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To wonder why people that are aloof and full of themselves have everyone running around after them?

(39 Posts)
Haughtyculture Sun 18-Nov-12 23:17:38

Does anyone else notice this? Just in general.

I know a couple of people who are very aloof, very self absorbed, but everyone hangs on their every word and thinks they're great.

Why is this? I avoid aloof people like the plague....

JollyJock Sun 18-Nov-12 23:23:22

There was a programme on radio 4 the other day about the rise of narcissism in the youth of today. I wasn't clear about its truthfulness/relevance until they used the phrase 'sense of entitlement'. Might be worth looking up smile

Haughtyculture Sun 18-Nov-12 23:24:28

I just don't get what the attraction is? So many people seem to like those types of people. I don't know if it's because aloof people give off an air of importance? Will look up that programme, thanks smile

GrimAndHumourless Sun 18-Nov-12 23:25:07

your perception of a person as aloof can be shyness in reality

those who ''hang on their every word'' and ''think they're great'' have probably taken the time to connect, to nurture a relationship and discovered a really fantastic person

praps you ought to give it a go, instead of avoiding like the plague

mind you, perhaps the aloof person engineers you away.....

mignonette Sun 18-Nov-12 23:26:01

What, you mean like Gwyneth Paltrow?

Haughtyculture Sun 18-Nov-12 23:28:12

I don't mean someone that is aloof because they're shy GrimAndHumourless. I mean aloof as in someone who thinks they are fantastic and that everyone else is minions.

Is Gwyneth Paltrow aloof, mignonette? Whenever I've seen her being interviewed she's seemed very friendly and warm.

GrimAndHumourless Sun 18-Nov-12 23:29:41

hmmm I think my understanding of aloof and yours are a bit skewiff so I'll bow out

mignonette Sun 18-Nov-12 23:32:10

Read a couple of interviews with her in which the interviewer is highly offended at her attitude. Reputable journalists too. I accept that none of us truly knows her but she does come across as a little po faced at times (in her book FE)

Haughtyculture Sun 18-Nov-12 23:34:22

Really? That's surprised me a bit mignonette.

I think the interviews I saw with her were before she was very famous, so perhaps her attitude has got more offensive as her fame has increase

Illgetmycoat Sun 18-Nov-12 23:36:56

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin were incredibly kind to a friend of mine who was dying of cancer whose child was a friend of theirs. I don't think you can judge people by interviews.

FastidiaBlueberry Sun 18-Nov-12 23:38:31

I don't know if YABU or not, because you don't explain how if someone is very aloof, they have all these mignons.

How do they communicate with mignons while being aloof?

All the people I know who treat people like mignons are garrulous and self-opinionated and given to pronouncements, not aloof at all.

So I need more info to decide if YABU.

<Waits aloofly for more info>

HildaOgden Sun 18-Nov-12 23:40:13

Some people are 'people pleasers',and feel uncomfortable until they get some sign of approval from the 'higher' aloof people.It's an insecurity thing,you will find that people who are confident in their own skin aren't too bothered whether people like them or not.

Haughtyculture Sun 18-Nov-12 23:44:15

One person in particular that I know that I would class as aloof:

Is very full of herself and thinks she is brilliant and that her child is the best behaved child ever. She is very judgemental of other people with less than perfectly behaved children. She is very opinionated and states her opinions in a loud, assertive manner and everyone automatically agrees with her because she is very pushy about it.

She doesn't make any effort with people, yet expects everyone to make an effort for her, and they do. When she talks it is all about her.

I think I've chosen the wrong word in calling her aloof haven't I?

LastMangoInParis Sun 18-Nov-12 23:45:03

Ever heard the expression 'flies around a lump of shite', Haughty?

mignonette Sun 18-Nov-12 23:46:26

I'm sure they were very kind to their friends. They'd have to be complete sociopath's not to be wouldn't they? However, GP was being interviewed to promote one of her concerns and she was terribly rude, uncooperative to the point of the reporter cutting the interview short.

And none of that 'stress and strain' nonsense about being famous and having to do interviews yada yada. I, and other hard working in real life folks do not buy it smile

Haughtyculture Sun 18-Nov-12 23:47:37

Oh yes indeed, LastMango. I think it's quite an accurate saying ;-)

TwitchyTail Sun 18-Nov-12 23:49:54

I agree with HildaOgden.

Being aloof can come across as self-confident (as in not caring what other people think of you), and that can be attractive to those who are more unsure of themselves. Also, things that are hard to get, like the approval of an aloof person, are often seen as intrinsically worth more than the approval of a warm and friendly person. Playing hard to get, if you like.

Can't be bothered with all that, personally.

FreudiansSlipper Sun 18-Nov-12 23:50:22

i have often been told I can come across as aloof. I do not mean to I am quite shy. I think it is my accent too why people come to that conclusion

I am not going to change they way I am or try to be someone I am not because some pass judgement on me without even getting to know me

I can be very opinionated too smile

Haughtyculture Sun 18-Nov-12 23:54:00

I have tried to get to know the person I referred to. She's still the same. Opinionated is good. Hers is opinionated to the point of rudeness ie she puts people down and shouts down other people's opinions.

Guess where I met her....

MrsjREwing Mon 19-Nov-12 00:21:37


The fans will be people pleasers with low selfesteem.

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Mon 19-Nov-12 00:24:20

You mean like Robbie Shitty Williams and Gary Boring Barlow

MrsGrieves Mon 19-Nov-12 00:50:43

I have no clue, maybe because at heart a lot of people don't actually want to think for themselves, they enjoy being hangers on or minions, they like to be led??

I do like your name though <peoplepleaser>

LittlePickleHead Mon 19-Nov-12 07:50:06

I've recently been accused (behind my back) of being aloof by someone at work who doesn't know me at all. It really upset me as I imagine someone who is aloof as being cold and uninterested with the people around her which I'm sure wouldn't be the description any of my friends would give. This particular guy made me feel really uncomfortable (and it was obvious he didn't really like me) so I was shy around him and didn't know what to say, whereas with my friends at work I am confident and chatty. This obviously led him to the conclusion that I was aloof, as I wasn't kissing his arse like everyone else!

I'm not saying this is the case with you, but perhaps the people who love being around her have just had a different experience and there is something between the two of you that just doesn't click?

mrsscoob Mon 19-Nov-12 08:11:38

Don't know about aloof but I know especially in my place of work people who are shouty aggressive and rude seem to have the management bending over backwards to help them and give them free things and the people that are nice, understanding and quiet get fuck all and left to the last minute to be dealt with.

Lavenderhoney Mon 19-Nov-12 08:23:44

If some one is aloof, for me it means they don't like to chat about small things- like a mum who keeps her sunnies on for pickup and plays with the phone, and answers in monosyllables should you speak.

But the arrogant, entitled, and pushy sorts- yes they do seem to have followers. It's a leadership style and one I am not fond of. However people think that characteristics of leadership have those qualities so it is encouraged esp as people follow. They often end up an managers and then I guess you either leave or put up with it. Or hope they get headhunted- maybe send out their cv anonymouslysmile

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