WIU to knock this kid off his bike with my car?(148 Posts)
Ok first of all, I didn't. But I wanted to. I really, really wanted to and I'm horrified at how close I came to actually doing it.
I'm shocked at myself and think maybe I have issues and this was not a normal, reasonable or healthy thought.
Sorry but to give you the full facts this may be a bit long.
A few months ago I was driving home, running a little late for school pick up. I hate to park on the school road so I always park a few minutes walk away. To get to the car park you need to drive down a very long and narrow road, it only allows for one car to get through and so you often have to pull into a gap to let oncoming vehicles past.
As I turned the corner to go down this road there was a lad on a bike, riding no handed very, very slowly while texting. I should point out that while 2 cars cannot comfortably drive alongside past each other there is enough room to overtake a bicycle (it leads to a popular cycle route so this is very common). I hung back admittedly feeling a bit impatient and muttering to myself about lack of respect, upstart thinking he was king of the road but certain that he'd send his message or whatever before moving to let me overtake him.
He didn't so halfway down the road with an eye on the time I beeped my horn. He moved over.
Well I thought he was moving over to let me past.
He wasn't he was moving slightly over but not enough that I could safely pass him.
He stopped at the front of my car, spat on windscreen then came to side and used (I think) his phone to violently bang against my passenger window.
As he was banging his bike fell away from him and I sped off.
It terrified me. The look in his eyes was one of pure hatred and rage-I'm certain that if I hadn't been behind a glass window he'd have hurt me. I had my baby in the back seat on the passenger side and had visions of glass shattering over him. It really shook me up. I cried when a mum on the playground asked if I was ok.
I've seen this lad a few times since. He's old enough to have left school, I'd guess 17.
Last night when returning home I saw him on the pavement, on his bike. Again he was riding none handed and on his phone.
I was alongside and knew that we would arrive at the bottom of my road at the same time.
I knew he wouldn't check the traffic.
I knew that I could turn into the road and 'accidently' knock him off his bike.
He was wearing all black clothing, no lights on bike and it was very dark.
I even locked my car doors in anticipation of him jumping up from road to attack me.
As it was I hit my brakes as he glided past in front of my car without so much of a headturn to see the vehicle that was a second away from hitting him.
I'm disgusted to say I'm disappointed that I stopped. I've replayed the scenario over and over all night and kick myself for not hitting him! I have a son almost his age fgs! How can I have even considered this? Have come so close to doing it? Be annoyed at myself for having not done it?
Can any of you say you'd have behaved the same way?
All those proclaiming "unhinged!" - get a grip, can you honestly say, after reading hecate 's link that you've never experienced intrusive thoughts? I know I have.
The fact is OP is remorseful, as evidenced by her being worried about the thoughts and posting here in the first place.
The fact she was in a car, he was a cyclist - completely irrelevant. It's the thoughts that are the issue, nothing else.
I know how as a driver it feels to be intimidated, I once had a group of drunken yobs jump on top of the mini I was driving through a city centre on a Friday night. I was so scared, and part of me wished I'd done something other than sit there like a frightened rabbit.
And her baby was is the car ffs. That would bring out the primal in me too.
I've honestly never had thoughts about killing a person.
Nice for you that you've never experienced an intrusive thought. They are unpleasant to say the least.
She didn't have thoughts of killing him though did she? She had thoughts of knocking him off. Obviously the consequence of this could have been death but ultimately the thought wasnt to kill him.
Whatever she still sounds unhinged to me. Knocking a kid off his bike could very easily kill him.
Hi OP. I know what you mean. I had never heard of intrusive thoughts before, but it was an interesting read because I do have OCD.
I call it inner rage. It's that thing when someone does something to seriously piss you off or frighten you and you have a fantasy about punching them in the face or some such.
I actually think it gets worse as I get older. There was a teen like your bike one at the bus stop last night spitting on the pavement every thirty seconds.
The inner rage part of me wanted to rub his face in it. But I walked around the back so I couldn't see him do it. Dirty fucker.
Agree with Batcave The fact he was cycling was irrelevant. The fact that a car was the OP's weapon of choice was irrelevant. This is not
yet another drivers vs cyclists thread at all, the OP did not have those thoughts because she hates cyclists and feels "entitled" to hurt them. It was just that irrational and impulsive urge to teach someone a lesson.
I never realised that "intrusive thoughts" were even a named 'condition' tbh I thought everyone had them and the difference between normal and unstable was just whether they were acted on. I guess I'll just re-buckle my straight jacket and retreat to the corner
I was in a cycling accident in January. I was doing everything right. I was wearing a reflective brightly coloured jacket, wearing a brightly coloured reflective bag, wearing a helmet, riding as far to the kerb as I could.
I can't remember most of the accident. I know from the damage to my helmet that it saved my life. If I had died my daughter and my son, who was 20 days old at the time, wouldn't have a father. My parents wouldn't have their son. My wife wouldn't have her husband.
So when I say that your post makes you sound like an arse OP, that's because I have first hand experience of this situation from the other side.
I'm at the number of people who've never had intrusive thoughts. I'm a nice, stable person but I get them all the time! I think it's particularly understandable after being spat at and having someone bash on your window in that aggressive manner, especially with a baby in the back. I would be fuming for days and it can't help that you see him out and about. Talk to someone in RL and start planning now what you'll do when you next see him (ie keep well away and remind yourself he's a child!)
