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To use the word 'Frape' ?!

(33 Posts)
tescocarrierbagexplosion Tue 20-Nov-12 02:01:42

Because I have used it. And would use it again!

I was sexually abused - and worse by my mums boyfriend when I was younger. He's been dealt with by the law - I don't want sympathy it's done and in the past. But seriously I know people think that using the word frape is terrible and insulting etc, and that the people who use it aren't very intelligent..

But I use it, and I've been through rape.. And I'm reasonably intelligent!

I just don't get what the big problem is!

AnyFucker Tue 20-Nov-12 10:11:36

Thread about a thread. Innit.

GobblersSparklyExplodingKnob Tue 20-Nov-12 10:08:36

blush I have re-read you post Horatia and it is clearly not all directed at me, apparently I just can't read.

HoratiaWinwood Tue 20-Nov-12 09:37:41

Sorry, Gobblers, I was pre-brew too. Not all that comment was directed at you, and the disclaimer had been in a subsequent comment.

I was shouting at the OP, not you.

noddyholder Tue 20-Nov-12 08:35:06

It minimises something totally devastating to many people and reduces it to a bit of online banter

GobblersSparklyExplodingKnob Tue 20-Nov-12 08:32:20

Sorry Horatia if I had had a coffee, I probably would never have nicked it, I was just pissed off and to me you had said what I wanted to very eloquently, I haven't missed anything off of your post though, that was the whole thing, sorry again though smile

Sadly I am all too able to "understand why it upsets or annoys people" and don't actually give a flying fuck what the context might be, it is a deeply ignorant and as said above, insensitive use of language.

EchoBitch Tue 20-Nov-12 08:31:56

Wasn't this done to death yesterday?

Oh and YABU,it is offensive.

noddyholder Tue 20-Nov-12 08:31:28

Even my son and his mates think its wrong

threesocksmorgan Tue 20-Nov-12 08:29:45

I have never used that "word" but imo if people find it offensive you don't use it.
so easy to find another word.
tbh this reminds me of the whole "it's ok to use the R word" crap.
why set out to offend, what is the point??

PeggyCarter Tue 20-Nov-12 08:20:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon Tue 20-Nov-12 08:19:09

"She doesn't get to choose for the rest of us, I'd suggest."

But we get to choose for her and all rape victims who agree with her?

OK, that's fair hmm

So, you think it is OK to use offensive terms provided you think they are OK?

FarelyKnuts Tue 20-Nov-12 08:09:24

I personally find it highly triggering and definitely think a lot less of people who use it on Facebook.
But then I tend to avoid the word rape as much as possible anyway.
I do feel it belittles the seriousness of it and turns it into a bit of a joke but then I tend to think people joke about it in a kind of warding it off way.

HoratiaWinwood Tue 20-Nov-12 08:02:17

Concoction? Conviction. Rape concoction would be another thing entirely!

Fucking "smart" phone with titchy text box.

HoratiaWinwood Tue 20-Nov-12 08:01:11

Incidentally I slightly changed my mind after that quoted post. And you missed off the disclaimer about the first paragraph's being tongue-in-cheek.

A word can't have power on its own. The word frape in itself can't disrespect victims of actual sexual assault, or propagate rape myths - of course it can't.

But the casual use of the word "rape" is perhaps symptomatic of a culture that really doesn't think rape is important; that distinguishes between "date rape" and "genuine rape"; in which rape reporting is low and concoction yet lower; and in which the previous sexual history of a victim is fair game.

In my mind the casual use of "rape" to mean anything but its most common definition is as bad as using "gay" to mean "rubbish" or "annoying". It makes you look like you don't understand the context.

So use it if you really want, but know what the context is, and understand why it upsets or annoys people.

GobblersSparklyExplodingKnob Tue 20-Nov-12 07:51:55

I really hope HoratiaWinwood doesn't mind but she said it so perfectly on the other thread that I am posting it here again for the op

Language has always been used figuratively. I'm a minor language development expert, BTW, having a degree in Linguistics.

Putting childish comments on someone else's FB isn't anything like forcing a sex act on them, even figuratively. Hijacked is a more appropriate phrase as it is closer in meaning.

But it is part of the social misunderstanding and denial and belittling of rape, and the persistence of rape myths, that lets people use the word so casually and inaccurately.

"Fraping" is often funny and almost always the victim's fault. Still defend use of the word?

AThingInYourLife Tue 20-Nov-12 07:48:38

"She doesn't get to choose for the rest of us, I'd suggest."

But we get to choose for her and all rape victims who agree with her?

OK, that's fair hmm

OneOfMyTurnsComingOn Tue 20-Nov-12 07:43:04

I wish you could hide threads on the app sad

BunnyLeBOOwski Tue 20-Nov-12 07:41:33

You have the right to use any words you like.

Just don't be surprised if people assume you're immature and/or thick as mince because of it.

MulledWineOnTheBusLady Tue 20-Nov-12 07:39:57

You can use any words you like. This one will cause lots of people to think you're a twat. That's the beauty of free speech.

HoratiaWinwood Tue 20-Nov-12 07:39:11

Athing "Steve's black, and he uses the word n*gger."

She doesn't get to choose for the rest of us, I'd suggest.

HoratiaWinwood Tue 20-Nov-12 07:37:57

If you genuinely don't see what the problem might be, perhaps you would care to look through yesterday's thread on the subject during which at least one person revised her opinion.

"I don't care why you don't like it, I think it is fine so I am going to carry on regardless" is puerile. At least find out why.

Sirzy Tue 20-Nov-12 07:37:11

Just because other things are worse doesn't make it right.

I agree with what everyone else has. Your attitude is a very immature one

AThingInYourLife Tue 20-Nov-12 07:36:34

"Your defence for using it is the 'I'm not racist, some of my best friends are gay' classic line."

No, it's not.

Her defence is that she herself is one of the group assumed to be offended by the term, and she is not.

Which is hard to argue with.

I find the term frape offensive as a woman (not so much as a rape victim, which I also am) but if someone who suffered horrible abuse as a child thinks worrying the word frape is silly, I respect that.

SoupDragon Tue 20-Nov-12 07:34:19

So, people tell you a word is offensive and you decide to ignore them and use it anyway?

Do you usually show such a large lack of judgement and empathy?

pigletmania Tue 20-Nov-12 07:30:50

It's not a nice word and even though you may not mind it some will

tescocarrierbagexplosion Tue 20-Nov-12 07:29:06

I never said that I was so cool.

I just don't think it's a big thing! I don't understand why people are so het up about it!

Yes I used it, I never said that I was cool for using it, but the world isn't going to end over one little world.

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