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To ask if anyone has / knows anyone who had kids so they could give up work / go part time?

(54 Posts)
Cherryontop99 Tue 20-Nov-12 08:56:15

A friend of mine always talks about having kids so she can give up her job (a very stressful one) or go part time. She says it in a jokey manner, and I know she adores children, so this is not her real motivation.

However, this got me wondering how many women actually do have children because they are fed up with careers / want a change of scene?!

I'm sure there was an article about it in the Daily Mail (!!) too a while ago too.

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 20-Nov-12 18:04:01

I know lots of people whose life dream was to have a couple of kids be a sahm bake stuff and finger paint,

But I don't know anybody whose only reason for having a unwanted child was so they didn't have to work.

I also don't think I know many working mums who don't view work as a little bit of an. Escape from the kids

plantsitter Tue 20-Nov-12 18:06:49

In my honest opinion, you would have to be fucking insane to have kids so you could give up work. I say this as a SAHM of two small children.

TigerseyeMum Tue 20-Nov-12 18:08:40

I wonder if a lot of women got sold on the 'career fulfilment' thing then discovered in reality they get paid little, worked long hours and had shitty bosses. So it might appear as if women want kids just to get out of that situation but in fact it can be welcome relief to the endless round of commuting/working/more working and not feeling very fulfilled.

I think the fulfilment aspect is really important. I admit though that at times when i am really excited about my job my desire for babies wanes a tiny bit and when I've had a shit day I can't wait!

OverlyWordyHurdyGurdy Tue 20-Nov-12 18:13:56

Yy plantsitter! Fucking insane.

TempusFuckit Tue 20-Nov-12 19:56:22

It wasn't the motive, but it's ended up being pretty good timing. My industry is going through an excruciatingly difficult transition fuelled by the internet. I'm one of those pesky online bods, so at the moment I'm not popular, have little power, not much chance of progression, etc etc. The theory is that after my years of maternity leave and part timing, the industry will have pulled through, and I'll be well placed, having kept my skills ticking over, to take over, mwahahaha!

I imagine a lot of women have looked at the downturn as an opportunity to take some time out - our DC are known as recession babies aren't they? I do wonder how many have made plans to return to the workplace though.

Trills Tue 20-Nov-12 20:09:42

If I went part time without having children I would have a nicer time and have now money to spend on nice things than if I worked part time with children.

Apart from all the people giving me funny looks and calling me a lazy fucker, of course.

Trills Tue 20-Nov-12 20:12:29

more money, not now money

angeltulips Tue 20-Nov-12 20:14:09

Definitely know women who thought this. Defo not the case for me

The only thing that really sets my teeth on edge is women like the poster above who smugly states she'll never go back to work, maybe do a bit of volunteering. Um, newsflash luv, you'll probably live til 90, but do go ahead and leech off everyone else til then. Am sure you'll be the first to complain when benefits are cut.

scarletforya Tue 20-Nov-12 20:22:43

Yep, loads of people I know did where In used to work. It was also important to 'get your maternity leave' out of the company as many times as possible, go back from Mat leave pregnant and then when family was complete to hopefully 'get redundancy'

I have no problem with any of that, even though I was childless the whole time I was there so often covered maternity leave etc. Didn't bother me. More power to people who can get as good conditions as possible from companies!

TwitchyTail Tue 20-Nov-12 20:27:55

I'll admit that the timeline of my thoughts after the positive Clearblue was roughly as follows:

11:28: I'm pregnant! Yay. A baby. Nice.
11:29: OMG a YEAR off work!!
11:30: OMG and then a lifetime of societally sanctioned THREE-DAY WEEKS!!!