YY kalisi that's what I was trying to say
you put it better than me
LadyKinbote I suspect most of these people just don't want to admit that they've had intrusive thoughts. Either that or they haven't bothered to read the link if they know nothing about it
I've read the link. I get pissed off with people but I have never had thoughts about killing/seriously injuring a kid. Why is that so hard for you to understand?
CaptainBarnacles and the other cycling posters who have taken up a default position of cyclists are always right and drivers are always wrong, please read the thread, the OP, and her responses before launching off. It isn't actually about the rights and wrongs of cycling and driving, but about how the OP is shocked at her own feelings and asking for help and advice.
Intrusive thoughts are incredibly common. When you walk along a river and wonder "what would happen if I just jumped in?" or at the top of the multistory, sending a quick text before you get in the car and get a fleeting urge to lob your phone over the edge just to see what would happen? Those are intrusive thoughts and of course a rational person doesn't act on them but it is part of what can cause people with severe mental health problems to do things like that, they lose that rational part of the brain that stops them acting on the thoughts.
Having a flash of how it might play out if you did harm to someone who has wronged you isn't uncommon either. Hell I've idly planned out elaborate murder and body disposal plots for my ex for the crap he has put me and our kids through. I wouldn't act on them, I'm not a sociopath, but having done them makes me feel better because I'm not just passively accepting being treated badly, even though the action I take is only inside my head. It is a form of regaining control.
I fully understand that. What I don't understand is why, knowing about the intrusive thoughts you still think OP is a bad person. Especially as she did not have thoughts about killing him.
I think it might be a good idea to speak to your GP or health visitor OP if these thoughts have frightened you, is it possible that you have anxiety or PND if you have a young baby? I know that I have had intrusive thoughts since having DD which are linked to heightened anxiety in my case. I think the people saying the OP should turn in her driving license are way OTT, she didn't actually do anything wrong (unlike the youth on the bike who was deliberately intimidating her) and it is a good thing that OP realises this level of rage isn't normal and should be the catalyst for speaking to a HCP about it.
Where have I said she is a bad person? I think she needs to get some help as her intrusive thoughts are not fleeting and she is obsessing over them all night and still wishing she hurt the kid the next day.
Ok, dexter , I'm sorry unhinged which is derogatory and unhelpful. You show a lack of empathy.
tr.v. un·hinged, un·hing·ing, un·hing·es
1. To remove from hinges.
2. To remove the hinges from.
3. To confuse; disrupt.
4. Informal To derange; unbalance: He was unhinged by his wife's death.
It's not derogatory.
captainBarnacles I'm sorry you had an accident but that isn't the same situation at all. Nowhere near. I was not driving recklessly. This thread was about me exploring my horrid feelings and thoughts and as others have said it isn't really about car v's bike. I did not speed up to knock this lad off his bike. I drove normally and turned into my road at the same speed (<5 mph) in second gear as I always would when turning. I considered not stopping that is true, but I didn't do it!
I drive responsibly. I drive carefully. I respect other road users and pedestrians.
One of the first things my driving instruction ever said to me was 'never forget you are in charge of a deadly weapon. The day you forget that is the day you should reconsider driving'
The situation was that I wanted to hurt someone who had terrified me, still feel that way a tiny bit tbh.
Thread wasn't about fact that I hate cyclists and want to run them off the road. In fact in the first situation with this lad I slowly tailed behind him for half the length of the road (probably 2/3 minutes) as it would not have been safe to overtake him. I also did not overtake him when he started to move over, I waited until it would have been safe to do so. It was only when his bike fell backwards away from him as he was at the side of my car pounding on the window that I drove off very quickly and very frightened.
Your tone is unkind though.
For what it's worth I agree with you that if OP is still obsessing about hurting the kid that she needs to seek help.
One day is not an obsession! The boy was- cycling without due care and attention, verbally abusive, physically spat at the OP's car and generally just behaved in a vile fashion. The OP........had a bad thought. Dun dun duuuuuuuunnnnn! what an absolutely unreasonable, dangerous bitch.
batcave that wasn't a response to you by the way. I agree that if the OP herself feels troubled then it can't hurt to speak to someone.
Every time I take my child to their swimming lesson, I look at the pool and wonder what would happen if I just jumped in with all my clothes on.
Haven't read all of this as couldn't stomach the poison coming off the op - but just to say you, op, were using your horn illegally in the first place. I'm sure most police officers would agree that, as well as potentially caising an accident, using the horn as a way to express your annoyance from the safety of your car, when you wouldn't dare do so face to face with the irritating teenager, can lead to a snowball effect and end in violence.
In case you don't know, your honking was an act of road rage. I can't stand seeing no-handed cyclists -but neither can I stand sanctimonious drivers who think they own the fucking road and pit me and my children in much more danger than any cyclist. And I see a good few of them every, whereas I could count on one hand the number of no-hands I see in a month or several.
For future reference, here's the legal position on correct use of the horn.
Don't go around honking at people without being prepared for the consequences - and think of your baby next time you're tempted to tell another road user how to behave.
This is one of the reasons we have gun control in this country.
And yes, yes, NEVER EVER honk your honk at a cyclist. We sometimes have noooo idea what it means and has the potential to cause an accident rather than prevent one. It's a real shock to hear it esp if close.
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