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To feel like it's too late

(13 Posts)
lazycoconutree Sun 18-Nov-12 14:51:37

Dh and I have 2 amazing DDs.

I always wanted a large family and DH didn't want any children. He was content to have only 1 child, but understood my need to have another.
He adores both DDs, and is adamant that we are complete as a family.

About two years ago I really desperately felt broody and very reluctantly DH agreed. Unfortunately we didn't conceive.
Given that both DDs had been conceived naturally, I sought help, saw a specialist tried all sorts of scans hormone shots etc to increase our chances of conceiving. Whilst DH was supportive/sympathetic of the procedures he refused to get himself tested or go thru any processes to help us conceive.

Fast forward to today and I still feel like our family is incomplete. I love my DDs, and am truly grateful to have them in our lives.

DH just doesn't understand why I get broody and upset.
He feels that we tried, it didn't work, there's a reason.

For him ttc is completely off the agenda.
I get the logic. DDs are at a great age, we're finally getting time again as a couple, our lives are full. I'm really too old to be starting with nappies again. And we really can't afford to have 3 dc and maintain our current lifestyle of not being constantly stuggling.
So i get the logic. But I feel like I'm giving up on such a big part of my dreams.
Please slap me and tell me this broodiness will pass??

PeggyCarter Sun 18-Nov-12 15:27:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LucieMay Sun 18-Nov-12 15:34:04

I'm single and 32 with one ds and sometimes feel broody, my family is far smaller and far less complete than yours. I have a couple of friends my age, also single, but sadly with no children, and they are very broody and don't know if they'll ever find a decent bloke and have a baby. What I'm saying is a cliche but very relevant in this case, count your blessings, you are extremely lucky and many people would love to be in your situation. I even understand how blessed I am, whenever I feel sad at not having a partner or more children.

Everlong Sun 18-Nov-12 15:40:19

That must be hard for you. I can't say I understand how you feel as I conceived easily and by saying just get on with it won't help you.

There are however lots of good things about children getting older. It makes your life a little stress less, you have more time for you and your DH to spend together, as in you can have a cup of coffee and a chat in one room while they are in another etc. Go out as a family without the restrictions of a baby etc.

If your dh is adamant he's done I think you have to think about this. All the time you're upset and anxious about not having another baby you're wasting on all the nice things in your life.

Do you think counselling might help you?

MrsBW Sun 18-Nov-12 15:44:34

It could be worse...my husband and I can't have children of our own.

Hoping you find a resolution.

How old are your DD's? I was incredibly broody after my 2 DS's for about 6 years, but like you, my DH didn't want any initially, so i sadly, had to accept that my family was complete. it did get easier after that time, and when i accidentally fell pregnant when my youngestDS was 9 I seriously contemplated terminating the pregnancy as I did then feel my family was complete, and we had moved on from baby things, and i was enjoying the new stage in our lives.

So what I am clumsily trying to say is that if your DD's are young you may 'grow out' of your broodiness as they grow up.

gobbin Sun 18-Nov-12 16:07:44

Be grateful for what you've got, including the love of your partner.

lazycoconutree Sun 18-Nov-12 17:07:22

Joyful, thanks I actually read the original thread, and yes it's logical and it makes sense, but it doesn't help with how I'm feeling, did you find that too?

Sausage and ever long, DDs are 6 and 3 and at the stage where they need me less. I always wanted a large family and knew in these financial times it probably wasn't practical. Plus the toll that scans and shots took on me was horrendous, so sadly I really think this is the end of the road for me.

I am grateful for everything have. I know how lucky I am, but I'm also sad that I have to let go of wanting another dc and move on.
I know I will, I just feel like itsvthe end of a chapter that I don't want ending like this sad

Everlong Sun 18-Nov-12 17:13:23

I think a lot of women feel like this tbh. I did after ds5, I would have had another baby, easy. But then ds1 died very suddenly and it then became very clear that I didn't want another baby. And that was that.

I hope you can find some peace thanks and truly enjoy your girls.

Everlong Sun 18-Nov-12 17:15:48

Sorry that last bit didn't sound right. Of course you enjoy your girls now I just mean that you can move on and not feel like something is missing smile

NoraGainesborough Sun 18-Nov-12 18:09:38

My mum says she still gets broody now. She is almost 60. She misses having young children.
its hard but you have 2, what if you have a third and then you want another. Your dh has compromised but I get that he is drawing the line.

lazycoconutree Sun 18-Nov-12 18:46:08

Nora, that's what dh says! Because I was. Sure that 2 would be enough.
I just wish this broodiness would pass...

withjamin Sun 18-Nov-12 18:56:24

Having babies is, let's face it, a-bleeding-mazing. I keep telling myself it will always be hard to say never again to that unbelievably massive excitement/intensity of holding my my tiny baby for the first time. there has to be a grieving process, just as there does if you can't have children at all. It's a big deal so don't feel bad about finding it hard. I'd second everlong on the counselling esp if you and dh are in diff emotional places.

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