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AIBU?

to sometimes feel a little sad - or something - that I'll never be with another girl again?

47 replies

TimeMakesYouBolder · 17/11/2012 20:45

Namechanged, for obvious reasons. If anybody recognises me - please don't out me. (no pun intended...)

I'm 23, 4 year old DD with a wonderful husband. We are so happy, despite ups and downs, and we have been together for almost 5 years.

Before DH and I got together, I was seeing my then female best friend. It wasn't so much a relationship, more we slept together quite a bit and had the occasional kiss just in her car etc. It was a strange kind of thing, we were best friends first - the rest was just 'something we did'. At the time, I honestly never thought more of it. I guess I was just a bit of a free spirit, I wouldn't have even considered myself bi-sexual. We no longer speak, she got weird with me after I got married and I think that she found things difficult. I don't know.

In the past year or so, I have realised that I am bi-sexual. DH knows, he's known the whole time about what happened with my friend - who he also knew. But I kind of feel sometimes like i'm 'missing' something. Please don't get me wrong, I adore my DH, I really truly do. And this actually feels like a totally separate thing, which might not make sense.

I just miss it, I'm still curious I guess and I sometimes almost crave it. Will this go away? I am fully committed to my DH, 100%. I have no intention of trying to act on it - but I feel this urge from time to time. Not for other men, just women. I'm only 23 and the thought of feeling like this forever exhausts me. It will go away, right? Anybody feel similar?

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squeakytoy · 17/11/2012 20:49

If you were 100% committed to your husband you shouldnt feel like you are missing something.

You got married very young and probably didnt really know what you wanted out of life at 19...

AKissIsNotAContract · 17/11/2012 20:50

I'm bisexual and couldn't have settled down young as I was too busy having fun to commit to one person. I'm now 30 and am totally ready to be monogamous with my husband-to-be. Do you think you might have married too young? Would your DH like the idea of you being with other women?

Nigglenaggle · 17/11/2012 20:50

Thats what I think too. If he's the one you should be so head over heels you don't feel you're missing anything.

Nigglenaggle · 17/11/2012 20:51

Thought I was posting after squeaky there

Llareggub · 17/11/2012 20:53

Have you posted this before? I am sure I have read something similar. Might be worth checking through the search function to see what comes up.

TimeMakesYouBolder · 17/11/2012 20:56

No, Llareggub I haven't. I'll have a look though, thanks.

I do genuinely love him very much. I feel bad for even feeling this way, I'm hoping it will go away.

He's great about the whole thing, but he wouldn't be happy with me going ahead and doing it. It's still cheating, after all.

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TraineeBabyCatcher · 17/11/2012 20:59

Time I kinda get how you feel, I love dp to bits and want to spend my life with him but I think I am bi-curious and do occasionally wonder what it would be like being with a women.

FromEsme · 17/11/2012 21:01

I had a very similar situation with my best friend when I was a teenager, snogging, touching, but never defining our relationship. When I got together with my first boyfriend, she was pissed off and sort of drifted away but I didn't twig until much later that maybe the relationship was something more than I realised at the time.

You're very young to have settled down so early.

I have a male partner now but I'm not sure we'll last. To be honest, I'd feel sad about never being with another woman again. Or if I got with a woman, never being with another man. My partner and I will sometimes sleep with another woman, but it's not really the same thing. Could that be an option?

TimeMakesYouBolder · 17/11/2012 21:01

Thanks trainee, that's how I feel. Have you spoken to your DP about it? I know for sure that DH is who I want to spend my life with, although I know it sounds ridiculous this 'urge' feels like something completely separate. It's a totally different experience though, I think.

I would never cheat etc, I'm just hoping this feeling will disappear in time.

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WorraLiberty · 17/11/2012 21:02

Isn't that the same for everyone though?

When you get married, if you find yourself fancying other people you just ignore it don't you?

TimeMakesYouBolder · 17/11/2012 21:05

FromEsme sounds like an identical situation! That's just what it was like.

