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Actually, I think my sis is being selfish and unreasonable

(142 Posts)
BerylStreep Mon 19-Nov-12 18:29:05

My Mum who is retired and lives on her own is really unwell. She has been hospitalised, and has since been discharged, but still very poorly, while she waits for a procedure which she will be in about 3 or 4 months time.

Me and 2 other siblings have been caring for Mum since she became ill about 6 weeks ago - calling every day to prepare meals, do dishes, laundry, shopping, make cups of tea, have a chat etc. Even when she was in hospital there was a fair amount in terms of laundry, visits etc. We all have DC, jobs etc, but it is no problem to do it as we are all really worried about Mum. Another sibling has even flown home from abroad to help out.

Mum is finding it really hard to get up and down stairs - thank goodness she installed a downstairs bathroom a couple of years ago. Yesterday she said she was thinking of buying a 3 seater sofa so that if she is too unwell to go up to bed, she can stretch out on a longer sofa and sleep on it (she only has a 2 seater sofa at the moment).

We have a further sibling, the baby of the family, who works abroad - let's call her Barbara. She is single with no DC. She moved out of her flat here about 8 years ago, and moved abroad to study, and now works abroad - it is unlikely she will ever return to live here. She has used 2 of the bedrooms in my Mum's house to store her furniture and possessions since then, making these 2 rooms unusable, but Mum doesn't mind.

When Mum said yesterday about buying a sofa, I immediately thought of Barbara's 3 seater sofa which has been in one of the bedrooms for the last 8 years. This would be a perfect solution, as Mum isn't even well enough to go shopping for a sofa, doesn't really have the income to be able to afford it (would be using savings), and probably only needs to use it for about 6 months until she has had her procedure and recovered. I suggested this to Mum, who said she would ask Barbara.

So today I was speaking to one of my siblings, who told me Mum had asked Barbara if she would be able to use her sofa. Mum had given assurances that she would care for it, use throws etc. Barbara has said no, she doesn't want Mum to use it.

[Mouth hangs open] Un-fucking-believable. So, is she being unreasonable?

Lulabellarama Mon 19-Nov-12 18:30:56

Nobody will say anything other than how unreasonable she is.
Its gobsmacking.

MissCellania Mon 19-Nov-12 18:31:08

Never mind that, tell her to fuck right off and just use it! Or tell her to come and remove it all and pay for the last eight years storage fees, and you can use that to buy a couch.

MarasmeAbsolu Mon 19-Nov-12 18:32:00

sad that is very sad

WhenShallWeThreeKingsMeetAgain Mon 19-Nov-12 18:32:08

Yes - your sis is being precious and horrible. I'd just use it to be honest. Fuck her.

millie30 Mon 19-Nov-12 18:32:52

Your sister is an arse. Tell her that her precious sofa is now on the front lawn awaiting her collection, along with the rest of her junk.

BerylStreep Mon 19-Nov-12 18:33:50

I know. I want my Mum to go for a private consultation, and Mum is dithering because she can't afford it. I have told her I will pay.

The thing is, it is a nice sofa, but it's not even pristine - Barbara put a couple of cigarette burns in it.

I don't think I trust myself to phone Barbara to discuss it, I am so annoyed.

freddiefrog Mon 19-Nov-12 18:34:22

Massively unreasonable.

Give Barbara 3 choices

1. She stores her shit elsewhere
2. She pays for the use of the 2 bedrooms, so your mum can buy herself a lovely new sofa with the money
3. She lets your mother use the sofa

Although, I'd be using the sofa regardless by now

howardbear Mon 19-Nov-12 18:34:39

of course she is!! use it anyway, selfish cow!!

Isityouorme Mon 19-Nov-12 18:34:41

What a bitch! Just use it ...,,

BOFingSanta Mon 19-Nov-12 18:35:03

Sod her- just use it. And tell her that if she's not happy with it, tough, she can start paying storage for her stuff.

fuzzywuzzy Mon 19-Nov-12 18:35:55

Bill her for the last eight year storage fees, tell her to move every single stick of furniture out of the house by the end of the week or it gets tossed.

What was her reason for refusing? What does she plan on doing with this furniture from abroad?

InNeedOfBrandy Mon 19-Nov-12 18:36:16

Yes those 3 options from Freddie

Your sister is a bitch.

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Mon 19-Nov-12 18:36:26

What freddiesaid.

Guiltypleasures001 Mon 19-Nov-12 18:36:38

Absobloodylutely i agree with millie30

DowagersHump Mon 19-Nov-12 18:36:38

I wouldn't have even asked tbh ...

kinkyfuckery Mon 19-Nov-12 18:36:50

Wow, that's incredibly selfish. I agree with the options freddiefrog said.

Am glad your mum has some children who do care about her

piglettsmummy Mon 19-Nov-12 18:37:15

She is being very unreasonable! If it was me asking. Dd and she said no id turn round and tell her to get her shit out of my house!!

freddiefrog Mon 19-Nov-12 18:37:36

If she's abroad, is she ever going to know?

Just use it, and if she kicks up a stink give her a weeks notice on her storage facility.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Mon 19-Nov-12 18:37:49

That is shockingly selfish. I'd check storage rates locally and send a bill to your sister on your mum's behalf. That will more than cover a lovely new sofa for her. I'd encourage your mum to tell your sister she needs to organise to get rid of her stuff or you will to get her house back.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Mon 19-Nov-12 18:38:26

X-posts with everyone all thinking the same thing!

Dillydollydaydream Mon 19-Nov-12 18:38:50

I would just use the sofa, sod her.

PickledFanjoCat Mon 19-Nov-12 18:38:53

Does she know how expensive storage is?

What a horrible thing to do.

I sincerely hope your mum is stretched out on that sofa as we speak!

FromEsme Mon 19-Nov-12 18:39:42

Barbara sounds like a knob.

Lavenderhoney Mon 19-Nov-12 18:42:14

I suggest you call your sister and explain. Also tell her you need the space as you and your siblings might need to stay the night. Or your mum is going into warden accommodation, which might be an option anyway at this stage for you - she can take her furniture etc.

However, your sisters furniture is now in the way and it has to go. Either she comes herself and arranges its removal or arranges a company to do it. By the end of the month. She has saved miminum £200 a month and I can bet if you total that up, it's more than her furniture is worth. So she has a few days to decide something which she has had years to think of. There are plenty of storage companies she can have access to online and them to pick up.

Does she vist your mum? Is she planning on coming home for Christmas?
How awful, I hope you hide it from your mum as best you can, she might worry about it, but in no way should your sister deny her or profit from it.

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