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To have expected at least a birthday card for dd?

(13 Posts)
grrrrrrrrrrrrrr Mon 19-Nov-12 07:54:30

Its that time of the month when I am feeling a little 'touchy' don't know if I am making a drama out of this or not.

My friend lives in the next street (2 mins walk), in the last few months she has gone through a bit of a rough time, she had an injury in her shoulder and some days she is in agony. I feel I have been a good friend I have taken her shopping a few times a week, bought her flowers a few times to cheer her up, on her birthday I bought some really lovely thoughtful pressies, she loves my kids to bits and often says they are thoughtful, my dd now 12, often takes veg round that she has grown in her veg patch when some is left over, and has entertained my friends dd when she has come round, because of the bad shoulder I taker her kids and pick them up from school 75% of the time.

My friend has known it was dd birthday coming up as I have been talking about plans and getting stuff, she has always said oh yes I want to get her a lovely pressie etc etc. Day of birthday no card or no pressie, she actually text me mid morning to ask a favour, I said sorry I could not as was with dd for her birthday, she said yes ok she will drop a card off later, said she would put money in the card as did not know what to get. Came back later in day, no card put through nor yesterday. I am not bothered about the money in the card or no pressie, a card would of done. I know her shoulder is bad sometimes, but I know she went out Saturday for a meal. Also she has a son who she is always sending on errands so he could of posted the card.

Basically asking as it kept me awake last night, and a comment my dh made about a one sided friendship and taking advantage of me etc.

So would any of you been annoyed?

dexter73 Mon 19-Nov-12 07:57:55

It wouldn't have annoyed me as I would have assumed she was too busy and might drop it off in the next few days. I suppose as part of the larger theme of your friendship being one-sided it would be annoying though.

Pancakeflipper Mon 19-Nov-12 07:59:01

I think it depends on the friendship. If she was a taker in the friendship and there was no fun in it for me at all even when times are not hard and she's not needing support - then I would be looking at why I feel I need to be so involved in her life probably take a step back. Don't be a martyr be friends cos you like her.

For some reason I wouldn't be annoyed just resigned to the fact that this is what my mate was like.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr Mon 19-Nov-12 08:21:00

It can be fun, but she is one of those people who go from one drama to another, its a bit draining

pigletmania Mon 19-Nov-12 08:33:54

I don't blame you, a bit of thought on her part after all you have done for her would not be too much to ask. Even a phone call wishing her a happy birthday I an sure would have been fine

pigletmania Mon 19-Nov-12 08:34:20

It does sound very one sided though

DeWe Mon 19-Nov-12 10:01:26

I don't generally do presents/cards for friends dc. If I did that then I'd be constantly having to get stuff. If I was going round on their birthday or something then I would do if I remembered in time. I'd wish them happy birthday if I saw them, but I would find it slightly strange to phone just to wish them happy birthday.

If you always get her ds a present and she complains if you forget then yrnbu, but otherwise, no I wouldn't expect anything.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr Mon 19-Nov-12 10:48:18

appreciate all comments.

We have only yes know each other 8 months (new to area) yes bought her dc presents, she is the sort of friend who because kids at school together we see each other most days.

I also wouldn't have minded so much if she had not made a song a dance about getting dd something nice and telling her don't worry I know your birthday is coming up and I wont forget.

Justforlaughs Mon 19-Nov-12 15:30:43

Birthdays are more important to some poeple than others, and if it was just the card that has upset you then I wouldn't worry about it. However it does sound a bit as if the friendship is rather one sided and I'd be a little wary, especially if your DC's are going to be affected by it. My own family are notorious for forgetting birthdays and often my DCs won't get a card or any acknoweldgement at all, it doesn't bother us at all, as I always make an effort for them (and also my nephews and niece), however our relationship as a whole is balanced.

Dogsmom Mon 19-Nov-12 15:39:32

I'd be put out and it does sound like a one sided friendship, like you say she has known for a while when your DD's birthday was and surely she has had time at some point to pop a card in.

I have a friend who is similar, every year a card and present arrives either late in the evening or a few days later, I'd rather she didn't bother as it feels like it's a chore to her.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr Mon 19-Nov-12 19:00:48

Thanks again.

Yes it was just the fact she kept going on about it, today I got a text saying I still got the card will drop it round later ... she hasn't, 4 days after DD's birthday... just why mention it....grrrrrrrrrrrr

pigletmania Mon 19-Nov-12 21:05:58

She should not akes song and dance of it just satpy nothing and wish your dd a happybiryhday

cloudpuff Mon 19-Nov-12 22:15:39

She could have at least telephoned to wish your dd a happy birthday, sounds like a one sided friendship to me, Im going through something very similar and Im beginning to realise what a selfish piss taker my so called friend is.
I listen to her moan on and on about trivial crap each morning, I do all sorts for her and my DH has always complained about her taking the piss. My Dad died earlier in the year and she was no use at all, I didnt get one bit of support from her, she didnt once ask how I was doing. Im starting to see her for what she really is and am taking a step back as I end up feeling crappy when I have been around her. I dont think she does it on purpose, she's just so wrapped up in herself to care about others.

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