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to complain?

(21 Posts)
whatatwat Sun 18-Nov-12 15:56:35

well, not to complain, but to say i wasn't happy?
dds teacher told me she thought dd should be in a gymnastics club of some kind when i went to parents eve. i said oh really? i will look into it.
then at pick up from after school club, same teacher said again, have you looked into gymnastics? she would be good. again i said, thanks, i have been thinking about it.
then on thursday dd comes out of school, really hyper, with a not from the ta, all the details of the club her own dd goes to, the times, dates, costs and number of the organiser, along with the note that she has already told the instructor to expect a call from me, and she has asked if there is a space, which there is.
i thought it was over stepping the mark, dd thought that meant it was a forgone conclusion. it was not!
dd has problems with her joints, and i was waiting to speak to the hosp at her next app to see if gym would be ok for her or not.
i hadnt told her that i was unsure she could do it or not, i didnt want to tell her yes or no before i checked it out.
so i spoke to the teacher and said i wanted the matter dropped. what my dd does or does not attend outside of school is not their concern. and that i thoguth they needed to drop it. she didnt look pleased, said she thought dd deserved the chance.
on friday the teacher said to dd that it was a shame that she wasnt allowed to do gymnastics.
in my mind, its not that ive said no, but i wont say yes till i know the effect on her health!
so was i U? or shuld i pull them up on bringing it up with dd again?

nannyl Sun 18-Nov-12 15:59:32

yanbu!

SchroSawMummyRidingSantaClaus Sun 18-Nov-12 16:00:55

Teacher probably thinks she is being helpful but she is definitely overstepping boundaries.

What if without other problems you couldn't afford it?

Out of curiosity, what joint problems does your DD have? JW as I have EDS and was told by physio the worst thing I done for my hypermobility was leave gymnastics. Obviously that wouldn't be the same for all joint problems.

OpheliaPayneAgain Sun 18-Nov-12 16:02:13

What effect on her health are you anticipating?

simplesusan Sun 18-Nov-12 16:02:35

I would hold off until you have the go-ahead from your doctor. As far as I was aware gymnastics and problem joints do not mix ( I will stand corrected on this though!)
I do think it is good of the teacher and ta to recoginise talent though.

(Sits on fence).

catkind Sun 18-Nov-12 16:03:02

That was out of order. Great that they've spotted a talent and let you know, but they shouldn't put your daughter in a position where she will be disappointed. And the last comment frankly smacks of stirring trouble.
I'd let them know your reason for delaying and the effect their interference has had, then they may be more tactful next time.

SchroSawMummyRidingSantaClaus Sun 18-Nov-12 16:03:38

Simple Depends on the problems with the joints. If it's hypermobility then it actually helps as you strengthen your core and learn to support your joints properly.

Would obviously be different for the likes of arthritis.

DameFanny Sun 18-Nov-12 16:03:41

If hypermobile, gym will be good for developing strength but everyone involved needs to know of the potential problems of your dd working at the end of her range.

So Yanbu to complain - the school needs to be more sensitive about this.

whatatwat Sun 18-Nov-12 16:04:28

she is hypermobile, has fallen arches and a dodgy knee, she has also had 5 ops on her leg.
hosp told me to get her swimming, to strengthen then legs.
she cant walk far without inserts and if she does she is in pain.
she has never done any gymnastics, she is 9 now.
gymnastics might be fine and a good idea, but until i have spoke to the hosp about her, i wont make that decision.

MammaTJ Sun 18-Nov-12 16:07:29

Did you at any point explain that you are hesitating because of her hypermobility?

Did you tell you DD that?

You haven't mentioned that you did, but I am hoping that the school do at least know about it.

SchroSawMummyRidingSantaClaus Sun 18-Nov-12 16:08:19

That's fine and I would be worried after all the ops. I have fallen arches too, completely fallen and always wear inserts and am extremely hypermobile.

We didn't notice the problems till I was a bit older, probably because I was always in gymnastics.

Btw, I was also told by loads of Drs and the hospital to go swimming, I later found out from physio if you have hypermobile shoulders this will make it worse.

You should complain about the teacher but also, if you get the all clear from the hospital you should really take her to gymnastics, maybe not the one the teacher has suggested but it could be very good for her and save a lot of pain later if she is allowed to do it.

whatatwat Sun 18-Nov-12 16:08:46

yeah, the school are well aware of the hospital visits, and why ( i had to get them to agree to her being allowed to change shoes when she got new inserts) they compained that she had to have them in school hours...

PurpleRayne Sun 18-Nov-12 16:08:56

It isn't clear that the teacher actually knows there are health issues? If she does then perhaps you should remind her (again), as presumably it may be relevant for school activities?

NatashaBee Sun 18-Nov-12 16:10:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Svrider Sun 18-Nov-12 16:11:28

As others have said teacher is out of order
What decisions you take outside of school are yours
If teacher mentions it again definetly complain

ballstoit Sun 18-Nov-12 16:11:31

YANBU. Teacher and TA are massively overstepping the mark, good of them to inform you she shows promise at gymnastics but beyond that it's all your decision.

Maybe I'm being cynical but DSs football training offers free sessions to anyone who refers a friend...

whatatwat Sun 18-Nov-12 16:11:43

no idea why to be honest. she enjoys other things far more. its not like she has ever mentioned it before they did.

IDontDoIroning Sun 18-Nov-12 16:13:07

How rude and insensitive of the teacher and TA. You may not be is a position for her to do outside clubs like this for any number of reasons such as other dc, prior committments, finance, time, your job, transport, etc let alone something like her health.

They really overstepped the mark and I would be fuming.

They have lead her to believe she was going and now you've stopped her for trivial reasons.

I would be very worried about their motivation too if the TA has a child in the club she may get rewarded by getting new recruits, the club may care more about money and subs fees that the welfare and suitability of the activity. Numbers may be low and they need new recruits. If do they should advertise properly. I would be reluctant to let my child do this type if activity if this is an example if how professionally it is operated. Surely the coach thought it odd you didn't get in contact yourself?

Basically they have emotionally manipulated a child and tried to emotionally blackmail you.

MrsDeVere Sun 18-Nov-12 16:16:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whatatwat Sun 18-Nov-12 16:16:29

honestly, after seeing the cost for a 12 week term, so 12 lessons each 1 hr
£110 lessons
£20 reg fee
£18 insurance
i dont even think we can afford it anyway!

MummytoKatie Sun 18-Nov-12 17:07:41

Gymnastics is ridiculously expensive. Plus if your dd is any good then she will need to do a lot more than an hour a week. By the age of 9 I was doing 8 - 10 hours training a week and I wasn't even that good! (Ranked about 3rd in the county for my age I think.)

It was very good for me in some ways - my self discipline is ridiculous even now. And I am a very successful adult - partially as a result of it. But in other ways looking back I would say that what was done to me - and to all of us - would nowadays be seen as bordering on abuse. Being screamed at until we cried for not doing a move correctly. Being made to do things that terrified us or caused significant pain. Being weighed every week whilst going through puberty.

I loved gymnastics - I think I was addicted to it. But I can also remember being in the car on the way hoping that the car would crash so I wouldn't have to go. And the worst bit - had my mum known how unhappy I often was there she would have told me to stop. So I never told her.

So no YANBU and not doing gymnastics seems like a good thing to me.

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