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Someone else buying your daughter her first bra!!!

(99 Posts)
bamboozled Sat 17-Nov-12 17:36:09

Am I over thinking this (I think not but...) to be incandescent with rage that my ex husbands girlfriend bought my daughter her first bra...
She went for a mid week overnight visit, as usual in her crop top - aged 11, nearly 12 and came home in her first bra that the girlfriend saw fit to buy her without any discussion with me or my daughter... She didn't even mention it to her, just took away her crop top that night and left a bra on her school uniform for her to wear the next day... I am so hurt - there are some things you only do with your mother - surely

Terrywoganstrousers Sat 17-Nov-12 18:50:22

How do you know it wasn't your XH if nothing was mentioned? Just wondering why all the assumptions it must be the GF?

ArbitraryUsername Sat 17-Nov-12 18:51:31

I think my aunt bought me my first bra. My parents were separated and my dad would usually just dump me at my grandparents because he's a feckless arsehole. My aunt and big cousin took me to M&S for a fitting and bought me two bras. It never occurred to me until now that this probably pissed my mum off. In fact, that was probably the intention.

bamboozled Sat 17-Nov-12 18:52:50

Pretty sure this is the intention here - didn't work - much....

ArbitraryUsername Sat 17-Nov-12 18:58:42

I think the thing to do is to rise above it, really.

I can't imagine buying someone else a bra. I have to try them on before I buy them as the sizing is always idiosyncratic, so I'd assume everyone else would want to do the same.

Narked Sat 17-Nov-12 19:05:12

Your poor DD. That's just bloody weird. Taking her crop top and leaving a completely unsolicited ,random pink bra??? She must have felt so uncomfortable, both literally and figuratively.

picturesinthefirelight Sat 17-Nov-12 19:13:34

I won't with my best friend to buy my first bra. However I did get measured in a shop.

Very Wierd buying one without knowing her size - & pink!!!!!!

LemonBreeland Sat 17-Nov-12 19:17:21

It is very wierd to take away a childs clothes they are comfortable in a put something else in it's place without discussion. Clearly your dd does not feel comfortable enough to ask her dad or gf where the crop top had gone.

pigletmania Sat 17-Nov-12 20:05:56

YANBU at all. She had no right doing that. If she had concerns she should ave spoken to dp about it and then he would have spoken to you. Ditch the bra and tell yor ex that she is not to buy any bra and tht you are very unhappy about it. That is overstepping the mark

NatashaGurdin Sat 17-Nov-12 20:07:31


The do up, twist round action is I think often used by left handers as it can be quite difficult to do up a bra at the back if you favour your left hand, I am basing this on a small sample though! I do it this way and I have seen my DSIL do it this way as well and we are both left handed. smile

lovebunny Sat 17-Nov-12 20:10:52

just a thought - is this your daughter's way of telling you she needs bras? could she have got one and used the gf as a cover story?

fuzzpig Sat 17-Nov-12 20:14:30

Haha sorry OP am quite content with just the one husband, ta grin

I only just noticed the bit about not wanting her to ruin their time by contacting you. Fucking hell.

Uppermid Sat 17-Nov-12 20:15:32

So this might be a stupid question but at what point should you be looking at getting first bra? Dd1 has small bumps (noooooooo I want her to remain my baby!!) I'm sure not enough yet, but when?!

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 17-Nov-12 20:23:40

That would make me cross as well, it's weird the way it was done, just taking her other underwear!

Brycie Sat 17-Nov-12 20:25:27

Just responding to op.

That's a bit weird.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 17-Nov-12 20:26:49

Uppermid, when she asks or if she needs support.

If your weirded out by it look on amazon for something like a ahh bra they do packs of 3 loads of different colours they are supportive but not firm support,they look like vests.

Brycie Sat 17-Nov-12 20:27:17

It kind of says, I've noticed your teenage knockers and I'm going to do something about them. I mean it just says - I've noticed your breasts. It's odd.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 17-Nov-12 20:29:19

That should work and was the sort of thing I ment,they also do blue pink red all sorts of colours

ccarpenton Sat 17-Nov-12 20:30:35

I you and your ex are not on speaking terms, then there may be more to this story.

If the flow of information between you and your ex is okay, then the new girlfriend has done something very wrong here.

However - to be on the safe side - this may be an opportunity to find out how your daughter feels about the whole bra thing. Maybe you're about to find out that she feels more comfortable speaking to the new girlfriend about these matters and you need to work on your dialogue approach with your daughter.

If you already have a great and open relationship with your daughter, then please refer back to paragraph 2 of my message. ;)

bamboozled Sat 17-Nov-12 20:48:33

Paragraph 2 works - my dd is very frank and upfront about life. Sadly not a new gf, been around for 4 years - just doesn't like me much...
Fuzzoig - I know, wtf!
Not weirded out about her needing a bra, when she needs it.. I'm pretty well endowed - bruises on my knees these days so v happy to bra her up when she needs it -

Enfyshedd Sat 17-Nov-12 21:17:59

I asked my DM if I could have a bra when I started comp - I didn't like my crop tops (the lacy trim itched) and I didn't want to be wearing vests in the changing rooms for PE. First bra was a 28AA..., now 38FF blush

It's totally not on sneaking into your DD's room and taking her stuff (while she was sleeping?) I like the idea of sending back the bra with a note saying it must have been mixed up with your DD's stuff by accident. Meanwhile, maybe ask your DD if she would like to go for a bra fitting.

HoolioHallio Sat 17-Nov-12 21:23:22

Totally odd. Your poor DD. Does this woman have children of her own?

RoadrunnerMeepMeep Sat 17-Nov-12 21:43:28

I agree that this sounds a bit odd, especially her throwing the old crop top away. However I sort of found myself in a situation with dsd who was 12 at the time. She moved in with us suddenly and contact with her mother was reduced to 1 day a month. She only had 2 crop top type bras with her which she had had for over a year (and quite clearly needed some better support iyswim) I had asked dh (her father) if he would ask her nan to take her bra shopping as I felt at the time mine and dsd's relationship was not comfortable enough and could have embarrassing for her. Unfortunately mil became ill so could not take her be shopping so in the end I bought her a selection of different bra sizes and types and gave them to her to try.

I don't really see why your ex's girlfriend would do something like that when your dd clearly has a mother looking out for her growing up needs. The only reason I did what I did was because dsd had no one else to do it. Well I guess dh could have but think she would have found bra shopping with her dad really really embarrassing!

MammaTJ Sat 17-Nov-12 21:44:02

As a step mum (a while ago), I would not have dared to go and buy the first bra!! I left that to her mum and she took her sister too and they bought one and shoplifted one. hmm

TBF, she has not bought your DD her first bra, it did not fit, it was not suitable!! Do not worry about it!! xx

Moominsarescary Sat 17-Nov-12 21:56:12

Bit odd I think

I remember shopping in asda with dsd and her asking for some crop tops, I had been thinking she was getting to the point of needing some. Made dp talk to her mum first though to check it was ok

socharlotte Sat 17-Nov-12 22:04:43

There is something fishy here.I don't think your DD is being completely straight with you
My DD is in Y7 and all the girls wear bras.i am wondering if your DD has been feeling embarassed about not having one and talked to your Exs GF about this.I mean how would she know what size to get if your DD hadn't co-operated and why would she have taken her crop top away.What would she have done with it?

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