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To tell exp that actually no, he's not a good dad.

(30 Posts)
iHaveNoIkea Sat 17-Nov-12 11:22:40

This is bound to be ranty, apologies in advance.

ExP and I separated before we knew I was pregnant. When I found out he told me to get an abortion. I didn't and throughout my pregnancy he stressed me out endlessly. Said he wanted to be around and would 'get rights' to his daughter (I never even hinted at keeping her from him). Bought absolutely nothing for her so I had to provide everything even though I'd lost my job.

Anyway, DD is now 7 months. We had a drama about a month ago where he didn't want to pay child support so decided he wanted a DNA test, I had to go to CSA, got loads of verbal abuse from him etc but seems to have settled down now. He sees DD for a few hours on Saturdays. He could see her more and I've offered for him to have him more but he's said no. He is expecting another DD with his new girlfriend at the end of next month.

I have just seen a Facebook status from him slating guys that desert their kids and that he's proud to say he's a good dad. My blood is boiling and the temptation to leave a comment is immense!! (I won't though)

Aibu to think that all the fuckwit fathers out there have changed everyone's attitudes to what being a good father actually means? That now, seeing your child for a minimum amount is being a good dad? If I had not provided for my daughter, denied her when I was made to (obviously not possible for a mum but ykwim), saw her only for a couple hours a week when I could see her much more, and still got pregnant pretty much as soon as she was born, would anyone consider me a good mum?!


OpheliaPayneAgain Sat 17-Nov-12 11:24:22

Why is he on your FB? why are you stalking each others lives? Ditch and block then you won't need to have an opinion on anything he says.

gymboywalton Sat 17-Nov-12 11:24:36

yanbu but rise above it
the guy is obviously a wanker

TheNebulousBoojum Sat 17-Nov-12 11:26:24

Or you could say 'That sounds interesting, care to elaborate on what you think a good dad should be doing for his child? You know, 10 key points?'

Whatnowffs Sat 17-Nov-12 11:27:30

Don't sit on your fingers anymore - post your comment!!!!

Actually don't, it will only cause trouble, just unfriend him from your facebook and don't get wound up by the fuckwit.

My DD1's father didn't want to know, she never met him, shes 22 now - never asked about him, just not interested. Im so glad he wasn't in her life at all, better a totally absent parent than one who will flit in and out of her life causing heartache. sad

McChristmasPants2012 Sat 17-Nov-12 11:30:16

He needs a wake up call.

A few hours on a Saturday and having to fight for child support and verbally abusing his childs mum over it is not what i would call a good father

iHaveNoIkea Sat 17-Nov-12 11:34:24

Ophelia how does me seeing a Facebook status of his mean we are stalking each others lives? What a strange comment

iHaveNoIkea Sat 17-Nov-12 11:35:06

And he's on my FB because you know, I had his baby. No big deal

BitchyHen Sat 17-Nov-12 11:35:22

YANBU, however you will never get him to admit that he is not a good dad as that would require a level of self awareness he is not capable of.

My x doesn't contribute financially to his kids, and only contacts them when he feels like it. He thinks that he is a good dad, his kids don't agree. He is in danger of losing the relationship with them altogether as they get older and realise what he is really like.

OpheliaPayneAgain Sat 17-Nov-12 11:36:52

Because you are reading his FB updates, as he is probably reading yours. You're commenting on his life and opinions, he will be commenting on yours too. It isn't healthy to have that window into an EXs life, far too much involvement. Ditch and block.

