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To feel brow beaten and destroyed

(24 Posts)
ChablisLover Sun 18-Nov-12 20:14:24

In bad form today

All started when ds (5) was drawing and he kept putting the lids in his mouth. I know he does this draws when his dad looks after him in the mornings but I never realised he put the lid in his mouth

Now dh (?) is prone to snoozing in bed when ds is doing this as ds tells me. Have had words about this before but I thought it had changed

So I admit I laid Into him about it.

And the day has been like this - he's annoyed me and I snipe at him. It's just been about the bath plug. And ds discipline issues ( he has none - wont do as he's told and I end up shouting)

I've had enough - I've been told I am a bad parent for shouting and that my son will hate me if he doesn't already.

I feel brow beaten and like just saying yes for an easy life.

I have bad hips and am in agony today but dh doesn't understand that or has no sympathy for it. I'm still expected to clean tidy and iron make dinner and run after them.

I'm fed up and in tears

I know I should grow a pair ad tell him where to go but I've no strength left today.

larks35 Sun 18-Nov-12 20:34:10

I feel for you OP, I've had a hard day with my DS, mainly because he woke up at 5.30am after I had already been up with DD at 2am.

WRT the pen lid chewing, I always chewed pens and pencils when young. I agree you should tell your DS not to and why but not worth laying into him about it IMO.

I imagine if you are in pain then you are more likely to feel irritable (lack of sleep did that to me today). Problem is I find that my DS reacts to my irritation by being more annoying so we always have a shit day when I'm tired (as I keep trying to explain to him when he gets up stupidly early!)

WRT your DH's lack of empathy with your bad hips, well don't clean, tidy, iron or make dinner for him/them. In future when you feel that bad, go back to bed and leave them to it, even if it does mean your DS chews a few pens.

Don't feel bad about having been snipey at DS, tomorrow's another day and it won't worry him. It's your DH that needs a good "laying into" but probably best to leave that for when you are feeling stronger.

Have a wine and enjoy some quiet time. DO NOT DO ANY IRONING TONIGHT! Doc Larks orders.

ChablisLover Sun 18-Nov-12 20:36:20

Wasn't being snipey at ds - it was dh

And I laid into dh about the pen chewing not ds

He doesn't seem to be taking me seriously at all

larks35 Sun 18-Nov-12 20:43:19

Oh, sorry totally misunderstood, probably because I was projecting my day with DS on yours!

My final bit of advice still stands, I'm on my second glass now!

Beamur Sun 18-Nov-12 20:47:13

Not ideal, but most pen lids are ventilated, so less likely to cause choking if swallowed - you can also get some with a flip lid that doesn't come off at all - I had some of these when DD was younger to avoid the very thing that's bothering you.
Sounds like this isn't really the issue though...are you feeling tired and irritable because of the pain, or is there a bigger issue here about lack of support from your DP?

apostropheuse Sun 18-Nov-12 20:48:13

I can totally understand you're problem with your son putting pen lids in his mouth. It's not the chewing of the lids as such it's the dangers of choking. I think you were right to go mad about that. Especially if he's not being supervised when DH is supposed to be looking after him.

You may have reacted more than you would have, had you not been in so much pain. However, your DH really ought to have some consideration for you when you're suffering like that. Hip pain can be overpowering and relentless. My son has had bilateral hip problems all his life and it really can be severe at times. (Hip dysplasia on one side and slipped femoral epiphysis on the other).

Your son won't hate you for shouting. If that were the case very few children would love their parents, because I'm sure nobody can say in all honesty that they've never shouted at their children.

Pamper yourself this evening, don't do another thing in the house. Take it easy and take care of yourself only. When you're feeling a bit better then speak to your DH in a calm and reasoned manner and tell him in no uncertain terms that you either get his support or it's not worth being with him. You have enough to do looking after your child and yourself without having to run after another adult too.

Take care.

ChablisLover Sun 18-Nov-12 20:57:52

Thanks all

I know the hip pain makes my mood worse

Having cortisone injections on Wednesday first of two sets to see if it eases pain

I have labral tears and inflammation of the joints - is agony

It the major issue of choking hazards of the pen lids

Ds is constantly doing this and we've said to him on numerous occasion but he just does not listen - he thinks he knows best

Dh - I don't know anymore- he must think I'm some kind of superwoman as the issues go much deeper. He complains about the state (cluttered) of the house. It's not dirty just cluttered and he throws things out he finds no use for so me and ds might need it but as its of no use to him it's clutter

Also he will not lift a finger to help. If I ask its like I've asked him to donate a kidney! It's a whole Rigamorole and the huffing and puffing - it's not worth asking anymore

Just pissed off.
And feeling unappreciated

Would love wine but am driving early in the morning and dh would call me an alcoholic! It's not worth it. May have a hot bath instead and some chocolate (so he can call me chubs)

My dh is a lovely fella isn't he?

