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Someone else buying your daughter her first bra!!!

(99 Posts)
bamboozled Sat 17-Nov-12 17:36:09

Am I over thinking this (I think not but...) to be incandescent with rage that my ex husbands girlfriend bought my daughter her first bra...
She went for a mid week overnight visit, as usual in her crop top - aged 11, nearly 12 and came home in her first bra that the girlfriend saw fit to buy her without any discussion with me or my daughter... She didn't even mention it to her, just took away her crop top that night and left a bra on her school uniform for her to wear the next day... I am so hurt - there are some things you only do with your mother - surely

StuntGirl Sat 17-Nov-12 17:37:37

I'd be more annoyed about the weird subtle swap she did. How bloody odd!

Doea your daughter actually need a bra?

StuntGirl Sat 17-Nov-12 17:37:48


bamboozled Sat 17-Nov-12 17:38:29

Not yet - nearly there but not yet and not without me!

usualsuspect3 Sat 17-Nov-12 17:39:33

I wouldn't be happy either.

What does your DD think?

usualsuspect3 Sat 17-Nov-12 17:40:06

How did she know what size to buy?

lovebunny Sat 17-Nov-12 17:40:46

i would imagine the girlfriend found having an unrestrained developing girl in the household embarrassing and didn't know how to approach it. she might have had bitter experience of her own, if she had been left without a bra when she needed one.

StuntGirl Sat 17-Nov-12 17:40:54

Well if she doesn't need one and hasn't asked then the girlfriend is just being silly. Maybe have a word with your ex about it?

ElectricMonk Sat 17-Nov-12 17:41:10

I'd find it very odd - surely it can't even fit properly, if she hasn't been measured? Was your daughter okay with the weird substitution thing, and does she want to wear a bra?

bamboozled Sat 17-Nov-12 17:41:12

Rather embarrassed and feeling very awkward about it.
Was the wrong size too...

thebody Sat 17-Nov-12 17:42:06

If your dd had asked her to buy one and you were the type of mom who wasn't interested then that's one thing.

Here though as your dd didn't ask and she took her top away I would be very very very angry and to he honest it's a bit wierd and yeukky!!!

Why is your ex dh girlfriend even noticing your dds boobs?

Go talk to your dh and make sure this weirdo is out in her place.

5dcsinneedofacleaner Sat 17-Nov-12 17:42:39

It sounds like the girlfriend was trying to do something nice - bond somehow with your dd. Maybe misguided but I think it sounds like more of a misunderstanding of the situation rather than something planned to upset or make you angry.

MyLittleFireBird Sat 17-Nov-12 17:43:03

I am so hurt - there are some things you only do with your mother - surely
My older half-sister bought me my first bra, and when it was actually time to get my first bras (plural), it was absolutely not a mother-daughter bonding session at all. I didn't want them and urgh. I would probably be a bit annoyed and irritated if I were you, but surely there will be many far more significant moments than this.

bamboozled Sat 17-Nov-12 17:43:22

Def not unrestrained and developing , we are talking Keira Knightley not Dolly Parton...

usualsuspect3 Sat 17-Nov-12 17:44:04

I would just bin it and let her continue with her crop tops.Have a word with your ex if you are on civil terms.

I think the OP would notice if her DD needed or wanted a bra. Lovebunny

bamboozled Sat 17-Nov-12 17:45:28

Yes,mother, sister, etc, but not fathers girlfriend

StuntGirl Sat 17-Nov-12 17:46:59

To be honest OP - I get you want to be the first to buy her one but I honestly couldn't give a rat's ass about that aspect. It isn't some sacred right. But I get that its important to you.

But I would be incandescant about her putting your daughter in an awkward and uncomfortable position. I would be annoyed about her assuming what your daughter wants/needs without actually speaking to her. I would be annoyed about her trying to make your daughter wear an ill-fitting bra. And I would be very, very bloody annoyed about her removing the crop top, and therefore your daughter's choice into her own underwear.

bamboozled Sat 17-Nov-12 17:47:19

Yes, binned it, back in her crop top and will see what she comes home with on Monday after the weekend there - ear piercing??

StuntGirl Sat 17-Nov-12 17:48:28

What did your daughter say about it OP?

bamboozled Sat 17-Nov-12 17:49:41

Yes, it's putting her in a really awkward position where she didn't how to do the whole - 'do up round your tummy and spin it round thing that you do' - daffy thing that she is smile

thebody Sat 17-Nov-12 17:51:15

Stunt out it very well.

bamboozled Sat 17-Nov-12 17:52:24

Her main stress was that she didn't know where her crop top had gone, and this was pink and showed through her school shirt so she had to keep her jumper on all day.

combinearvester Sat 17-Nov-12 17:52:33

Erm there is one person that people don't seem to have mentioned - your ex-H?
What was he doing in all this? Did he ask girlfriend to do it / approve the shopping trip?

Also how do we know your daughter didn't ask for her first bra and the girlfriend just gave in? She might feel uncomfortable asking you for it and more comfortable talking to someone who is less close, sees her less as a child etc.

TinyDancingHoofer Sat 17-Nov-12 17:53:13

This sounds more like a weird misunderstanding unless the GF has previous. Maybe your ex thought she needed one and mentioned to his GF confused. It is just a bit odd really, maybe have a chat with her or your ex?

usualsuspect3 Sat 17-Nov-12 17:53:33

Did your DD ask her to buy the bra?

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