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..to wonder if I am over-reacting and feeling hurt, rather than reasonable

(8 Posts)
Punkatheart Mon 19-Nov-12 12:37:25

I won't bore you with all the details - common enough story: ex left my daughter and I in July 2011. He ploughed through a load of money, ignored us both and went off the rails. Tried a lot to help him and get things back on track....my daughter became very ill and still he didn't help/write to her etc. I also have lymphoma and had some more radiotherapy during that time. It was a truly terrible time.

Anyway, have never had a cross word with my MIL and this is after 20 years of being her DIL. Fell out in one conversation, after which she stopped phoning.

My daughter has some cousins - not in the country. They came over to the UK and went out. Fine. But I have made it clear and so has my daughter, that future arrangements need to be made via me, her mother, not through Facebook etc. My daughter is 15 but a very young 15 with lots of problems, some of them of the mental health variety, which have manifested since her beloved daddy left. Her health is worrying me most - she is showing some signs (God I hate to even say it out loud) of some very similar symptoms to mine. I have a rare form of lymphoma.

Sorry - rattling...but now her cousins have contacted her via Facebook, to ask her to come over to France for Christmas. We have plans (not unusual for a family!) and so my daughter politely said no, please can you talk to mum if you want to make any arrangements. Next, they ask 'Well can you come at New Year?' My daughter says the same thing and then they ask if she can come over next year - for her birthday.

Am I unreasonable to feel truly angry about this? Her father has been told that she is very unwell....doctors are concerned and she has had several weeks off school. Her father has not asked about her. Her grandmother has not asked about her.

I am feeling pretty poorly at the moment - I have chemo shots at home three times a week and some days I can function, some days I sleep a lot. I am finding everything at times very hard to handle. I am trying to keep things calm and normal for my girl.

ReindeerBollocks Mon 19-Nov-12 12:57:06

No you're not over-reacting.

Plus, your daughter wants the clarification as well, which would suggest that she recognises that her health and well being haven't been in top condition and she would probably be more comfortable with plans being made in the open rather than via FB.

Some posters may say that at 15 she could sort this stuff out by herself, and I guess, had she and yourself not had all of the health problems and relationship difficulties with the Ex, then it may be a different scenario.

But as it stands, it seems only fair that his family ring you and her to sort out any flying visits properly.

Gigondas Mon 19-Nov-12 13:01:44

Yanbu - regardless of her health issues, I think at 15 (as she is still a minor) would expect requests to come to/be copied to parents especially

Also if you want some hand holding / sympathy or just inane chat to take your mind off things, please feel free to join us on tamoxifen thread in general health. There are a few of us there (not all with breast cancer) who have supported each other through treatment and beyond. Chemo is incredibly draining so brew ( I don't know how to flowers wink).

Punkatheart Mon 19-Nov-12 13:10:34

I wouldn't compare myself to the incredible ladies having the full chemo experience....mine is a controlled injection...but it still makes me exhausted, prone to depression and generally flu-ey. Your thread sounds wonderful...very supportive. I might pop over to say hello. I like supporting other people too...I am much more comfortable in that role.

I am I suppose feeling very wretched. Have just spoken to her father, who denies getting the emails telling him that our daughter was unwell. Despite the fact that he actually responded to one request that I asked him in one of the emails.

Thank you for your responses. I am filling a Christmas stocking at the moment and now I am attempting to make an igloo from square Lego in which to put two chocolate penguins. What can go wrong with that!

Trying not to hate a man who has put us through so much...really trying to focus on other achievements and people...but just some days....

Yes, she is a minor...that is my point.

LRDtheFeministDragon Mon 19-Nov-12 13:14:33

You sound very reasonable - you've obviously been through a horrible time (and still with health concerns) so to act like this just sounds insensitive and pushy.

How old are the cousins? Maybe they are not really old enough to get it either? They are pestering her at a time when you just don't have the time and energy, and her father and grandmother's not asking about her is just shit.

Lucky girl she has her mother to look after her - and I hope you yourself have a good and quick recovery.

StuntGirl Mon 19-Nov-12 13:14:34

I'm sorry I'm not much help on the actual important points but I just want to say a lego igloo with chocolate penguins sounds AMAZING!

Gigondas Mon 19-Nov-12 13:14:59

You could hold hands with one of lot who is havjng chemo tabs . And all long term treatment is hard so don't feel that you wouldn't be welcome.

Lego and penguins.. No room for error there smile.

And your ex and his family sound like arses.

Punkatheart Mon 19-Nov-12 13:35:06

The igloo...looks like a...spaceship.

Made me laugh though...

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