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To feel upset at seeing mums to be at the same stage I should have been?

(42 Posts)
WeezyPeezy Fri 16-Nov-12 23:10:03

Three times today, twice in RL and once on Children In Need!! I have no DC and had MC at 8wks this summer but just hitting me now. These ever increasing bumps are torture!! Although I am very happy for these people. Does it get easier or shall I always be measuring 'milestones?'

yellowsubmarine53 Fri 16-Nov-12 23:12:08

Oh, how awful for you. It's so painful having your 'life as it could have been' played out in front of you.

IMVHE, it does get easier over time, but the time between your loss and your due date it's particularly hard.

best wishes

WorraLiberty Fri 16-Nov-12 23:12:54

I'm fortunate enough to have never had such a truly awful experience as you have sad

But YANBU at all, it must be so very difficult thanks

WeezyPeezy Fri 16-Nov-12 23:14:24

Thank you yellow, torn between the awww and the arghhh right now. But hey, I have wine and they don't!! grinsad it's the only plus!!

PomBearWithAnOFRS Fri 16-Nov-12 23:15:23

Oh Weezy sad I am so sorry for your loss. Give yourself time to grieve - even though to some people it was "just an early mc", to you it was your child and you need time to come to terms.
Even though I have had several children, I still sometimes think of the ones I lost to mc in between, and it does get a bit easier, but never quite goes away. It's like losing anyone else - just because they were unborn doesn't make them less a person or member of your family, and they deserve (and you deserve) to think of them as such.
Hang in there, and hopefully the pain will ease for you so it doesn't hurt so much to remember. <gentle unmumsnetty hug>
(I sobbed like a loon when SuBO was on CiN - my Dad died this week, and my Nanna in September and I just howled. It is cathartic though and I do feel a bit better for it - there is nothing wrong with having a "good cry" - it helps relieve the stress and tensions I think)

Shaky Fri 16-Nov-12 23:15:55

I'm so sorry, it must be very difficult thanks

WeezyPeezy Fri 16-Nov-12 23:16:41

Thanks Worra. Part and parcel of being 41 I guess, but I did fall easily and my instincts told me 'not quite right.' Feel like that wee Robert the Bruce spider at the mo.

threesocksmorgan Fri 16-Nov-12 23:19:36

aww I sort of feel your pain(dd is severely disabled so don't watch stuff like that) but yours is worse.

wine huggs

Crikeyblimey Fri 16-Nov-12 23:23:04

Oh sad. Sorry for your loss.

I know just what you mean. Occasionally, I still get the same feeling 12 years on, but only occasionally.

Take care of yourself and give yourself time. This too will pass.

WeezyPeezy Fri 16-Nov-12 23:23:23

Oh PomBear I'm so sorry for your losses. I envy you your ability to cry. I struggle with my stiff upper lip but also find it difficult to grieve somebody I never knew. That's a shitty thing times two to happen to you this year!! Hugs!!!!!! Xx

WeezyPeezy Fri 16-Nov-12 23:27:17

Ohhh such lovely replies I'm struggling to keep up!! Thank you all for your support. Feeling a bit sorry for myself tonight but I know it'll be ok. Lovely DP has an adorable 15yo DD whom I am privileged to have in my life but he's never lost a child before now and it doesn't hit the same chord with him. Must say he is terribly supportive but it kinda felt 'last chance' for me.

NathanDetroit Fri 16-Nov-12 23:31:02

I know how you feel. I find it builds up, so when you're in RL and someone with a bump just walks into your eyeline, then on the telly. Some days it feels like I am the only one without a buggy...But it does get better, the bad days get further apart and don't last as long. Don't ever feel like you should be feeling a different way or "over it" sooner. I don't think these things leave you. I'm watching the fifth element! xx

elliejjtiny Fri 16-Nov-12 23:33:27

So sorry about your miscarriage. I should have a nearly 7 year old and a 4 month old as well as my 3 living children. It does get easier.

WeezyPeezy Fri 16-Nov-12 23:37:14

Oh threesocks I used to look after children with disabilities. IM humble O they are often the most loving children. I gained so much more from caring for them than they gained from me. Xx

WeezyPeezy Fri 16-Nov-12 23:45:26

Wish MN had a 'like' button to act as a thank you for all these lovely messages. Keep willing myself to join these TTC posts but can't!! My own disappointment every month is hard enough without feeling awful for everyone else I want good news for. That sounds selfish but I genuinely feel their pain!!
<sticks head in sand>

bigheartedwoman Fri 16-Nov-12 23:55:36

Weezy, oh pet ((hugs))
Of Course not why should it not hurt you chick xx

I lost my daughter at 18 weeks so i know what you're going through every where i looked there were ladies with babies xx

Now listen pet, i hope you get your good news , and theres no reason why you shouldn't

smile

jellybeans Sat 17-Nov-12 00:00:13

I am so sorry for your loss. I know how it feels too. I lost 4. Two early and two very late. Hideous seeing friends who were pregnant at the same time. Seeing their child start school was also hard as my DD would have been in the same class. It's a long road. Time does make it easier but it is always there with me.

threesocksmorgan Sat 17-Nov-12 00:17:30

WeezyPeezy what a lovely post and so true x

WeezyPeezy Sat 17-Nov-12 00:18:21

Thank you guys, just had a wee heart to heart with DP. He cares but doesn't quite get the hurt, all 'mother nature knows best' type stuff. He's trying his best but it doesn't comfort.

Moominsarescary Sat 17-Nov-12 00:26:54

I've lost 3, 2 at 6-8 weeks and last year at 20 weeks. I found what should have been the rest of the pg really hard, babies seemed to be everywhere.

I'm sorry for your loss, it does get easier as time goes on but of course it's something that stays with you always x

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance Sat 17-Nov-12 00:29:18

Oh Weezy. [flowers]
Yes it will get better. Get past the first and even second 'anniversaries'. You'll not forget, but it will be easier to carry wth you.

Shaky Sat 17-Nov-12 00:29:45

My mum still talks about the miscarriage she had between me and my sister. She was 6 weeks pregnant and it was definately a baby to her. She still lights a candle on that baby's due date.
I am 40 and my sister is 37.
You will never forget your baby

Name7 Sat 17-Nov-12 00:37:25

I had a missed mc at 12 weeks. I work in a school. I got a little bit obsessed about how easily some people could conceive (teenagers for example) I had 2 fairly traumatic pregnancies followed by 2 gorgeous babies who were incredibly hard work. You've had the excitement stolen from you, if you have a pregnancy you won't enjoy it but that's such a short part of it. Don't give up. Seek help, talk to others that have gone through it. It is different when you lose your first. My other piece of advice is to try and stay away from research on the Internet about this sort of thing. Those who post are generally those with recurring problems and that's very unlikely to be the case for you. Good luck and take care of yourself xxx

Shaky Sat 17-Nov-12 00:41:46

Yes, I meant to say I'm very sorry for your loss. I really hope you conceive soon and have a straightforward pregnancy
thanks

ReindeerBollocks Sat 17-Nov-12 00:42:21

(((wheezy))). It will get easier, but probably not for a while yet.

You will always compare what should have been to what has happened, but hopefully time will be a healer and the pain will lessen.

Be gentle with yourself, sometimes I feel guilty when I have similar feelings, but they are justified feelings and will help you come to terms with your miscarriage.

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