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To expect my brother to man up!!!!

(8 Posts)
AlmostHadItAll Mon 19-Nov-12 22:01:28

Okay, so he's down on his luck. BUT.....brief history

He's never really held down a job. Left an apprenticeship before he finished and went on to become a taxi driver. However, he is lazy, so under his own steam, he just doesn't work. He got himself into lots of debt living the high life with a previous girlfriend. Borrowed over £6k from my mum sad

His relationship broke down. The flat wasn't in his name. so he walked away with only debt to show for it. Eventually declared bankrupt over two years ago. He has a daughter from another relationship who he sees once a week. As far as I know he pays the mum maintenance (when he has the cash) So up until yesterday he was still running his taxi. But due to so many days off he was owed the taxi office money for his car. Instead of working he asked my mum for the money! She said "no" But she is really upset about the situation.

He has now lost the car, so no job, no money, no food in the cupboards. Now, I do feel a little bit sorry for him. But he could have prevented this.

My mum phoned earlier in tears because my brother had said he would need to go to a homeless shelter unless he got cash to get his car back. Emotional blackmail? My mum is over 70 years old and really doesn't need this kind of worry. So I phoned him and told him that if anything happens to mum because of this I will never speak to him again. He should only tell her that he is sorting himself out and not to worry.

Am I being to harsh?

PoohBearsHole Mon 19-Nov-12 22:05:07


I can't really help any further but he needs to pull his finger out. Your poor mum. sad

CaliforniaLeaving Mon 19-Nov-12 22:16:53

No you are not being too harsh. He needs to hit rock bottom and realize he needs to see to himself and pull himself together. Sadly I bet your Mum will help him out yet again and he won't suffer the consequences. I know I too would have a hard time not rescuing my boys if they asked.

MsVestibule Mon 19-Nov-12 22:19:06

Definitely not too harsh. Your poor mum must be beside herself with worry. She should just let him go to the homeless shelter; it might make him buck up his ideas if he realises his mum won't bail him out yet again.

AlmostHadItAll Mon 19-Nov-12 22:32:18

I have children myself california and realise how hard it must be for my mum. But I think she does realise that this time she can't give in to him. But it's breaking her heart. If he had done everything to help himself, we would all be helping. But at the end of the day, he's a lazy so and so and thinks he can basically steal from my mum.

My dad drank himself to death. I swear my brother is an addict without having an addiction. Rock bottom would be right! The realisation that you get nothing in life for free. If he wants to sleep all his days away, he will end up homeless.

There is no way my mum will let that happen though. She will bail him out, no question.

OpheliaPayneAgain Mon 19-Nov-12 23:02:45

If he's renting won't he get HB, if he's not working he'll get job seekers and so forth

whois Mon 19-Nov-12 23:23:07


Brother is feckless. I hate feckless people. Useless. Lazy. Self centred.

AudrinaAdare Mon 19-Nov-12 23:48:02

Oh Christ - I feel your pain. My sister (aged 38) is like this. Two DC of school-age, on benefits and could have a reasonable standard of living - I know because I was once in the same position with DD albeit in a 1-bed mouldy flat not a nice new house.

My Mum has severe dementia and yet today I had a call from my Dad saying that sis had eight weeks worth of black sacks piled up in her garden and a similar amount of bottles despite weekly refuse collections and a bottle bank three minutes from the fucking house and could I sit with my Mum while he paid for a van out of his pension money to clear it all?

Oh, and he spent four hours there at the weekend sorting out her kitchen because she doesn't scrape plates or wash them for weeks at a time. She doesn't wash clothes until nobody has any left so there are always at least twenty bin-liners full of dirty washing stacked up all over the place.

Sis regularly stops paying all her bills (Christmas / Birthdays / Summer holidays) and has always been very heavily subsided by my Dad who is now using my Mum's DLA (which I fought for) to do it!

Some people really are just utter lazy useless cunts.

I have children and I'd hate to see mine suffer but surely as adequate parents we have to let them fall a bit and learn from it. DD (12) is having no snack money at school because she wants some Converse. DS (5 with autism) is having to wait for another "Mr Pizza Hut Balloon" because he burst the one he got yesterday.

You are not being too harsh at all.

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