I'm 16 weeks so it won't be secret much longer as it.
True Flowery I just don't want them sharing in this, with some of things they have said I worry that they will somehow turn it into something nasty.
I like the christmas card idea squeaky, that keeps it personal, informal and easier for me to decide who knows etc. Of course they will find out I just don't want them to think they are important enough to me for me to share, but likewise don't want to inflame the situation. Feel very silly that something so trivial is bothering me so much!

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