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To be saddened by teenagers of today

(344 Posts)
dinkybinky Sun 18-Nov-12 16:09:25

Ive just been having a conversation with my niece. Apparently its the norm nowadays to "get with" (kiss)as many boys as possible at teenage parties. Parents even supply alcohol to 14/15 year olds.
Girls like this were called awful names if they behaved in such a way when I was at school, whats changed to make it acceptable?

FromEsme Sun 18-Nov-12 23:05:48

Your son sounds nice flow4

If only all teenage boys were that sensible. Maybe they all are when talking with their mothers.

It starts early, this thinking of women as dirty. The year 3s I teach already do. They look in their Spiderman comic at the "dirty" pictures of women. The men and women characters are all in skintight costumes - obviously, since they're superheroes. But it's only the women who are deemed "dirty" to look at.

It makes me want to cry.

Moominsarescary Mon 19-Nov-12 00:00:04

I think your sons right flow I've had similar conversations with ds1 17.

I do think it's important that teenagers are aware that some girls and boys may suffer from low self esteem and that may sometimes be what motivates them to have sex. I've spoken to ds1 about this, and while I've tried to put across the message that it's better to be in a relationship with someone I'm not nieve enough to think he will always stick to that! Also that he should always be clear of his intentions so noone gets hurt, I had a few friends at school who thought if they slept with a boy he'd like them as much as they liked him.

Also in my younger days i had boys, and men too tell me some right crap thinking it might make me want to sleep with them hmm

sashh Mon 19-Nov-12 00:05:41

If the object is to kiss as many of the opposite sex, regardless of whether you have an attraction to them, as some form of point scoring and popularity system - then it cheapens both sexes.

So you have never worked in a hospital and played the uniform game then. OK, NP.

OP it's not just teenagers.

Moominsarescary Mon 19-Nov-12 00:17:53

I've worked in a hospital but never played the uniform game. What is it? Do you try to kiss as many different uniforms as possible?

lljkk Mon 19-Nov-12 08:19:05

This thread made me stop & think about my own rampant drug use at age 12-13, and my mother's wild youth (1950s, think Grease and ^American Graffiti^). Acts of naughtiness my dad's teenage mum got up to (1940-41). Oh, and Aunt, who was considered wildest of the lot (she's now 90). For instance. Age 12-14 Aunt and some friends were plied with drink by an adult man who subsequently got up to some kind of sexual impropiety with at least one of them. The man was prosecuted for his actions. It was all shushed up who the other girls were, and I only know something happened because of IRATE letter my grandfather (old-fashioned preacher) wrote to my grandmother (she saved all his letters). Grandfather blamed Grandma for being away visiting relatives, THIS WOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU WERE HERE, he thoughtfully informed her.

That was in 1935.

flow4 Mon 19-Nov-12 08:54:13

Parents have always worried, and probably always will.

When I was 16, and had my first boyfriend, and several male friends who were just friends, my mother wrote me a letter telling me that "people still judge a girl by her reputation" and she was worried for mine. That was about 1980.

I suspect that parents still worry, but are less likely to express it now.

FromEsme I think my son probably is reasonably nice, where girls are concerned. He and his peers aged 16-17 suffer from from the fact that many (most?) of the girls their age are going out with older boys/men, or want to be. And younger girls are 'off limits' because they are under age, and the boys are considered 'pervs' if they go near them. Hardly any of the 16-17yo boys I know have girlfriends, and yet they are buzzing with hormones. His only sexual encounters have been casual, because (his words) "That's all he can get", which I do think is a little bit sad.

Justforlaughs Mon 19-Nov-12 15:39:51

wistfully remembering my own tenage years, worrying about my own teenagers. I do think that as a whole teenagers are pretty much what they were when I was younger but I must admit I was a bit shock when I heard about a recent sleepover party where 25 13/14 year old boys "passed round" 3 13/ 14 yo girls all night. I might be naive, but I would not have been happy if that had been my 13 yo daughter.

Witchety Tue 20-Nov-12 14:30:31

What's the uniform game sash?

I'm being naive again aren't I ?

