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For asking bf to get tested for HIV?

(96 Posts)
ekojem Sat 17-Nov-12 14:38:49

Split up with my bf 5 years ago and we got back together two months ago (through fb).

Since we split up he has gone travelling every winter to Thailand and Cambodia. I've seen photos on his fb with plenty of local girls there draped over him, one even feeding him grapes! I've read you can pay these women to stay with you for weeks or even marry you if you give them money.

Also, he told me when he goes there (he usually stays 2 or 3 months) he smokes crystal meth. I read up about it as I was worried about him smoking that stuff and it said it makes you very horny that you will shag anything as you are out of your mind on drugs.

AIBU to ask him to have an HIV test before we sleep together again? We haven't had sex yet because he won't wear a condom. He keeps refusing to go for STI checks. I can't help thinking he is hiding something? He has also refused to tell me about the girls in the photos.

He is going back there in December for two months (he booked it ages ago), should I trust him to stay faithful?

Thanks Jem

BIWI Sat 17-Nov-12 14:59:26

An interesting first post hmm.

What on earth do you see in him, if you know he behaves like this? Are you so desperate for a man that you would choose to get back with him? There are plenty of decent men out there who you should choose.

Get rid of him.

ekojem Sat 17-Nov-12 15:05:10

The problem I have is that I never stopped loving him, it was him that dumped me those 5 years ago to go travelling with his brother to India. My heart says yes, but my head says no.

Why have you said that about name? I used to be EcoJem on other forums but prefer the K.

ekojem Sat 17-Nov-12 15:06:44

I've been reading the site for ages, just wanted some advice a I probably need what you are telling me tbh.

WelshMaenad Sat 17-Nov-12 15:07:24

YABU to sleep with him at all. Ick.

ImperialBlether Sat 17-Nov-12 15:08:16

OP, he is a danger to your health, both mentally and physically.

He sounds absolutely horrendous. Can't you see that?

Listen to your head; see a counsellor if necessary. If you can't see that this is the last man you should be with, you really need help.

SamSmalaidh Sat 17-Nov-12 15:10:05

If you think he is going to Thailand regularly to buy women then forget the HIV test - do you really want to go out with a man like that?

BadgersBottom Sat 17-Nov-12 15:12:21

Welcome indeed ekojem and well done on finding AIBU for such a personal matter. Relationship or Health might have been better. Anyway - like someone else said, interesting first post! So this boyfriend of yours - does he smoke crystal meth over here too? Only I believe it's quite addictive - not the sort of thing one smokes socially when the vicar drops by for a spot of Earl Grey and a scone.


NoraGainesborough Sat 17-Nov-12 15:12:29

The problem I have is that I never stopped loving him

What do you love about a man that dumps you to go shagging travelling, becomes a drug addict and thinks nothing of using vulnerable women for his own jollies.

with all due respect, you need to get over him and move on. He didn't treat you well the first time, perhaps some counselling for your self esteem?

Tweasels Sat 17-Nov-12 15:12:51

Still hmm

NoraGainesborough Sat 17-Nov-12 15:14:22

oh and the abusing of vulnerable women isn't something he does only in Thailand.

He will do it here. He is doing it to you.

loopylou6 Sat 17-Nov-12 15:19:27

Do you have children? I'm just shock

ekojem Sat 17-Nov-12 15:23:24

No he says he doesn't do drugs over here, but, he does drink quite a lot.

The thing is, I have lent him some money, so if I dump him now I won't get it back.

So confused. sad

hiviolet Sat 17-Nov-12 15:26:22

He sounds like a total sleazebag. Really, really vile. Seriously, why are you with him?

BIWI Sat 17-Nov-12 15:26:45

What is there to be confused about? This bloke is a twat and he is not going to be any good for you

hiviolet Sat 17-Nov-12 15:27:18

Oh god, you're staying with him because he owes you money? How much?

FermezLaBouche Sat 17-Nov-12 15:37:13

He owes you money?
Then take him to small claims court, keep your knickers on and run for the hills!

Tweasels Sat 17-Nov-12 15:42:37

How much money?

flatbellyfella Sat 17-Nov-12 15:48:56

Run like hell away from him>>>>>>>

WhenShallWeThreeKingsMeetAgain Sat 17-Nov-12 15:50:22

It really didn't take long for the 'a' word to be used............some MN's just love using the word abuse!!!

The OP is NOT serious..,.,.....or if she/he is then she/he needs serious counselling !!!

You could think of it as a small price to pay to get rid of this twat.

You know you need to get rid and move on.

FromEsme Sat 17-Nov-12 15:53:39

Him owing you money is hardly a good reason to get back together.

Your heart might be saying yes, but in this case your heart is being an utter dick. Always listen to your head. Especially when it comes to meth-smoking, prostitute-shagging, test-avoiding men.

BadgersBottom Sat 17-Nov-12 15:55:47

I'm just waiting the next drip - it'd better be a good one!

Tweasels Sat 17-Nov-12 15:59:03

There's something in the water today........

DoIgetastickerforthat Sat 17-Nov-12 16:01:39

You need to view that money as fees for the life lesson in "How to spot and then avoid getting infected/impregnated by a total cockwad" and write it off. Trust me, it's worth every penny.

ekojem Sat 17-Nov-12 16:03:20

Thanks for all the advice, appreciate it. Will take your comments on board, although I thought some of them were a bit harsh.

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