TwitchyTail Tue 20-Nov-12 20:29:09

And then I read an article about the staggering cost of raising a child from birth to 18 years, and my happy bubble burst sad

cashmere Tue 20-Nov-12 20:32:42

I'm the 1st of my friends to have kids and have encountered the 'mat leave is a 9 month holiday' attitude/jokes several times.
Unless you are very used to being around young children for extended periods of time I don't think you realise what hard work being a parent is-and I love it!
I also know of a colleague who said similar but on reflection has found work easier (though less rewarding).
I think part time is the way to go- I work 3 days, ideally I'd do 2.

fossil97 Tue 20-Nov-12 20:43:50

<hollow laugh>
I think I was looking forward to the change from a very full on career to spending more time at home , BUT I hugely overestimated how much time I would have at home for hobbies/baking cakes/gardening/reading etc. Looking after the DC wasn't as much difficult as exhausting, messy and time consuming. It's only now they are at school and I'm back at work that I have an actual day off work with no DC at home - that's precious time I tell you.

Twitchytail have you had your baby yet? grin

I suspect the OP's friend is being a bit tongue in cheek.

SrirachaGirl Tue 20-Nov-12 21:48:05

Angel, hunny. That's harsh!

The other reason I don't work is because my husband is an ambitious and very hard-working, high-earning breadwinner. And because we are financially responsible I won't ever be claiming benefits or "leeching" off anyone. Does that set your teeth right?

Chip. On. Shoulder.

GrendelsMum Tue 20-Nov-12 22:11:57

I don't know - my sister has DC, I don't. I was complaining to her that working full time doesn't leave me enough time to pursue a skill to a really high level. She suggested in all sincerity that I should have a baby so that I could have the time to get really good at my hobby. hmm

legoballoon Tue 20-Nov-12 22:13:05

IMHO they'd be bonkers if they did. I go to work for a rest!

melliebobs Tue 20-Nov-12 22:15:54

I hate my job with a passion. But I'm stuck in it cos Anycareer move would be a good 8-10k paycut and we'd struggle. When I had dd I thought great part time hours. But due to the cost of child care and the cost I living goin up I'm having to go back full time n the thought of it makes me sick

TwitchyTail Tue 20-Nov-12 22:18:47

Fossil97 - good spot, my baby is still safely tucked up in the belly. But surely mat leave is just like a relaxing spa holiday with endless lie-ins, leisurely breakfasts and bubble baths?




legoballoon Tue 20-Nov-12 22:19:32

Sorry to hear that Mellie. I guess the grass may well be greener for some more than others. However, I do think people underestimate the exhaustion and drudgery involved in childrearing before they have 'em.

jazzcat28 Tue 20-Nov-12 22:22:38

I know someone who had a life plan as follows

Marry young to man who is in good career with high earning potential
Buy house
Get PGCE and teach for a year or two
Get pg

And she did exactly that!

I am keen to start TTC and when I have a rubbish week at work this feeling gets stronger but I think I want the family rather than just want to quit my job IYSWIM

KatyPeril Tue 20-Nov-12 22:27:33

I do. An ex-friend. She was always telling me to get knocked up so I could wuit my job. Last time I checked she had 4 and was absolutely beside herself when one got diagnosed with autism as she gets extra benefits. She was pushing for the others to get diagnosed and was always moaning how the council wouldn't 'pull thier fucking finger out' and give her a proper house. Ditching her was the best thing I ever did. I don't care how much abuse I got.

Flosshilde Tue 20-Nov-12 22:39:00

I didn't have kids to give up work, but DH and I decided to start our family perhaps 12 months earlier than we would otherwise have done as I was stuck in a job I hated.

I never went back. I'm not a SAHM though, I work full time. I got a new, far better job 11 months into maternity leave and my old employer didn't see me for dust. 2 years into this job I'm pregnant with DC2 and intend taking 9 months maternity leave this time.

PropertyNightmare Tue 20-Nov-12 22:56:12

Yes, I know about 10 women who made this choice. Nothing wrong with it either, imo.

PropertyNightmare Tue 20-Nov-12 22:59:09

I should say that none of my friends had children for the sole purpose of quitting work or reducing workload. Rather that was a happy and wanted occurance as a result of having children.

janey68 Wed 21-Nov-12 07:41:02

Maybe not actually deciding to have a baby solely for the purpose of giving up work... But i did have a colleague a few years back who was, unfortunately, not very good at her job, who when she got pregnant made a big noise about how she was going to be a SAHM because it was 'best for her baby'. Er no love, it was best for you Because you were unmotivated, not doing very well and couldn't wait to give up!

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