Woozley Tue 20-Nov-12 14:40:37

I'm more saddened by attitudes towards teenagers today, and negative coverage in the media. Most are fantastic, they get such a bad press. It was just the same 20 years ago though, I was reading stuff about teenagers thinking "I don't recognise any of this?!"

dinkybinky Tue 20-Nov-12 17:03:52

I have been asking friends about this, most friends I asked did not kiss as many boys as possible whilst at discos/parties, most thought it disgusting and said that the girls must have a bad name or be slaggy. So the conclusion was that classy girls dont act like slappers, whatever the age.

dinkybinky Tue 20-Nov-12 17:04:32

"Ducking for cover"

MardyArsedMidlander Tue 20-Nov-12 17:07:14

' So the conclusion was that classy girls dont act like slappers, whatever the age. '

Who are the girls kissing then? Each other? Or is it OK for the boys to kiss a 'slapper'?

Moominsarescary Tue 20-Nov-12 17:10:35

Fuck sake

MardyArsedMidlander Tue 20-Nov-12 17:15:30

Actually, I'm glad I snogged a lot of boys in my teenage years- it was damn good fun at the time, I have some very amusing memories and I know what a good kiss is.

fergoose Tue 20-Nov-12 17:18:05

Mardy - I wish I had snogged a lot more smile

greeneyed Tue 20-Nov-12 17:26:00

I'd have been hard pushed to snog anymore if I tried! I couldn't have given a rats arse about being classy, I was having fun. Had a school reunion recently don't think anyone thought I was a slapper, though I couldn't give a flying fuck if they did - did feel a mad urge to go around the room snogging everyone though smile those were the days!

MardyArsedMidlander Tue 20-Nov-12 17:28:41

And if I ever had had a daughter, I would have warned her to steer well clear of nasty little misogynists who snog girls and then call them slappers angry

fergoose Tue 20-Nov-12 17:34:22

I hope my daughter has as much fun as we did at her age - and me and my friends never got called slappers

RichardSimmonsTankTop Tue 20-Nov-12 17:38:45

"slappers", "slaggy"

Am far more revolted by a grown woman calling young girls names like this than by a bunch of teenagers snogging each other. Grim.

dinkybinky Tue 20-Nov-12 17:43:10

me and my friends never got called slappers

To your face.

I remember a girl growing up who lived in the not so nice part of town all the boys called her the bike. I met someone from years ago yesterday and he asked me If I remembered the bike, so once you get a bad name it does stay with you whether you believe it or not.

FromEsme Tue 20-Nov-12 17:46:03

dinkybinky what you don't seem to grasp is that some of us couldn't care less if we have a "bad name". If someone is so immature and petty that they judge me by the number of people I've had sex with, great. I will know that they are not my type of person.

My partner certainly isn't bothered, and that's all that matters to me. And I would never be with someone who was bothered.

fergoose Tue 20-Nov-12 17:49:20

wow - dinkybinky - I guess you have issues. Snogging a few, several or lots of boys at a party doesn't make me or anyone else a slapper or a bike thanks. We were young, having fun, exploring, etc. Nobody got hurt. I hope my daughter and her mates can enjoy the same sort of fun which we did - looking back it was all quite innocent really. Uncomplicated and fun.

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 20-Nov-12 17:52:54

So dinkybinky as well as utterly odd views on what teenage girls should and shouldn't be doing,you make fun of poor people too?

"A girl from the not so nice part of town".


pointythings Tue 20-Nov-12 18:04:27

dinkybinky what you don't seem to want to understand is that the reputation problem is entirely in the minds of the people who are making the nasty comments about people's reputations. And this will never change until female sexuality is no longer thought of as something dirty. By holding the views you do, you, just like another poster above, are part of the problem. So you can either carry on judging and being a female misogynist, or you can change your attitudes, step away from your judgemental mindset and become a real woman.

catgirl1976 Tue 20-Nov-12 18:19:58

dinky - just so you know, using words like "slappers" to descrie other women marks you out as being very much the opposite of the "classy", which you seem to so badly aspire to be.


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