E320 Sun 18-Nov-12 21:00:33

Get a life, your ds is 5, quite able to do his own thing.
Don't be so bloody precious.

SuzySheepSmellsNice Sun 18-Nov-12 21:01:31

He does sound like a bit of a git sad Enjoy your lovely bath though smile

ChablisLover Sun 18-Nov-12 21:02:55

That's useful!
Thanks

When my ds has constantly put something in his mouth that can cause him to choke as he has done previously I have every right to get precious

Thanks

Greats advice

ChablisLover Sun 18-Nov-12 21:04:29

That last message was for e320 not Suzy sheep

Suzy i will enjoy my bath

E320 - once again thanks great advice not!

Beamur Sun 18-Nov-12 21:18:50

Your son is old enough to understand what you're saying. I'd put the pens away and only let him have crayons and pencils until he is willing to stop putting the lids in his mouth! If he has choked previously I can understand your anxiety.

ChablisLover Sun 18-Nov-12 21:29:38

Beamur - that's what I've done - all pens are away.

Only pencils and crayons from now on.

He chokes eating too so yes I am anxious about it. It just worries me and also annoys me that ds has been told till I'm blue in the face but he won't listen. It's my job to protect him and I can't do it.

ErikNorseman Sun 18-Nov-12 22:09:47

Your H sounds like a right dick.

giveitago Sun 18-Nov-12 22:15:47

Yes your dh sounds like a dick.

Your posts are suggesting more. Hope you OK.

ChablisLover Sun 18-Nov-12 22:17:07

Erik - yip he has his moments. Usually when it involves him doing something but he is taking a half day to come with me for the injections. But I only think its cos I won't be able to drive home. It involves local anaesthetic and it will invalidate my insurance if I drive.

ChablisLover Sun 18-Nov-12 22:22:03

Giveitago - nope he's just an idiot sometimes

He's never been violent to me or ds just he's a selfish so and so who thinks he is entitled to do bugger all as I only work part time (29 hours out of 37 to me isn't part time) and therefore have time to do it all. I get up at 6 weekdays and if I'm lucky it's 7 at the weekends. I get home and after the homework fight I make tea do the dishes do bath time do bed time and then go to bed myself if I haven't fallen asleep on the chair

I'm shattered and sore but that's all part of being a mum but I just want some help!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Mon 19-Nov-12 06:13:33

Is E320 your DH? wink

Flimflammery Mon 19-Nov-12 06:43:19

This is not about pen lids. It's about you feeling unsupported and undermined by your 'D'H. Are you going to spend the rest of your life being a drudge who is insulted by this man?

BalloonSlayer Mon 19-Nov-12 06:54:28

You can get pens with the lids that stay attached to the ends. these ones.

DS2 had them at the time when I was worried he'd put things in his mouth.

Feel for you. Some people think that just because something hasn't happened it never will.

TheNebulousBoojum Mon 19-Nov-12 06:58:16

What does your OH say when you point out that you are in agony and he should do the ironing and cooking for a couple of weeks, then the jobs should be shared?
He ignores your needs, DS ignores your needs, see a link?
Your OH is being an insensitive and dominant pig, call him on it.

ErikNorseman Mon 19-Nov-12 08:11:41

It's not just 'part of being a mum' to do every damn thing to do with the house and kids when you both work, and your h thinks he has the right to sit on his arse all his spare time, even leaving aside health problems. He doesn't have to beat you up to be a shit partner.

ChablisLover Mon 19-Nov-12 08:48:39

erik - i agree with you and i think things will have to change

He wants another child but I say no cos I can barely cope at the minute and I know how little he did for ds when he was little

He thinks he has this right as he works long hours and pays bills

He must think i do the cooking ironing and cleaning for fun!

and then he gets annoyed when I fall asleep and dont spent time with him

but forgive me for being shattered but if you actually lifted a bloody finger I wouldnt be

he tells me he will do it but on his terms so one day i waited till tea time for the hoovering to be done - ended up doing it myself as i got fed up waiting

ah - getting annoyed now

will work wonders i hope!

Jux Mon 19-Nov-12 09:02:06

Stop ironing. That's one thing that really doesn't need to be done. If dh wants a shirt he can do it himself. Likewise his washing.

You cook, he cleans up.
He does bathtime, you do bedtime. And so on.

You could try producing an invoice eahc week. So many hours cleaning, so many hours childcare, so many hours shopping etc. Maybe if he could see how much it would cost to have somebody else do everything you do, and how many hours it takes, he will value you more. (Mind you, I would then not want him around - a man who only values you according to financial measures isn't worth having.)

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