Whatnowffs Sat 17-Nov-12 11:39:21

It all sounds a bit childish to me, he is your EX, he dumped you when you were pregnant, WHY do you want him on your FB???? makes no sense whatsoever.

iHaveNoIkea Sat 17-Nov-12 11:39:33

It came up on my news feed I don't seek him out as I'm sure he doesn't do to me. I'm not commenting on his life only his involvement or lack of with my daughter. Whatever else he does I couldn't care less about if it doesn't affect her.

iHaveNoIkea Sat 17-Nov-12 11:41:54

He didn't dump me when I was pregnant We had already broken up when I found out. And he's not just my ex he's my daughters dad it just never really occurred to me to delete him. I don't use it very much other than to post pics of dd for family to see. Maybe it's childish for me to see it and be annoyed by it but such is life

Whatnowffs Sat 17-Nov-12 11:42:51

It will only come up on your newsfeed if you are friends with him, actually it only comes up on your newsfeed if you have designated him as a "close" friend or soemone who's status you want to follow. So i only get status updates from people on that particular list, other stuff doesn't tend to show. Defriend him and you wont see anything unless he comments on mutual friends threads, defriend and block, keep the relationship "professional" otherwise your DD is going to be stuck in the middle if the pair of your can't grow up.

OpheliaPayneAgain Sat 17-Nov-12 11:42:58

You have posted here, in your words 'a bit ranty' because you can see his opinions etc etc - block and ditch. You don't need to know what he thinks, eats, farts, posts.

Again, it isn't healthy. If you didn't have him on FB, you wouldnt be ranty would you?

Whatnowffs Sat 17-Nov-12 11:44:54

So, a bit like my DDs "sperm doner" then, the relationship was finished, so even more of a ???? as to why you would continue contact other than to arrange visits and maintainance. You are doing yourself no favours here.

ThickCut Sat 17-Nov-12 11:46:36

From your daughter's pov, don't start with petty shit like this. Delete him off Facebook for a start. He will always be your daughter's dad, no matter how good or bad he is at it. You not agreeing with that should be kept private. I grew up with parents that separated when I was 3 months old. My mum was always pointing out to me my dads flaws, it only made hers stand out more and me very protective and defensive of my dad, I love him, I love her, I don't care that they aren't perfect parents, they are my parents! Let him say and think whatever he wants to, let your daughter make her own mind up.

B1ueberryS0rbet Sat 17-Nov-12 11:49:17

That comment was FOR YOU.

That's why you should ignore it!

Delete him from fb and delete his brothers and his brothers' girlfriends and his sisters and his sisters' boyfriends, and his mum and his dad and his gran and his friends. Delete them.

Narked Sat 17-Nov-12 11:51:14

Do yourself and your DD a favour and delete him from your Facebook before his new child is born.

iHaveNoIkea Sat 17-Nov-12 12:05:09

Ok I realise I would be unreasonable to actually say something so I should have worded the title differently. I did say in my op I wouldn't actually say anything And I'd absolutely never dream of ever bad mouthing him to dd. I saw it and it annoyed me. Not sure why that means I need to grow up.

iHaveNoIkea Sat 17-Nov-12 12:06:31

And narked that's a very good point and something I've thought about. Problem is the person that will post most about the new baby is his mum and id feel bad deleting her as she loves seeing pics of dd and doesn't get to see her much

Narked Sat 17-Nov-12 12:08:28

I don't think you've done anything wrong and I totally understand why you're annoyed. I just think that, with another baby on the way, you don't need to be seeing comments from him on a daily basis. You will probably feel upset and angry when he is posting about doing things for his new child that he never did for your DD. You don't need the hassle.

Narked Sat 17-Nov-12 12:09:10

Well keep his mum then.

Mintyy Sat 17-Nov-12 12:10:59

It does all sound exceptionally childish to me, the whole affair. The relationship ended before you knew you were pregnant. He didn't want the baby? Don't you think it would be a whole lot simpler and better for your mental health if you minimise contact and dealings with this ex of yours? If yes then you need to delete him from facebook. Really.

HopingItllBeOK Sat 17-Nov-12 12:16:00

'Dads' like that always remind me of the Chris Rock show. Paraphrased as it's from memory and cleaned up a bit

"People brag, like 'I pay for my kid, I look after my kid' like it's some great thing. You're SUPPOSED TO you dumb fuck."

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