That's the thing, I could never imagine not being with DH, or any man. So it's a bit of a tough one, isn't it? I think it would feel like 'missing' something either way.

Do you mean a threesome? Hmm - not something I'm sure I could handle! In theory I like the idea, but I'd be scared of the reality.

We did get married young, but we had DD (not planned, but very much a lovely surprise!) and we have been friends since we were 16. This is just how it happened, and we are happy. It's true though, I didn't consider myself bisexual back then, I was a bit naive probably.

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TraineeBabyCatcher · 17/11/2012 21:06

Not directly. He knows I have thought about it previously but I don't think he's not aware that I still occasionally think about it now. We are both young aswell.

TimeMakesYouBolder · 17/11/2012 21:06

That's what I'm hoping Worra that it's just simply a normal thing and nothing more.

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TimeMakesYouBolder · 17/11/2012 21:13

Are you trainee? It's tough isn't it? Just something that I need to try and get over, I guess. Would your DP mind you doing it?

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lovebunny · 17/11/2012 21:15

Thats what I think too. If he's the one you should be so head over heels you don't feel you're missing anything.
claptrap. i didn't think anyone would trot out this stuff nowadays. just shows that women are still being hoodwinked.
you are human. you could just as easily 'miss' boys as girls. people in long term relationships get that feeling sometimes. doesn't mean you don't love your partner or that you want to be unfaithful. all life involves some compromise. if you can live with the loss of girls for the sake of your relationship, that makes you more mature and solid than if you were 'head over heels', not less so.

FromEsme · 17/11/2012 21:16

We go to Torture Garden a lot. Other people are involved. Not everyone's cup of tea, but we enjoy it. I never feel insecure about it, which is weird, because I'm really insecure in a lot of ways.

I don't know if it's exactly the same as just not being with another man if you're straight. I rarely look at other men, but I look at other women a lot. I miss the simplicity of being with a woman, I find it a lot easier in some ways.

TimeMakesYouBolder · 17/11/2012 21:17

Wow, thanks lovebunny - I'm actually a little relieved to hear you say that! I do think that surely all long term relationships involve compromise of some kind?

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TimeMakesYouBolder · 17/11/2012 21:18

Yeah, that's the same as me FromEsme I never think about other men. Not interested. Women, however...

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mrskeithrichards · 17/11/2012 21:25

Does your dh know?

I had a similar set up to you pre dh and was open about it with him. It turned him on (surprise surprise) and we spoke it about it a lot and in time progressed from fantasy to reality via some swinging sites and have had lots of fun.

BarredfromhavingStella · 17/11/2012 21:25

Think there's a difference in fancying someone & ignoring it and feeling you're missing out though tbh.......

MajesticWhine · 17/11/2012 21:26

I am (somewhat) bisexual and long term married to a man. Giving up being with women is no different to giving up other men, from my point of view. I used to think that fancying women was different, or an urge that must be satisfied but i have come to think is kind of a lazy excuse to mess around. Monogamy is not easy - doesn't matter whether you fancy men or women or both.

mrskeithrichards · 17/11/2012 21:27

And for me I wouldn't class myself as bi sexual as I wouldn't want to be in a proper relationship with another woman if that makes sense. Bi playful!

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TraineeBabyCatcher · 17/11/2012 21:27

Were both 20. He couldn't deal with it, we have talked about a 3some but he says he couldn't share me, with anyone, a male or female, which is fair enough.
Maybe I am just curious tho as I have never fancied a women but I have thought about wanting to do things with one.

TimeMakesYouBolder · 17/11/2012 21:29

Thanks Majestic, that is actually exactly what I want to hear.

I'm not sure if I could do the swinging thing..we do talk about it in a fantasy way but I'm a bit too insecure to see my DH with another woman for real. I don't know that I could handle it.

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TimeMakesYouBolder · 17/11/2012 21:30

Thats kind of my DH's view too Trainee, I can understand it.

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