Someone else buying your daughter her first bra!!!

[bamboozled]

Am I over thinking this (I think not but...) to be incandescent with rage that my ex husbands girlfriend bought my daughter her first bra...
She went for a mid week overnight visit, as usual in her crop top - aged 11, nearly 12 and came home in her first bra that the girlfriend saw fit to buy her without any discussion with me or my daughter... She didn't even mention it to her, just took away her crop top that night and left a bra on her school uniform for her to wear the next day... I am so hurt - there are some things you only do with your mother - surely

[StuntGirl]

I'd be more annoyed about the weird subtle swap she did. How bloody odd!

Doea your daughter actually need a bra?

[StuntGirl]

*does

[bamboozled]

Not yet - nearly there but not yet and not without me!

[lovebunny]

i would imagine the girlfriend found having an unrestrained developing girl in the household embarrassing and didn't know how to approach it. she might have had bitter experience of her own, if she had been left without a bra when she needed one.

[StuntGirl]

Well if she doesn't need one and hasn't asked then the girlfriend is just being silly. Maybe have a word with your ex about it?

[ElectricMonk]

I'd find it very odd - surely it can't even fit properly, if she hasn't been measured? Was your daughter okay with the weird substitution thing, and does she want to wear a bra?

[bamboozled]

Rather embarrassed and feeling very awkward about it.
Was the wrong size too...

[thebody]

If your dd had asked her to buy one and you were the type of mom who wasn't interested then that's one thing.

Here though as your dd didn't ask and she took her top away I would be very very very angry and to he honest it's a bit wierd and yeukky!!!

Why is your ex dh girlfriend even noticing your dds boobs?

Go talk to your dh and make sure this weirdo is out in her place.

[5dcsinneedofacleaner]

It sounds like the girlfriend was trying to do something nice - bond somehow with your dd. Maybe misguided but I think it sounds like more of a misunderstanding of the situation rather than something planned to upset or make you angry.

[MyLittleFireBird]

I am so hurt - there are some things you only do with your mother - surely
My older half-sister bought me my first bra, and when it was actually time to get my first bras (plural), it was absolutely not a mother-daughter bonding session at all. I didn't want them and urgh. I would probably be a bit annoyed and irritated if I were you, but surely there will be many far more significant moments than this.

[bamboozled]

Def not unrestrained and developing , we are talking Keira Knightley not Dolly Parton...

[bamboozled]

Yes,mother, sister, etc, but not fathers girlfriend

[StuntGirl]

To be honest OP - I get you want to be the first to buy her one but I honestly couldn't give a rat's ass about that aspect. It isn't some sacred right. But I get that its important to you.

But I would be incandescant about her putting your daughter in an awkward and uncomfortable position. I would be annoyed about her assuming what your daughter wants/needs without actually speaking to her. I would be annoyed about her trying to make your daughter wear an ill-fitting bra. And I would be very, very bloody annoyed about her removing the crop top, and therefore your daughter's choice into her own underwear.

[bamboozled]

Yes, binned it, back in her crop top and will see what she comes home with on Monday after the weekend there - ear piercing??

[StuntGirl]

What did your daughter say about it OP?

[bamboozled]

Yes, it's putting her in a really awkward position where she didn't how to do the whole - 'do up round your tummy and spin it round thing that you do' - daffy thing that she is :)

[thebody]

Stunt out it very well.

[bamboozled]

Her main stress was that she didn't know where her crop top had gone, and this was pink and showed through her school shirt so she had to keep her jumper on all day.

[combinearvester]

Erm there is one person that people don't seem to have mentioned - your ex-H?
What was he doing in all this? Did he ask girlfriend to do it / approve the shopping trip?

Also how do we know your daughter didn't ask for her first bra and the girlfriend just gave in? She might feel uncomfortable asking you for it and more comfortable talking to someone who is less close, sees her less as a child etc.

[TinyDancingHoofer]

This sounds more like a weird misunderstanding unless the GF has previous. Maybe your ex thought she needed one and mentioned to his GF . It is just a bit odd really, maybe have a chat with her or your ex?