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to consider sleeping in the living room on a permanent basis?

(90 Posts)
aamia Sun 18-Nov-12 20:30:11

DH is a very light sleeper who won't wear ear plugs as he needs to hear his alarm. He's waking every time DS wakes for a feed and isn't going back to sleep till DS does. So he's never getting more than an hour and a half of sleep at once. This is making him tired, irritable and he is losing interest in wanting to spend any time with his son at all. Won't hold him or play with him or anything unless I prompt it, where he used to love being a dad when DS was born. It's horrible and I just want him to enjoy being a dad again. If I slept with DS in the living room then DH would get some sleep. DH doesn't want me to but I don't see any other option tbh. Might get a double futon though as cosleep and not much room on our single.

DialsMavis Sun 18-Nov-12 20:31:21

We have the same issue, if DP needs the sleep he goes to the living room

minibmw2010 Sun 18-Nov-12 20:32:58

His problem therefore DH sleeps in the living room. Don't be a martyr about it, not wanting to spend time with your newborn just because of tiredness is pathetic.

Lexiesgirl Sun 18-Nov-12 20:33:24

Can your DH not sleep in the living room instead? I completely get where you are coming from, but isn't it easier for one person to go somewhere else, rather than two?

MrsMelon Sun 18-Nov-12 20:34:28

How old is your baby, are you breastfeeding? The mother should always get the bed, he should be on the sofa if he wants to ensure an uninterrupted sleep.

Did you say you have a single bed for all of you?

JackThePumpkinKing Sun 18-Nov-12 20:37:08

If you're cosleeping then surely your DH should sleep on the sofa! Tiredness is not an excuse for not wanting to hold him or play with him.

Do you have another room, or would it have to be the sofa?

MolotovBomb Sun 18-Nov-12 20:38:13

My DH is the same; he's a fabulous father and he wakes at the noise of a pin dropping, let alone one of our girls waking. After a week or so of broken sleep, he becomes a snappy, grumpy, moody sod and I'm desperate for him to get some good kip.

I'd do what you feel is right for you to all have some sleep and for him to become human again

AnyFucker Sun 18-Nov-12 20:38:33

DH on sofa

You and whatever combination of baby sleeping in/around the bed

Nagoo Sun 18-Nov-12 20:39:39

I'd send the DH downstairs TBH, if it meant buying more furniture.

FannyFifer Sun 18-Nov-12 20:40:06

So obviously you are waking a lot as well.

Tell him to sleep on the couch and get a feckin grip.

JackThePumpkinKing Sun 18-Nov-12 20:40:57

If you're talking about sleeping on the sofa and co-sleeping, please don't. This is really really unsafe.

Would be fine on a futon, but it's a very bad idea for both of you to sleep on a normal sofa.

Numberlock Sun 18-Nov-12 20:41:39

Why won't he use ear plugs?

DontmindifIdo Sun 18-Nov-12 20:41:53

DH on the sofa, perhaps with a sofa bed.

TalkinPeace2 Sun 18-Nov-12 20:42:59

When I asked friends about this when my kids were small it turned out that almost a third of couples routinely slept in separate rooms to make sure ONE of them got a decent sleep.
NB the one who is NOT waking up moves to the sofa / spare room.
THe feeder gets the normal bed.

RooneyMara Sun 18-Nov-12 20:43:54

Yes you shouldn't sleep on a sofa at all with a baby - I've no idea why this is but it's supposed to increase the risk of unexpected death. (sorry)

Why doesn't your husband sleep in the living room? It'd be much easier for him than for you AND a baby.

Chrysanthemum5 Sun 18-Nov-12 20:45:09

DH is similar in terms of being an incredibly light sleeper but that means he's done the vast majority of night wakings. With the consequence that he's developed a health issue which is probably due to broken sleep. So now I'm desperate to ensure he sleeps well. In your circumstance I'd sleep on a futon. However, if its just that your DH gets a bit grumpy then I think he needs to be the one who sleeps in the living room.

NoraGainesborough Sun 18-Nov-12 20:45:37

HE should be sleeping in the living room.

cantspel Sun 18-Nov-12 20:45:51

can you not put a bed in the babies room and co sleep in that?

OHforDUCKScake Sun 18-Nov-12 20:47:29

Same same same. DP doesnt have trouble bonding with our baby but Im totally understanding your need to sleep seperately.

We bought a huge comfy leather sofa because we realised poor DP is going to be on it long term. I say 'poor DP' but the reason is, he gets a full nights sleep! At the end of the day, he has no breasts and he just cant settle the bairn and I dont want him to either. The baby wants me, I want the baby, DP wants to help but cant, so best he gets sleep. So until things change, seperate sleeping is the answer.

However, you in the living room? No fucking way. If HE wants a full nights sleep HE moves to a peaceful place. Not you.

JackThePumpkinKing Sun 18-Nov-12 20:47:55

Why don't you suggest earplugs, but say that you can wake him when the alarm goes off?

yellowsubmarine53 Sun 18-Nov-12 20:53:04

Agree that dh needs to sleep on the settee, and you and baby where you normally do.

I don't understand why he would prefer to be distant and tired but have you sleep in the same bed, than be well rested and happy to spend time with his family for the sake of sleeping on the settee.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Sun 18-Nov-12 20:54:24

Jack's suggestion is genius. You wake up when the alarm goes off and poke DH awake and you can all sleep together. Or DH can sleep on sofa if he'd rather that than wear ear plugs. If you're up all night with your baby feeding and settling them you get the bed.

SirBoobAlot Sun 18-Nov-12 20:54:32

He should be the one sleeping on the sofa, FFS.

You know it really gets on my wick all these poor blokes struggling with limited sleep, and we as women feeling like we then have to take care of them as well.

You are waking up with the baby just as much, and staying up for longer. No way should you be the one stuck on a sofa.

aamia Sun 18-Nov-12 20:55:29

He won't sleep in the living room on the futon. Says he is fine. But he's not and I cannot watch him basically ignore his son in the evenings. It breaks my heart. I would sleep on futon mattress on the floor. I agree it would make more sense if he slept on the futon as it's a single and obviously the bed in the bedroom is a double. Maybe if I start this then as he gets some sleep he will see I have a point and we can swap.

theoriginalandbestrookie Sun 18-Nov-12 20:56:41

Can't he use ear plugs and then you nudge him to get up when his alarm go off.
FWIW I wear ear plugs and can still hear the alarm.

Is it purely a sofa or a sofa bed? If its a single sofa bed then DH should move on to it. Or get a double futon anyway and just work out what combination works out best for you all.

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