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To think that having two horses at livery is actually a luxury.....?

(235 Posts)
Marigoldfetish Sat 17-Nov-12 11:22:31

I know this is going to get me flamed etc. but I really don't care well I do a bit else I wouldn't have namechanged

I live near a large family of 8, the children range from 14 years to 18 months. The parents are lovely people, I often have a chat to them about the kids as they have some issues with their teenage girl pretty much the same as mine.

Recently the mum told me they have got two of their children horses, and my children could go and have a ride if they wanted, they are going to be kept at livery stables up the road.

The family's sole income is benefits - I know this as the mum is quite open about this, and that they don't want to work as a) they couldn't earn what the get in benefits and b) she wants her OH at home to help with the kids. Without being too specific so as not to out them or me, one of the parents gets a higher benefit allowance for depression (so the mum has told me). To be honest, fair play to them - if they have made that as a lifestyle choice and their kids are well looked after and happy, and they are only getting what they are entitled to.

I realise this will attract the usual suspects and talk of goats, plasma screens and the like, but..... somebody please tell me, in the name of my sanity, that I am not being unreasonable to think that benefits are not provided for somebody to keep two bloody horses at livery????

InNeedOfBrandy Tue 20-Nov-12 23:10:35

I also agree with the above statement.

2aminthemorning Wed 21-Nov-12 16:05:46


At the risk of being patronising, there is much about your post that is well intentioned and sane, but all for nothing, unfortunately...your attitude towards stereotypical working class choices is appallingly snobbish. You should spend a year in inner-city council housing trying to get work and see if a packaged holiday seems so coarse and abhorent then. Better still, bring up your daughter there and see if your enhanced morality and parenting skills can facilitate the same opportunities and choices for her.

Obnoxious doesn't seem too strong a word... oh well, when one considers the ill-considered approaches usually taken by working classes to spending their money and dragging up their children, a couple of ponies will narrow their options and keep the children focused on nice, wholesome pursuits...'.
(That's where the 'educational wooden toys' comment comes in.)

Did no one ever tell you that a lady doesn't sneer?

marriedinwhite Wed 21-Nov-12 22:00:38

I don't believe I sneered. I know a few single parents in inner city council flats who are doing their utmost to ensure their 14 year old daughters have more of that referred to in scenario 2 than in scenario 1. They are fantastic women and I take my hat off to them. They are doing their very best despite the odds. They might not be running to a pony, but that isn't easy in zone 2 London when you can't afford a car, but metaphorically they are doing the equivalent and more.

I don't believe I was the one who drew the analogy with wooden toys - I said I didn't understand it; now that I think was sneering.

Women can make choices. They can do their best for their children or they can coast with the majority and shift towards the lowest common denominator.

2aminthemorning Wed 21-Nov-12 22:32:24

Does the majority care so little as to just coast along towards the lowest common denominator? Especially when a mother's love is involved?

Completely agree that women can make choices. I've led a sheltered life and perhaps that's why I think most of them make the best ones they can and none of us would need benefits if the country wasn't run by capitalist pigs anyway.

InNeedOfBrandy Wed 21-Nov-12 22:47:30

Of course you were sneering, re read your patronising snobby sneering post about packaged holidays, beer and teenage pregnancy. Did you know there is no significant difference between UP/MC/WC teen pregnancy. The only difference is that MC teens have higher abortion figures.

To sum it up you have said familys that go on these packaged holidays, drink beer/odd spirits, have more children then average, have a tv and have a daughter who gets pregnant early, need their benefits monitored because they don't have the same taste in alcohol or holidays as you. Your scenarios are a load of shit, and now your using that classic line I know a single parent in a council flat, like someone saying I'm not racist my friend is black.

IneedAsockamnesty Wed 21-Nov-12 22:51:35

Brandy thank you for saving me the effort of typing that.

marriedinwhite Thu 22-Nov-12 09:00:03

Expectation and aspiration. Nothing wrong with either.

difficultpickle Thu 22-Nov-12 10:56:19

Whether the money is used to fund horses or flat screen tvs it still sends an unplatable message that you can have a very nice life at other people's expense.

Claiming benefits is fair enough if you are genuinely ill and unable to work but I'm rather hmm at the thought that people have dcs to avoid having to work. Seems like an odd decision to me but then the only time I claimed benefits when I was made redundant last year all I qualified for was £62 a week plus a council tax reduction. Personally I found that impossible to live on such a low income with no help for heating or accommodation costs but I was very lucky as I only had to do it for 3 months.

I also went back to work when ds was 10 months old as I had couldn't afford to not have any income at all (back then SMP was only for first 6 months).

goralka Thu 22-Nov-12 11:02:49

to be honest I doubt if benefits money would cover two horses at livery, she might THINK it will but a few months down the line she will fall behind with the bills and lose her horses or have to sell them.
TBH benefits is a crap life and not some gravy train like it is being made out to be.

Woozley Thu 22-Nov-12 11:06:34

Bit difficult for someone to give their children wide horizons when their own are narrow...

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